A box of chewies and treats for Reuben!

Friends, the lady in the blue pants rang my doorbell and ranned away yesterday, AGAIN. I was very busy with my nap and I no appreciated the interruption, for of course my resounding barks was required. But when I sawed what she left on my porch, I was glad instead! I is so proud to has winned a prize in Gizmo and Finn's illustrious Parking Day, and here is some photos of the floppy tongue joy this box broughted to me. 

People sister helped me open the box.

OMD what it is? Is it mine?

OMFD it is SQUEAKY. MUST HAVE NOW.

Hold on a minute, I wants that thingy too!

Seriously, people sister - this NO IS COOL.

You asked for it - THE BITEY FACE,

If I sit on them, they becomes mine forever.

chewys... treats... they're all here! 'sigh'

It is hard to see in this photo, but next to the Kong treats is a dog poop bag dispenser. People sister thoughted it was so neat that we went for a walk to test it out right away! (It was still Mama's job to clean up the poop though). It has been raining here for about eleventy hundred days, and it was just the right moment in between of the showers too. 

OMD, this is so embarassing.

I  kicked really hard to cover it up.

But Mama still finded it and putted it in this bag. The poop, I means.

This is a gratuitous photo of my personal Self being stubborn on my walk. Boyz 2 Men was WRONG when they said we comed to the end of the road.

So thank you very much, Gizmo and Finn. I love my stuffs and you is both Good Dogs.

Now, friends, I has a few things I want to does remindings of. One of thems is that MY book, the one I wroted with my own two paws (and like almost no helps from Mama), is going to be featured in the grand openings of the Pet Blogger Mall!  Soon there will be a big store on the internets that sells all kinds of stuffs made by pet bloggers like myself. This place is gonna be so pawsome - can you imagine the possibilities for that strange time of year when peoples bring trees into the house and expect you to no pee on them? So go subscribe to the mall blog so you can gets all the details as they happens. 

Here is my next announcing: this very Saturday, May 11, is the North Carolina Wiener Roast.  Held annually at Castle McCullough (seriously, it is a flipping castle), it is the best and biggest dachshund party that ever there has been in the whole entire world. I mean, out of all the ones I has attended. Okay, this is the only one I has attended. And it was basically the funnest day ever. And this year I will be there again, sitting on my very own table, selling copies of my book! I knows that Garth Riley will be stopping by to say hello, and if any others of my friends is semi-near to Greensboro, NC, you should come too (I's looking at you, Madi!). Proceeds from this lovely event will goes to Almost Home Dachshund Rescue  and Dachshund Rescue of North America. I promise to no pee on you or even try to dead you if you comes to visit me there. Of course, it will help if you brings treats. 

Best.... day..... ever!!!

Parking Day! I think that is right....

Hello friends, I is so excited about how today is Parking Day! Finn & Charlie and Gizmo has set up this lovely day to encourage all brave dogs to go outside and pee on explore a park. I no has to go far to find my park, for it is across the street from my house. Though I has done many, many peeings in it, there is ALWAYS something new to pee on. It is a fantastic park!

There was a LOT of this going on.

And some of this....

And then some more of this.

What a lovely flower. Now I proceeds to eat it.

Sniffing sniffing sniffing sniffing

 I's almost out of pee, but I must persevere! 

At this house they has chickens in the backyard! Mama has sawed them before, but for some unfair reason I no is allowed to.....

Hold on, I think I can find some more pee for this tree.

Is that a SQUIRREL?! OMFG SQUIRREL!!!1!!1

Here is some Instagram photos that Mama magicked to look nicer than anything she could possibly do with iphone camera:

I posted this picture on my face books, and it said: "Fear me, Reuben, and my mighty bark! Ruff, ruff!"

Lovely flowers. Yes, I peed on them.

This is people sister and her dog "Rufus." "Rufus" is a brown dachshund who sings  "Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)." I is a little jealous of "Rufus." 

What a beautiful spring day!

When people sister was littler she started calling this gazebo "the pirate ship." We still calls it that. 

Another view of the pirate ship.

Parking Day was fantastic! However...... I got very involved in pooping on and then kicking a large pile of leaves, which resulted in me having a very gross hindquarter region. So.....

AAAAHHHHHHHHH

Oh, the humanities....

I think I sees escape route....

THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!

Still, Parking Day was a lot of fun. And surely I will do it all over again in a couple of days! Thanks Finn, Charlie and Gizmo for establishing this lovely holiday.

Reuben's outdoor adventures

Friends, today I has two things to tell you of. One involves sausage. The other involves... well, if you follows me on Face Books then already you knows of this travesty.

oh, the horrors.... I remembers it like it was yesterday.... oh wait, it was yesterday.

Anyways, a few days ago we did a campfire and some cookings out at the farm! I ated many delicious things. First up was the sausage! I ated it so fast you no even can see it.

sausage stealth mode!

