Important news update on rude animals who think they lives in my house

Friends, we gots a lot of important things going on in the local news here. I does my best as a journalist to provide a unbiased interpretation of the events taking place in the backyard.

My top story this morning is "angry birds." I no knows why humans want a game for this, since I has my very own game of angry birds in the backyard and trust me, I wish I could uninstall this freeloader birdhouse. Here I has tooked a screenshot:

Yes friends and other newswatchers, these birds has set up nest in the wall right above my back door. They was here last year, and here they unfortunately is again. When it was just the mama bird, she no really was angry, just very very messy. Now that she has borned her chicks, all I hear all day long is screeching from those little hungry angry birds! They gots a lot of nerve to move into MY house without asking my permissions. They is crafty too, for they has chosen a place so high that neither Hatfield the orange kitty or I can get in there to eat them. The squawking is interrupting my vigilant sleeping, which is, of course, one of the most important things I does.

See how I is awake here? I should be asleep. Vigilantly asleep.

In other news, basement cat has been spotted in my basement, and in fact I spots (and smells) him on a daily basis. We gots all these fat kitties in the neighborhood who has very nice and warm homes. Instead of hanging out in them, they hangs out in my basement.

Daddy, you could end this torture by fixing the basement door.

In this picture you sees me monitoring their activity from the outside of the house, but every time I tries to sneak in there, I is stopped by the treacherous large pile of Daddy Junk. Also, Mama tends to pick me up and carry me back inside when I gets in an exploratory kind of mood. So these stinky cats is up to no good underneath my very foots, and all I can does is bark at them through various vents on the indoors and outdoors of my house.

It is a grave burden to has the correct-sized dachshund legs that I has. Some dogs with freakishly long legs might be able to jump up and eat those birds, or leap over the Daddy Junk. It is the price we dachshunds pay for being so adorable. Truly, my work no is ever done. This is me, Reuben, signing off for the mornings.

I comes back to my dogblog

Lately, too much of my times has been spent doing the Face Books. I has met some very handsome and dignified dogs there. Some is dachshunds, some is not, but they all is good dogs, like me! All the time, except for when we is bad (almost always I is a good dog). 

Sometimes I is posting my ideas and my musings and my beautiful pictures on the Face Books, instead of on my dogblog. I likes to share them with my new friends, and frankly there is SO many dogs on there, they no all has time to read all the different many blogs. But now I is missing Floppy Tongue Joy, so I has made a commitment to spend more of my times working on it. As long as it no cuts into the times for these things:

• chewing my squeaky chewies
• vigilantly sleeping
• cleaning foodstuffs off the kitchen floor
• peeing on things
• belly rubs
• barking at Hatfield
• bravely standing behind Mama during vacuum activities
• basement monsters
• not playing with Gretchen

I spends a lot of time not playing with Gretchen, since always she is wanting to play, and I is simply too dignified for that thing. Oh, another thing is:

• humping my bed

More to follow on that later. But for now, I leaves you with a lovely picture of Daddy carrying me in my bed: 

Do not think of trying to take my squeaky chewy, for it is MINE.