Happy Thanksgivings!

Oh, what a glorious day... I gets to have all my people in the house all day, I gets to smell the turkies in the oven all day, and then because I is such a patient and waitful dog, I get to eat the turkies later. Maybe stuffings too, and pumpkin pie. Mama has gotten something called "Tofurkies." And for that, I no has an understand. Also I has never seen her eat my dog food, so maybe she is not liking meats very much? That could only mean more for me, so that works out great, I is thinking!

She is eating strange and untasteful things, like this.

Because I is feeling gracious and charitable today, I is going to be talking about Gretchen. She is my girlfriend and also we lives together. Except she is bothering me all the time. Always she is wanting to "play," and she no is understanding that I is a very dignified wiener dog of gracefully advanced years who no "plays." One of these days, I is sure she will understand that based on my fearsome growling.

A rare moment of us having nose-rubs.

Oh, but I is being a good dog today. So, I will tells you she is what they calls a "doxadore." How you is spelling that? Maybe it is "dachshador." Anyways, she is a dachshund/lab mix, and while I has the softest coat in all the worlds, she has the smoothest. Also she is having some markings on her back that looks exactly like a harness!

Gretchen says "cheese." Wait - you gots some cheese?

Maybe I has not specified, but Daddy has a farm way out in the countries that we gets to visit a few times a week. There no is any fire hydrants, telephone poles, or smells of many other dogs. Instead I smells the wild animals, so of course I still has much work to do there, peeing on things. When we is there, Gretchen loves to bound joyfully through the woods, chasing squirrels and picking up new friends I think they is calling "ticks." She and I is both visiting the neighbor's dog Sugar, a guardful rottweiler almost as ginormous as me!

Gretchen is almost as good-looking as me.

When I is out there, I does lots of wandering and peeing, as I has stated. But again, due to my advanced years, I is getting tired and wanting to go in the house and eat all of Lizzie's food (she is grandpa's fuzzy poodle). One time I has hidden in the car and fallen fast asleep, and gave Daddy a great worry about where I was. So now, often I spend much time in the house when I visit, walking about stoutly, eating Lizzie's food and sleeping. What a good dog I is!

Oh, and Gretchen is a good dog too. Mostly. Since I is such a handsome and kind wiener dog, I is sharing my turkies with her on her first Thanksgivings with us. You are welcome, Gretchen. Also, please stop pooping on the floor.

I gots a new activity. PS: There is basement monsters involved.

"Basement monsters?" you may be saying to yourself. Yes my friends, it is all true. There no is a need to worry though, because I is doing a great job keeping my family safe from their terror!

See how I is watching Gretchen and Hatfield? I is like a hawk.

A few days ago Mama noticed Gretchen being very very curious about one particular spot in the floor of the living room. Right where there is a vent and a little hole for wires.  Because I no is the kind of dog to let Gretchen has all the fun, I waddled over to get a good sniff of the situation. My conclusion? There is furry little monsters living in the basement ceiling. Which happens to be under the living room floor.

Now I will be honest, because I always is: things can be getting a little bit boring around here, now that the outside has developed chilliness. I spend lots of time sleeping vigilantly and chewing on my chewies. MINE. Also growling at Gretchen and snapping with every one of my nine tooths. She is always wanting to play or something, but she no has an understand that I is a very dignified wiener dog who no has time for puppy play. I take my job of house protector very seriously. 

I hides in the shadows, then I goes in for the kill.

Which is why I is taking this issue of basement monsters very seriously. I no is exactly sure what they is, but they is very quiet. Mostly I know they are there by their scent, which believe me, no is particularly pleasant. I spends many minutes tracking them back and forth across the floor. Also sniffing and barking at the vent where they has set up camp in MY HOUSE.

I think they has nocturnals, so right now I is just sitting on Mama's lap and typing. But I is warning you right now, basement monsters, if you is having internets to read this: I no will rest until you has evacuated MY vent, except for during the day when you is asleep, and for during the night when I is asleep upstairs. Consider yourselves lucky that I is a lowrider wiener dog who no can jump off the bed or walk down the stairs. But I is watching you. Almost all the time.

