Where to find me - Reuben

Friends, on account of the eleventy thousand hours per day that my mama leaves me alone to go do works and schools, I would like to direct you to my Face Books page. Face Books is a medium that allows me to do a photo update that is very fast. Just like me on my correct-sized legs!

So if you is having a Face Books, please click here, on Reuben's Face Books page, to be connected to my beautiful words of wisdoms.

MAMA!!! Come home from works and schools right now and rub my belly!!!!!

I will return to my dogbloggings at some point in the futures when Mama no is hogging up all the interwebs with her boring stuffs! 

AND....  

Pee S.....

HAPPY HUMPY DAY.

Reuben's week in photos

Actually this is kind of my "week in Face Books photos," since many of these has already been posted to my Face Books page and possibly even my Twitters. 

Me and Stinky Monkey is helping with paperworks.

We did so much work that we felled asleep on the hairy rug.

Um.... this no is what it looks like.... look the other way please; there no is anything to see here.... THERE NO IS ANYTHING.

Seriously Mama, why I has to post this picture of Hatfield looking like an Egyptian catses god?

When the compost is on the ground
You must get your mouth around
A tomato.
See what I did there?

There is some who says that Squeaky Hot Dog makes me "insane."
This photo no does anything to help my case. 

This is very bad. A catses infestation to rival no other. 

Here is People Sister, betraying me with the freakishly long-legged Gretchen. 

Finally. Can we please focus on ME?! I is currently accepting applications for belly rubs. All candidates with fingers considered! 

Maybe you is noticing how all of these pictures is in doors. That is because it has been raining for about eleventy days, and also because Mama is very good at forgetting her flashy box when we takes walks. 

In conclusions, I has some *kind of* good newses. The newses is, Mama gotted promotion at work! That means she is allowed to work twice as many hours as she was before. I no has an understand for WHY this is a good thing. Something about having more monies to buy treats and chewies for Reuben, I thinks. Ok, actually it makes perfect sense. Also, on Monday she is starting classes again, which involves lots of listening to lectures and typing of boring things on the computer, hogging up all the interwebs and leaving none for me. And since I does my best writings when I is sitting in her lap, there will be less dogblogging, Face Booking and Twittering for me, Reuben. Already I was slacking in my dogblogging responsibilities, but now the lap I so badly need will be absent much more :( 

Mama says if this semester she can pass her classes, not get fired from her job, and not get disowned by People Sister and Daddy, that she has done a great job! Of course, I will be waiting vigilantly here for her, always willing to bravely accept a belly rub or yawn in her face.

*****

pee S.   My piggies is still at large in the woods. If sighted, please catch them and send them overnight to 

Reuben

Reuben's House and Yard

North Carolinas.

Reuben's book giveaway!

Yes friends, it is the time for me to give away a copy of my new book, A Guide to Braveries for Small Dogs! If you is doing things like leaving a comment on my dogblog, liking my Face Books page, and Tweetering about ME, then you gets like eleventy hundred entries (typist's note: it is actually up to 7). So what you is waiting for; put your logins in the thingy down there and soon you can be learning my many wisdoms and knowledges! Especially about peeing on things and chewing. Contest runs until midnight (EST) on Wednesday, so make sure to does those entries very soon.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Pee S. This is my first such of a giveaway; please let me know if you has any questions. I has a ginormous sorry, but contest is open to U.S. peoples, dogs and even catses only. My Kindle book will be coming out very soon and I plans to does a giveaway for all of the internashinals.

How you no can melt when fixed by the gaze of my beautiful brown  eyes?

Parking Day! I think that is right....

Hello friends, I is so excited about how today is Parking Day! Finn & Charlie and Gizmo has set up this lovely day to encourage all brave dogs to go outside and pee on explore a park. I no has to go far to find my park, for it is across the street from my house. Though I has done many, many peeings in it, there is ALWAYS something new to pee on. It is a fantastic park!

There was a LOT of this going on.

And some of this....

And then some more of this.

What a lovely flower. Now I proceeds to eat it.

Sniffing sniffing sniffing sniffing

 I's almost out of pee, but I must persevere! 

At this house they has chickens in the backyard! Mama has sawed them before, but for some unfair reason I no is allowed to.....

