Reuben's 6th of July with some rude lady dogs

Friends, yesterday I had slightly-delayed 4th of July celebration that I has given the highly creative name of "6th of July" to. Me and Mama and Daddy and People Sister wented to Grandpa man's house (which of course is where Gretchen lives), and Great Auntie C camed over with her dog Maisy, and my BFF Daisy camed over from next door. As the only male kind of dog in this arrangement, I thoughted I would get all the attentions. This turned out to NO be true!

Ladies... I is over here... please to no crowd all around me at once.

Um... I said I is over here.... hello?

Oh hi there Maisy, what's that? You is on your way to kitchen? Okays, see you later I guess.

Doesn't ANYDOG want to play with me?

But all of that was forgotted when I gotted THIS:

Holy molies, my very own hot dog, all for my Self!

I see how it is, Daisy. You only wants me for my hot dog, you harpy!

Then Daisy gotted sent home because she rudely ated Gretchen's hamburger. Then Gretchen did that thing she does where she goes and stands near Maisy and annoys her, so Maisy started growling at her. Meanwhile, I was content to finish my hot dog and then walk around peeing on many, many things. But then..... THIS started to happen:

Great Auntie C, it's a twister!

It no was a twister, just our thrice-daily thunderstorm. I got up on the car to bark those thunderboomers away! (Okay, Mama lifted me onto the car).

Grrrrrrr thunderboomers, I will dead you!

Then I gotted busy looking at my handsome self in the car window.

Why the ladies no wants a piece of Reuben? I looks amazing.

And before I knowed it....

AAAHHHH here it comes, run for your lifes!!!1!!11!

Oh well - at least we had an hour without rain to has our picnic. Now friends, I must mention that Daisy - who WAS my BFF - is now BFFs with Gretchen and not me. Probably on account of how Gretchen likes to "play" and "run around" and "jump," and other things that senior wieners like myself is too dignified to does. I played a little bit with Daisy, but mostly she and Gretchen just taked off and ignored me - Reuben. Now I has yet ANOTHER reason to be mad at Gretchen - as if I needed another one!

I gets a visiting from White Fuzzy next door

Friends, a great travesty has occurred this evening. Apparently the thunder boomers in the distance has given the White Fuzzy next door a frightened, for he has hopped over the wall and come into my yard, probably for disrespectings.

Is you doing poopings in my yard? IS YOU?!?

Next door they gots about eleventy hundred dogs. Mama says it is five, but she is wrong, for they does enough barkings for eleventy thousand.  But they is good backup for my intruder patrol, and they holds down the fort at night when I is doing sleepings in the big bed. Vigilant sleepings. This is the first time, that I knows of, that White Fuzzy has jumped over the wall. He is still a puppy, so I guess he finally gotted his big boy legs.

It is nice to finally meets you in person, White Fuzzy.

It turned out that White Fuzzy is a very polite kind of dog, who let me sniff him, and no even did one barking while he was on my properties.

Please hold still; I no can gets a good sniff when you is moving.

 He read some of my pee-mail, which I appreciates, and no even left any pee-mails of his own in my yard. Maybe he is a girl kind of dog....

Let me double checks that undercarriage smell again.

He and/or she tried to play with me, and I no even hated it!

You has freakishly long legs, but I has a tongue!

I think I no will minds it if he/she comes over for occasional visitings.

We does make a pretty fearsome team, I must admits.

  Then it was time for White Fuzzy to go home.

Goodbye White Fuzzy, thank you for visitings!

Hehehe, White Fuzzy no left on his/her own - Mama gaved Daddy some treats and he waved them right in front of my nose and hers! Or his. Whatever.

Daddy, if you has treats I follows you anywhere!

Then, because there is some big kind of steppings that my correct-sized legs no can climb down, White Fuzzy followed Daddy back to his and/or her house, and I was lefted all alone.

Excuse me, I believe there was a promise of treats..... WHERE IS THEY?!

But then Mama said "Reuben, wannatreat? wannatreat?" And I responded by doing the fastest run I knows how to does. It is very fast!

*treats treats treats treats treats treats*

White Fuzzy went home and I gotted a sausage, so I gots to say, my life is pretty good.

Please no forgets that you can vote every 24 hours for me, Reuben, in the 2012 Petties awards. I has a great proud for my nomination for Funniest Blog or Blogger of the year!

I gots a new activity. PS: There is basement monsters involved.

"Basement monsters?" you may be saying to yourself. Yes my friends, it is all true. There no is a need to worry though, because I is doing a great job keeping my family safe from their terror!

See how I is watching Gretchen and Hatfield? I is like a hawk.

A few days ago Mama noticed Gretchen being very very curious about one particular spot in the floor of the living room. Right where there is a vent and a little hole for wires.  Because I no is the kind of dog to let Gretchen has all the fun, I waddled over to get a good sniff of the situation. My conclusion? There is furry little monsters living in the basement ceiling. Which happens to be under the living room floor.

Now I will be honest, because I always is: things can be getting a little bit boring around here, now that the outside has developed chilliness. I spend lots of time sleeping vigilantly and chewing on my chewies. MINE. Also growling at Gretchen and snapping with every one of my nine tooths. She is always wanting to play or something, but she no has an understand that I is a very dignified wiener dog who no has time for puppy play. I take my job of house protector very seriously. 

I hides in the shadows, then I goes in for the kill.

Which is why I is taking this issue of basement monsters very seriously. I no is exactly sure what they is, but they is very quiet. Mostly I know they are there by their scent, which believe me, no is particularly pleasant. I spends many minutes tracking them back and forth across the floor. Also sniffing and barking at the vent where they has set up camp in MY HOUSE.

I think they has nocturnals, so right now I is just sitting on Mama's lap and typing. But I is warning you right now, basement monsters, if you is having internets to read this: I no will rest until you has evacuated MY vent, except for during the day when you is asleep, and for during the night when I is asleep upstairs. Consider yourselves lucky that I is a lowrider wiener dog who no can jump off the bed or walk down the stairs. But I is watching you. Almost all the time.

What is in a name?

 Today I has news about my new girlfriend. Her name no is Ingrid anymore: it is Gretchen. It has been only less than a week, but already she comes when mama calls "Gretchen!" I no comes when she calls "Reuben!," because I is usually busy sniffing very important things. Actually, Gretchen sometimes no comes when called - like when she runs into the street and rolls over for belly rubs. In the middle of the street. Mama has a confusion over that one. I likes my belly rubs too, especially on the warmness of the front stoop, but the road no is a particular good place for belly rubs.

I has just discovered that there is another Reuben Stroble in the world. He no is a pastry baker from Germany, like he sounds, also he no is a delicious sandwich. He is a police officer from a faraway land called Canadia. Since he no is a pastry baker or a sandwich, I no has a particular interest.

On the other paw, I has excellent skills to be a police dog. I is so large and frightful and scary that I will stop all the crime and make everyone give me belly rubs instead of doing crime. And if they no give me belly rubs, I will bite them with all 11 of my teeth, because that is how many I has. And that is enough teeth to chew a dental chewy stick; it only takes one half hour for me to chews it all. Mama took a video of me chewing my stick yesterday. She says she will put it on the internets soon. In these pictures, you can see what a good job I am doing of attacking the chewy stick. Also, you can see my magnificent tongue.

In other newses, I has a new dog bed and a new monkey chewy! I loves both of them. Do not forget that they are MINE. Gretchen has a new bed and chewy too, but she no has a particular interest in those things. She has enough legs to jump on the couch to sleep, so that is what she does. Since that means more chewies for me, I is ok with it.