Here is some beautiful pictures from my weekend

Mama has taken some amazing photos of me lately, of which I must share with all the internets. I no has lots of interesting news though - I has been chillin in my sweater, peeing on leaf piles, chewing on my chewies, sleeping in Mama's lap,  riding in the car (almost I can see out the window!), and eating all the foodstuffs I can find on the ground. Just the other day I found a half of a hoagie roll in the park, and I ated it all up! I no can imagine who would leave it there for me, but they is one nice human being. Are you ready to see some photos? I'm sure you is.

How majestic I is.

Watch out for the floor, tongue!

How this got in here? These are MY pictures, MINE!

I has a perspective.

I is very limber. With my tongue.

Has you noticed yet that my tongue is magnificent?

Here, I is waiting for someone to drop their muffins.

My ears in action. They is very aerodynamic!

And this -  wait... Gretchen, this is MY dogblog. MINE.

I is ready for my close-up.

I know you has muffins somewhere. Where they is?!?!

Me and Gretchen is sundogs. Also we is waiting for muffins.

I never gotted muffins so I went back to sleep.

Also I is a book reviewer

You may has noticed that I has been curiously silent over the last few days, including Halloweens. Part of the reason is that I was very unceremoniously left out of the trick-and-treating. Everyone went to a place that was crowded with hundreds of people, maybe even dozens. Mama said I would go insane from barking. This maybe is true, but since Leah dressed up as Dorothy, I no has an understand why she did not take me as Toto. I even dressed up as the Tin Man the other day, and still I got no treats-and-tricks.

I is a very intelligent dog, as I'm sure you has noticed. Another reason I has not been around the last few days is because Mama is reading a new book, and she has read some of it to me. It is the first book I has ever read written by a dog, and I is very much impressed with the volume of his works. One day I hopes to write a book too, and maybe mine will sell more copies even than his. 

This dog thinks very deep, like me.

There is more informations about the book here. One part I will tell is that the dog has a reincarnation. He has remembers from his past life! This has got me to thinking. I is not a spring chicken kind of dog, and if I has had reincarnations, it was many many years ago, or even days. I has been probing back into the deep recesses of my large mind. It is all very interesting. 

While this dog (he has different names in the book) does have the right kind of dog attitude, about being amazing and extremely important (like me), my only criticism is that he no speaks the dog language quite correctly. I'm sure he is working on improvements for his next book, which I will be making sure that Mama buys for me. I loves this book so much that when she is finished reading it, I no will even chew it up. That is how much I loves this book.

I also has some more dog books to review. I is very intellectual and a spectacular writer myself, so it is only fair that I share all my knowledges with the rest of the world. So check back to my dogblog for more of thems. 

Now it is time for my walk. Mama is trying something new today - I gets my very own neighborhood walk, all by myself! Gretchen likes to go very fast and hardly pees on anything, so I is always being rushed along. It makes my job a million times harder, let me tell you. When I get back, Mama will walk Gretchen to the dog park. I no is jealous of that - I no wants to scare all the dogs there with my frightful barks and fearsome tooths. Really, I is a very kind-hearted dog. Also my legs are not freakishly long, like Gretchen's are, and so I is having a tired feeling before we even gets there. I is feeling like I will have some really good sniffs today. Everyone has put out their green bins and brown rolling carts for me, and so this is always my favorite day for a walk.

I misses my buddy Simon

I has not seen Simon for many, many weeks. Maybe even many days too. Stacey is the photographer who found me in the streets in Greensboro, and Simon is her vizsla dog. He no has a dogblog, but Stacey has taken some beautiful pictures of him. He is almost as beautiful as me!

I is so beautiful, Gretchen no can help kissing me.

Me and Gretchen fights like dogs and cats

This morning, right after a breakfast of crunchy deliciousness, a terrible thing has occurred. Being that Gretchen and I is wiener dogs, we loves our foods more than almost any other thing. In my opinion, Mama no gives us enough! I has to be working on my insulation for the winter. Being that Gretchen and I was irritated by not having more foods (Mama says something about "portion control," whatever that is), we had a enormous tussle and Gretchen SAT ON ME using her giant freakish legs.