Hold on, I think I can find some more pee for this tree.

Is that a SQUIRREL?! OMFG SQUIRREL!!!1!!1

Here is some Instagram photos that Mama magicked to look nicer than anything she could possibly do with iphone camera:

I posted this picture on my face books, and it said: "Fear me, Reuben, and my mighty bark! Ruff, ruff!"

Lovely flowers. Yes, I peed on them.

This is people sister and her dog "Rufus." "Rufus" is a brown dachshund who sings  "Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)." I is a little jealous of "Rufus." 

What a beautiful spring day!

When people sister was littler she started calling this gazebo "the pirate ship." We still calls it that. 

Another view of the pirate ship.

Parking Day was fantastic! However...... I got very involved in pooping on and then kicking a large pile of leaves, which resulted in me having a very gross hindquarter region. So.....

AAAAHHHHHHHHH

Oh, the humanities....

I think I sees escape route....

THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!

Still, Parking Day was a lot of fun. And surely I will do it all over again in a couple of days! Thanks Finn, Charlie and Gizmo for establishing this lovely holiday.

The Most Interesting Dog in the World

Friends, there has been some peoples who finds I has a similarity to a people man, who is this man - the most interesting man in the world. Probably. Anyways, some of you may also be familiar with these memeables:

So I is asking you, friends, to help me finish saying what I needs to say. I is such an interesting dog that there is too many possibilities! Please leave me a commenting to tell me, Reuben, what I should says here: 

A pawtographed photo from Juno

My Face Books friend Juno sent me this pawtographed photo of her beautiful self. Does you know that I has the very same harness? Mine is red! The newspaper behind her tells the lost-and-found story of her sister, Scout, who was missing for five whole days. She was founded in a big trash pile behind a fence and she had three broked toes. How awful! But now Scout is safe and sound with her pack. I love you all, Juno, Scout, Nicki, Cotter, Deborah and any other fuzzies I may has missed. You is a very brave dog to has so many catses in your house, Juno!

See Juno's little pawprint there on the photo?

Scout and Juno - they has a reunion!

This is Scout wearing a ginormous cast.

This is a gratuitous shot of me and my tongue.

Also I gotted some real cool stuffs in the mail from Garth for being a winner in his Silly Photo Contest. I brings you those lovely photos sometime over the week ends. I love getting mails! I hate the mail carrier.

AND

I gotted a red backpack from Sarge so I can be all ready to go learn some Germans! Ich bein ein wienerdog! I think that is how you says it.

I does my first live improv comedy show and it has amazings

Last night I had an inviting to gives a special performance at the illustrious Pork Palace, of Face Books fame. Seeing as how it was comedies night, and I is a dog with many funnies to tell, I taked some audience suggestions for creatures, places and things, then wroted a Very Fast Story with the suggestions. I did no editings, spell checkings, and hardly even any backspacings. It was like "Who's Line is it Anyway?" Except it was online. And with a dog. 

Cheering ups was needed on this very sad day. RIP, Lennox.

I asked the audiences for the name of a vet, an inappropriate place to pee, and something that dogs hate. The audiences camed up with Dr. Nutwackers, a pillow, and the pizza delivery guy.  Here is the story!