 Then an entire veggie burger felled on the ground! First I ated the bread (that should tell you how I feels about veggie burgers).

*nomnomnomnomnom*

Then I ated the burger part.

I liked the bread part better, Mama!

Guess what fell next? A corn!

It is a foodstuff and a chewy, all rolled up into one!

I use the term "fell" loosely. Perhaps you can see in this photo how I is helping myself to some foodstuffs on top of the cooler (blue with white lid, behind fire):

Daddy, you forgotted to give me these foodstuffs! So I will take them.

It was a very nice evening.


Then....


Yesterday I was out in the yard, checking my pee-mails.

Just copies me on the attachment and pdf it for me, okays?

Then I worked on perfecting my post-pee kick. Does you see the flying grass?

This is what I think of your bmp image!!!

Next thing I knowed, White Fuzzy from next door was watching me. 

Can I help yous, White Fuzzy?

 But...

.....

This time he and/or she no was nice. We had quite an exchange of barkings and growlings through the fence. I has to let him and/or her know who is boss! (Hint: it is me). However, the events that took place next made me question this whole "boss" thing:

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!11!!1

Yes it is true, Mama grabbed me and, right in front of White Fuzzy and the whole neighborhood, rudely drenched me in WATERS and SOAP!.... what's that Mama? Oh, she wants me to add that it was extremely warm yesterday and hose water would has felt refreshing, if I was the kind of dog who liked waters. I no does. Then I aerodynamically dried my Self.

Look at the aerodynamicals on my ears!

Then I sat in Mama's lap to finish drying off.

I think I still loves you, even though you has tried to kill me with waters and  disgusting soaps

Next time this happens to me, Reuben, I is hoping that you all will call FBI during the horrible proceedings, for surely this kind of thing is illegal in 87 states.

A trip to the farm for me, a brave and fast dachshund

Aahhhh a freakishly long-legged dachshund-labrador mix!

The lovely photo above is from when I first gotted to the farm. Here is a little bit of backgrounds: Gretchen, the doxie you see here who is trying to attack my beautiful tongue, used to live with us. However she was annoying and also we think part-wolf, for she spent all of her time doing escapings and romping gleefully through the cities. So Gretchen went to live on Grandpa's farm, where she could run free in the wild. Then Grandpa's neighbors got big frowny faces, even though all she ever does is try to lick people to death and jump into their laps. So now she gots to be tied up outside, and she is a Very Sad Dog. I is looking into electric fence options to contain her annoyingness to Grandpa's properties.

I'm Gretchen and I'm Beautiful yet Highly Annoying

 I wrote the part about how she is highly annoying. This next photo is of me running into Grandpa's house to eat all of Gretchen's foodstuffs. It is blurry because I is so fast!

Food food food food food

Mama tooked Gretchen's foodstuffs away from me, on account of how I is a very stout kind of dog.

Mama, can I has the foods that you think is Gretchen's but really they is mine?

Below you will find Gretchen, too dumb to know about my attempts to eat all of her foodstuffs.

I'm Gretchen and I has many more tooths than Reuben. Hehehe.

Then I had to go back outside to pee on some stuff. This picture also has a blurry, but if you look closely you will see the best right leg extension ever executed on a pee spot cover up kick. 

See that red squiggly? It is Gretchen's leash, hehehehe

All these butterflies was hanging out,  but they no has beauties like mine!  

Is that butterfly prettier than me? No, it no is.

Then..... it was time..... for my Big Adventure!

Look how excited I is! My tongue is so long!

We started out in the fields so I could inspect the crops and fertilize the soil. See how Gretchen is on a leash? It is because she is so bad and runs off for hours and hours and the neighbors has a big angry. Hehehe!

I fertilized the soil by pooping on it!

Then my wild animal instincts emerged and I ran and ran and ran! I was pretty much the fastest thing ever.

Also I beat Gretchen at a race, but you no can tell from this photo.

I decided I no was stinky enough, so I rolled in something gross.

I must be the stinkiest Reuben I can be!

Then I had to shake. See how aerodynamic my ears is? I is a highly optimized shaking machine.

I loves to shake, the farm is a very good place for that.

Next I had to both inspect and supervise some of the plantses.

They all is looking good. Good to pee on, anyway.

 Me and Gretchen was tired dogs.

Also we was tongue twins. Best... picture.... ever.

 We felled asleep, except I felled asleep with Mama on this bed and Grandpa felled asleep with Gretchen on his bed. Except the next morning, things was looking rather different:

Something no feels right..... and it feels like Gretchen too.

Even though Gretchen tried to steal my Mama's bed, still I had a amazing farm adventure. Mama says I ranned so fast and was so happy that she will try to take me out there more often! 

In other newses, tomorrow I has my dentals at Vet. Aaaahhhhh! Probably it is for real this time; I no can escape with that whole "bloodwork thing" again.  Please think of me tomorrow while I is having my tooths stolen. I will try very hard to be brave. Actually I always is brave, I no even has to try.