Well, I no is a kind of dog who takes this, so I puts all my strength into biting her with my fearsome tooth. Unfortunately for me, Gretchen's body is more solid than I expected, and my tooth decay is a little more advanced than I had a knowledge of. So when Mama came over and pulled her off of me, she saw that I has a bloody mouth and a very loose tooth. 

Thankfully it was NOT my snaggletooth, which has almost as much magnificence as my tongue. Before the tussle I had four teeth in the fronts. Now, when I go back to the vet on Monday, I will has only three fronts. And I no is happy about that.

I still has both of these teeth, thanks goodness.

So after the mighty tussle Mama and Leah took me to the doctor. Also, despite what you may has heard, I was shaking because it was VERY CHILLY in the office. I no was frightened at all. But I sees how you might think that, given the amount of shaking I was doing. If I had my sweater on, I no would shake at all. Really. In fact, I was so brave that I tooks my shot with no having any problems. The doctor gave Mama some medicine for me (blech), and paid on the way out, and said "you is a very expensive dog, Reuben." Though I no knows what that means.

I made extra sure to pee really good on the fence in front of the offices. It's my fence it's my fence it's MINE! I peed on it a couple times before Mama picked me up and put me in the car. I CAN get into the car all by myselfs, I just no feels like doing it. Ever. If I ever feels like doing it, I will lets you all know.

I has to go back to the doctor on Monday, as I said befores. After all that I STILL has my loose and bloody tooth, mostly because I no lets anyone look in my mouth. EVER. They will has to give me anesthesias. That is the only way I will lets people look in my mouth, because I no can help it when I is asleep.

Now I is tired of typing, so I plans to go lie in the sun for a long whiles. I is feeling ok, but I no has a particular like for Gretchen at this time. The vet said "Reuben, don't go getting into fights with dogs bigger than you!" I no knows what she is talking about, since I is definitely the biggest dog in the neighborhood. Gretchen is lucky I hurted my tooth like that - if that no had happened, SHE would has to visit the vet instead of me. Mama says she has a headache now. But it is hard for me to care about that, since I has a toothache.

What is in a name?

 Today I has news about my new girlfriend. Her name no is Ingrid anymore: it is Gretchen. It has been only less than a week, but already she comes when mama calls "Gretchen!" I no comes when she calls "Reuben!," because I is usually busy sniffing very important things. Actually, Gretchen sometimes no comes when called - like when she runs into the street and rolls over for belly rubs. In the middle of the street. Mama has a confusion over that one. I likes my belly rubs too, especially on the warmness of the front stoop, but the road no is a particular good place for belly rubs.

I has just discovered that there is another Reuben Stroble in the world. He no is a pastry baker from Germany, like he sounds, also he no is a delicious sandwich. He is a police officer from a faraway land called Canadia. Since he no is a pastry baker or a sandwich, I no has a particular interest.

On the other paw, I has excellent skills to be a police dog. I is so large and frightful and scary that I will stop all the crime and make everyone give me belly rubs instead of doing crime. And if they no give me belly rubs, I will bite them with all 11 of my teeth, because that is how many I has. And that is enough teeth to chew a dental chewy stick; it only takes one half hour for me to chews it all. Mama took a video of me chewing my stick yesterday. She says she will put it on the internets soon. In these pictures, you can see what a good job I am doing of attacking the chewy stick. Also, you can see my magnificent tongue.

In other newses, I has a new dog bed and a new monkey chewy! I loves both of them. Do not forget that they are MINE. Gretchen has a new bed and chewy too, but she no has a particular interest in those things. She has enough legs to jump on the couch to sleep, so that is what she does. Since that means more chewies for me, I is ok with it.

This is Hatfield. He is an annoying orange kitty.

Today, I has a story to tell. It is a 100% true story that happened yesterday in the living room. It will make you laugh, cry and get rid of your orange kitties.

It began in the kitchen. Hatfield was sleeping in his basket. 

Since everything else in the house is mine, I lets Hatfield have this basket.

When he saw Mama, he looked not too sure about things.

I has a bad feeling about this.

Leah decided to carry him into the living room.

Hatfield thinks he is too dignified for all this. But he no is.

Due to the cuteness of basket kitty, Mama took some pictures.