Once upon a time there was a brave and handsome wiener dog named Reuben. "Reuben," said Reuben's mama, you needs to go see Dr. Nutwackers." Reuben had a big nervous for this, for last time he sawed Dr. Nutwackers, the experience was far too literals. So brave and handsome Reuben devised a plan. "First I will pees on this pillow," he schemed, "and then I will orders a pizza with extra bacons." How this was a crafty plan, you is asking? It no was; Reuben just felt like peeing on the pillow and eating pizzas. "Is you ready to see Dr. Nutwacker?" asked Reuben's mama. "Just a minute Mama," he said, doing a very big Whizz on her favorite memory foam pillow. "AHHHHHH!" she said, when she camed in the room and caughted him. Reuben, a smart wiener dog, played dumb. "You mean I NO IS supposed to pee here? I no had an idea, Mama!" "It is okay, sweet Reuben, for you is the most amazing and beautiful wiener dog ever." (***actual response may has differed***) So while Mama went to wash her pillow out in the bathtub, Reuben called up for some pizzas. "Yes, that will be 5 extra-large double bacon and sausage and pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese and extra crust. This time, you no sends a delivery man with Scary Hat!" For Reuben hated Scary Hats. In about 30 minutes the doorbell ranged and Reuben ranned to answer it, barking all the ways. Then his Mama camed to the door. "I no has time for this, young man, I must take my poor dog to Dr. Nutwackers!" "Dr. Nutwackers?!" said Pizza Man. "He owns this pizza store, you no knowed that?" In fact, she no had known that, and Reuben no had either. Suddenly, Reuben flopped down on the pizza he was nomming on and felt a floaty feeling in his head. "What you has done to me!?" he slurred, before he was knocked completely out. When he woked up there was a great pain in his unmentionables and he was in a crate at Dr. Nutwackers office. "You may has fooled me this time, Nutwacker, but I will gets you next time. Mwahahahahaha.... " The End.

Thank yous all and good nights! For those of yous who has had too many bacontinis, please do proceedings to the line of peoples waiting outside with leashes to safely walks you home. If you is a talent scout from Second City, you may send my new contract to floppytonguejoy AT gmail DOT com. 


I gots two more of these stories from last night, and I will do more postings of them at another time! 

If you thinks I has many funnies, you can vote for me, Reuben, and my blog, Floppy Tongue Joy, in the 2012 Petties awards. I is a finalist in the Funniest Blog or Blogger category, so you gots to click on this link, do a Face Bookings login, and scroll down to my category and select Floppy Tongue Joy. Thank yous! 

I reveals my surprise... it no is what you was expecting!

Finally I gets a break from my extremely hectic schedule of chewings, peeings and vigilant sleepings. It is a lot of work to be me, Reuben! Probably someone should name their noble dachshund after me, since I is such a dignified and interesting kind of dog!

Ruby the Dachshund

Oh wait, someone DID name their dog after me!

Yes it is true - one of my Face Books admirers has adopted a beautiful senior rescue dachshund, like me, and named her Ruby, like me, Reuben! Fabre gotted this pretty lady from Furever Dachshund Rescue - she is 9 years old; has beautiful gray frostings, like me; and has fearsome tooths, also like me!

Grrrrr! She protects her new home with brave ferocities!

I no can say enough what very good dogs us senior rescues is. Many of us camed from a bad kind of situation - I did - and when we get adopted into loving forever homes, we appreciates it even more! Also our peoples appreciate all the moments we gets to spend together, for it is true what they says: every day is a gift. A gift of slurps, extreme adorableness and unconditional love! Us dachshunds is very good protectors too, so always we sleeps vigilantly, keeping one floppy ear open for intruders.

Here, Ruby is vigilantly awake!

And here Ruby is with her new family. They look like a very happy family to me. Even they has a mama, daddy and human sister - like me! (Also we has Hatfield the orange kitty, who no is my favorite). 

*slurp!!!*

If you happens to be needing more dachshunds in your life - as most people do - Furever Dachshund Rescue needs some nice peoples to be foster dog parents, especially up in the Northeasts (I is looking at you, Aunt Dana!). My only request is that all your foster dogs is named either Reuben or Ruby in my honor.... What do you mean that sounds confusing? It sounds perfect to me!

Oh, and I is sorry if I has led you to believe that I was getting a new sister/girlfriend/life partner/nemesis. For reasons I no can understand, Mama says she would like to has another dog, in addition to me, which is hurting to my feelings. I plan to be unwelcoming to any new dogs who comes even near our house, and hopefully I continues to be an Only Dog! 

Doesn't you want to know all about me? Of course you does!

My nice friend Tootsie over at Bicontinental Dachshund has challenged me to talk about my self - something I hardly ever does, for I is a very humble dog! So I answers these questions the humbleist I can. Thanks Tootsie!

I humbly waits for belly rubs.

1. Describe yourself in 7 words:


 Brave and handsome dachshund with floppy tongue! 


2. What keeps you up at night?
Intruders! Well, the threat of intruders. Even when I is sleeping soundly all through the nights, still I sleeps vigilantly in case of intruders. 


3. Who would you like to be?  


I would like to be the quality control inspector at the place where they makes the foodstuffs. I tests every one to make sure they has the best possible taste!


4. What are you wearing right now?


Mostly I is wearing my dignity. Oh, and my collar too.


5. What scares you?

What a silly question! I no is scared of anything, ever. Sometimes peoples think I is scared when I is shaking, like in these circumstances: baths, Rottweilers, doors at PetSmart, vacuum cleaner. It is because I get very COLD at these times. I shakes due to COLD, not FEAR!

6. The best and worst of blogging?

The best is showing how handsome, brave and smart I is! However, I would has more tail wags if more of my Face Books friends would  read it! (AHEM Face Books friends... ;)

7. Last website you've visited?

You no saw my last answer? Of course it was Face Books. I likes to share interesting articles, pictures, and philosophical thoughts. Sometimes I also writes about peeing and eating my own barf. 

8. One thing you'd change about yourself?


I is a perfect dog! Well... although my floppy tongue makes me even more extremely adorable, it is floppy because my former owners (whoever they is) no tooked care of my tooths. Now most of my lovely tooths is gone, and I has degeneration in my jaw. Sometimes I gets toothaches. And when I tries to bite Gretchen, my tooths come out! So I would give myself some beautiful healthy tooths. 




Now I think I gots to tag some good dogs! Let me see...



Freddy the Weiner Dog
Doxie Rod
Snoopy's Dog Blog


Most of my friends is Face Books dogs, and they no has dogblogs like me. So I is thinking I needs some more dogblog friends! If you reads my blog, I lets you pee in my yard! It is a very big honor, I assure you!

Gretchen on the loose!

Before you is starting to freak out, we has found Gretchen already. But this morning, Mama left the back door open for a minute and Gretchen the doxador decided to has an adventure!

Leah made this beautiful picture, hoping that someone would see it and then call our address. Leah almost is as helpful as me! Mama posted a picture in her Face Books, the book that is for all of our neighborhood. Someone called her about a minute later and said Gretchen was in their backyard! The nice person said that Gretchen jumped right into her car! So me, Leah and Mama hopped in our car and went to go fetch. (Fetching, by the way, no is something I do. If you throws my chewy, I runs over to it and snaps it up with my fearsome tooths and takes it to my very safe place. Because it is MINE!)


So I goes along for the ride, and when we gets there, Gretchen has escaped again! So then we drove down the street and looked and looked. I is such a very helpful dog that I barked and barked at everyone we saw. Mama had to yell "has you seen a dog running around here?" real loud over the sound of my ferocious barks. Here is what I was really saying: "I is a very good dog and no went on an adventure today, but Gretchen is a BAD dog and probably is in many troubles!"

"Like OMG, I iz a very bad dog!!1!!11!"

But soon we came to some nice peoples walking down the street, and there is Gretchen, walking along with them! (Almost I thought I would be an only dog again. Which I must admit, no is a bad idea. All the attentions SHOULD be mine). 


So that is the big news story of my day, and still it is only lunchtime (for humans - not for me, which gives me a great sadness). What the rest of the day holds for me, I wonder? I has no idea, but I does know this: since Gretchen NO IS getting any treats today, probably I will get double treats. So far I likes this day!

I comes back to my dogblog

Lately, too much of my times has been spent doing the Face Books. I has met some very handsome and dignified dogs there. Some is dachshunds, some is not, but they all is good dogs, like me! All the time, except for when we is bad (almost always I is a good dog). 

Sometimes I is posting my ideas and my musings and my beautiful pictures on the Face Books, instead of on my dogblog. I likes to share them with my new friends, and frankly there is SO many dogs on there, they no all has time to read all the different many blogs. But now I is missing Floppy Tongue Joy, so I has made a commitment to spend more of my times working on it. As long as it no cuts into the times for these things:

• chewing my squeaky chewies
• vigilantly sleeping
• cleaning foodstuffs off the kitchen floor
• peeing on things
• belly rubs
• barking at Hatfield
• bravely standing behind Mama during vacuum activities
• basement monsters
• not playing with Gretchen

I spends a lot of time not playing with Gretchen, since always she is wanting to play, and I is simply too dignified for that thing. Oh, another thing is:

• humping my bed

More to follow on that later. But for now, I leaves you with a lovely picture of Daddy carrying me in my bed: 

Do not think of trying to take my squeaky chewy, for it is MINE.