I no think this is a big deal.

This is not cute at all either.

You can tell how much Hatfield likes this from the look in his eyes. He loves it.

Leah should be giving attentions to me and not to him.

Then Ingrid had a curious and decided to interrupt the photo shoot.

Hatfield has a curious too.

Right here is where you can tell that Hatfield no is pleased with this situation.

Hatfield, I think, has a suspicious.

Ingrid came close to gently sniff the orange beast.

RRRAAOOOOWWWWWW

Ingrid now has an afraid of Hatfield.  I now has even more reasons to bark at orange kitties.

The Ends

P.S. Ingrid is fine, she no has blood or anything. Just only a mortal fear of Hatfield.

I no can tell a lie

Much like a human who I think is named George Barkington, I no can tell a lie. 

Look at this face. How I can tell a lie?

I has a feeling that Ingrid came here to steal my family. It's my family it's my family it's MINE!!! So, I no has been the most hospitable dog in the last few days.  I really enjoy sniffing her and sleeping near her for extra doggy warmth. But when she gets too close to my Mama I has a fit! Sometimes I has a fit when Ingrid gets too close to me - she's taller than me, so I has to pretend to be very big and scary and let everyone know that it's my house it's my house it's MINE!!! You no can tell the big dogs (especially NOT Ingrid), but I is a very small and tiny wiener dog who sometimes has a frightened of big dogs. That is why I bark so loud and so frequently! I has to look like one tough wiener. Ingrid no is that big... but still, I has a frightened.

Today we had a ride to school with Leah. Mama drove us back home and then we did a walk. I made sure to mark everything, so Ingrid knows exactly what is mine, which is everything in the neighborhood. I pooped in a neighbor's bush, like a good dog. But Ingrid no is a good dog! She pooped on the living room floor - twice - right after we came inside. Mama was mad and it was stinky. Which gave me a glad feeling, because she got in trouble, hehehehe! Then, after Leah came home, Ingrid escaped from the backyard and headed towards the street. Now, I has done that before too - there are squirrels to chase, other dogs to meet and lots of stuff to pee on. So for that I has an understand. But since she is much faster than me (she has long, very un-wiener-like legs), she can has many adventures in the time it takes me to have one adventure.

This will show you how much I is a jealous dog. Mama and Leah sometimes play a game where Mama lifts Leah is the air and swings her back and forth. It's called "Jealous Dog." When Leah is in the air, I no has an idea if my mama is safe, and I no has an idea why Mama is picking her up instead of me. So I bark and bark and bark and then jump on Leah when Mama puts her down (I has short legs, but I do the best jump I can). They think it's funny but it no is funny. I is a very busy dog, protecting the house at all times. I has lots of work to do! Even when I am sleeping, which is most of the day, I is still working. I listen for danger and then bark at it. I must sound big and scary, since I is a tiny wiener dog who no has many teeth.

That is all for now. I will now go back to sleep until dinner. I no will let Ingrid steal my dinner. It's my food it's my food it's MINE!!!

Sorry, ladies - I is in a relationship

Yes, it is all true. Last night Daddy brought us an Ingrid! He says he wants her name to be Greta; my big sister Leah says it should still be Ingrid. I don't care what her name is, 'cause I call her BEAUTIFUL.

She is two years old (I is a old man with a floppy tongue). Ingrid had a surgery on Thursday, so she is still a little sleepy. Of course, I am sleepy all the time. Last night we snuggled up on the couch with all our people and no orange kitties. I does have a jealousy though - Ingrid whimpers when she no can find Daddy, and I no understands why she no whimpers for me! My majestic tongue can be intimidating I think, so I will give her some time to get used to my floppy tongue joy.

This is how much I loves her!

We has big plans for today. Mama and Leah will take us to the park for adventures! I no can wait to show my new girlfriend everything that is mine: my telephone pole, my tree, my other tree, my fire hydrant, my bridge, my bush, my pile of rocks, my other bush, and of course every herb plant in the front yard. I hope she doesn't think they are hers, because they are mine. MINE!!!