Welcome to my dogblog

I no is exactly sure what Internets are, but I think they’re not anything I can chew on, pee on or lay on. And those are my favorite things. These are my other favorite things: getting belly rubs, rolling in the sun, eating, taking adventure walks and barking at orange kitties. And guarding my Chewy. It’s my chewy it’s my chewy it’s MINE!!!

My mama’s good friend from grade school (and other friends too) really like to hear about my fascinating adventures, which I has mostly every day. Peeing on the lemon balm plant is an adventure! It no matters that I do it every day. I’m trying to pee on the whole thing. It’s MINE!!!

Meghan asked my mama to make an adventure blog for me. My own dogblog! It’s MINE!!! But since I can’t chew or pee on it, Mama says I have to trust her that it has an existence. I no understands Internets, but if it leads to more belly rubs, I’ll do it.

This is my dogblog – Floppy Tongue Joy. This picture will explain why.

My majestic tongue.

A really nice photographer found me wandering the mean streets of Greensboro, N.C. I was dirty and thin and a fleabag.  I had a mouth infection too; it hurt so bad I no had a bark (now I has a big bark).

Stacey took me home, bathed and fed me and gave me a blue and white snowflake blankie. Don’t touch my blankie – it’s MINE!!!

Then she went on a face book. Face books are on the Internets I guess, but since there no is food or chewies in any of those books, I has no particular interest. 

The woman who owns my mama’s favorite vintage store saw Stacey’s post and re-posted it. Post? Is the mail lady here!? I love to bark when she comes!

Anyway, my mama saw Kit’s post (and Stacey’s pictures of me) and she got an excitement. Mama said she wasn’t even looking for a dog. We has two super-annoying orange kitties; Mama got them even before my big sister Leah was born. Hatfield and Kanga no had an excitement about me becoming a Stroble. I had an excitement about barking at them every chance I got! I does that now too!

Hatfield is very suspicious. Here he is getting ready for court.

This is Kanga. If she looks blurry, it is because she always has a spazz. Here she is getting a "White Belly."

For Hatfield and Kanga I no has a particular like. They gives me an entertainment though.

Then – on a face book again – Mama’s old friend Meghan said I should has my own dogblog to tell all the friends and family about my adventures. I no has an actual age, and I mostly no has teeth, so you might think I no has adventures.

But I does! I love to go to the park and figure out what all other dogs have been through recently. Then I pee on whatever they peed on to let the whole world know that this telephone pole is MINE!!!

I even had a trip to the dog park a couple times. But the other dogs are so big, I has a frightened and try to hide behind Mama. There’s lots of interesting sniffs there though.

Most mornings I help take Leah to school. I ride in the car with my nose just barely poking out the window. Then we come home and I has a walk, and I check on my very important telephone pole. It’s MINE!!!

This is my big sister, Leah.

Mama and Daddy say they has a new girlfriend for me! It was Leah’s idea – she no has human brothers and sisters, so she can has two dachshunds. 

Her name is Ingrid and she’s from Greensboro too! I’ve been Reuben Stroble for almost one year. When Ingrid has an arrival, there will be two orange cats, three humans and two wiener dogs.

Alison, the same nice dachshund rescuer, got a stray Ingrid and my mama went through a face book and saw her. Jeez, is Mama in a face book all the time? (Right now she no has a job, so she has lots more time to give me belly rubs).

You may has noticed my majestic Snaggletooth and regal Floppy Tongue. Snaggletooth was just already there, but after mouth surgery (I losted 11 teeth!) I now has 11 teeth left. The rest of my teeth no can contain the amazingness of my Floppy Tongue. 

This dogblog will be all about my very interesting adventures, of which I has one almost every day. 

This dogblog exists because of Kit, Stacey, Alison, Meghan and my mama. 

Happy tails!

(wagwagwagwagwag)

PS. It’s my blog it’s my blog it’s MINE!!!