I still is a little growly towards Ingrid, a little bit. She is taller than me, just like every other dog in the whole entire world. Also she may be a spy. I must protects my family at all costs! But I am joyful to has another wiener dog in the house, especially one as beautiful, soft and sweet as Ingrid.

And here we are again, and - wait.... where did that orange kitty come from? It's my couch it's my couch it's MINE!!!

Welcome to my dogblog

I no is exactly sure what Internets are, but I think they’re not anything I can chew on, pee on or lay on. And those are my favorite things. These are my other favorite things: getting belly rubs, rolling in the sun, eating, taking adventure walks and barking at orange kitties. And guarding my Chewy. It’s my chewy it’s my chewy it’s MINE!!!

My mama’s good friend from grade school (and other friends too) really like to hear about my fascinating adventures, which I has mostly every day. Peeing on the lemon balm plant is an adventure! It no matters that I do it every day. I’m trying to pee on the whole thing. It’s MINE!!!

Meghan asked my mama to make an adventure blog for me. My own dogblog! It’s MINE!!! But since I can’t chew or pee on it, Mama says I have to trust her that it has an existence. I no understands Internets, but if it leads to more belly rubs, I’ll do it.

This is my dogblog – Floppy Tongue Joy. This picture will explain why.

My majestic tongue.

A really nice photographer found me wandering the mean streets of Greensboro, N.C. I was dirty and thin and a fleabag.  I had a mouth infection too; it hurt so bad I no had a bark (now I has a big bark).

Stacey took me home, bathed and fed me and gave me a blue and white snowflake blankie. Don’t touch my blankie – it’s MINE!!!

Then she went on a face book. Face books are on the Internets I guess, but since there no is food or chewies in any of those books, I has no particular interest. 

The woman who owns my mama’s favorite vintage store saw Stacey’s post and re-posted it. Post? Is the mail lady here!? I love to bark when she comes!

Anyway, my mama saw Kit’s post (and Stacey’s pictures of me) and she got an excitement. Mama said she wasn’t even looking for a dog. We has two super-annoying orange kitties; Mama got them even before my big sister Leah was born. Hatfield and Kanga no had an excitement about me becoming a Stroble. I had an excitement about barking at them every chance I got! I does that now too!

Hatfield is very suspicious. Here he is getting ready for court.

This is Kanga. If she looks blurry, it is because she always has a spazz. Here she is getting a "White Belly."

For Hatfield and Kanga I no has a particular like. They gives me an entertainment though.

Then – on a face book again – Mama’s old friend Meghan said I should has my own dogblog to tell all the friends and family about my adventures. I no has an actual age, and I mostly no has teeth, so you might think I no has adventures.

But I does! I love to go to the park and figure out what all other dogs have been through recently. Then I pee on whatever they peed on to let the whole world know that this telephone pole is MINE!!!

I even had a trip to the dog park a couple times. But the other dogs are so big, I has a frightened and try to hide behind Mama. There’s lots of interesting sniffs there though.

Most mornings I help take Leah to school. I ride in the car with my nose just barely poking out the window. Then we come home and I has a walk, and I check on my very important telephone pole. It’s MINE!!!

This is my big sister, Leah.

Mama and Daddy say they has a new girlfriend for me! It was Leah’s idea – she no has human brothers and sisters, so she can has two dachshunds. 

Her name is Ingrid and she’s from Greensboro too! I’ve been Reuben Stroble for almost one year. When Ingrid has an arrival, there will be two orange cats, three humans and two wiener dogs.

Alison, the same nice dachshund rescuer, got a stray Ingrid and my mama went through a face book and saw her. Jeez, is Mama in a face book all the time? (Right now she no has a job, so she has lots more time to give me belly rubs).

You may has noticed my majestic Snaggletooth and regal Floppy Tongue. Snaggletooth was just already there, but after mouth surgery (I losted 11 teeth!) I now has 11 teeth left. The rest of my teeth no can contain the amazingness of my Floppy Tongue. 

This dogblog will be all about my very interesting adventures, of which I has one almost every day. 

This dogblog exists because of Kit, Stacey, Alison, Meghan and my mama. 

Happy tails!

(wagwagwagwagwag)

PS. It’s my blog it’s my blog it’s MINE!!!