A trip to the farm for me, a brave and fast dachshund

Aahhhh a freakishly long-legged dachshund-labrador mix!

The lovely photo above is from when I first gotted to the farm. Here is a little bit of backgrounds: Gretchen, the doxie you see here who is trying to attack my beautiful tongue, used to live with us. However she was annoying and also we think part-wolf, for she spent all of her time doing escapings and romping gleefully through the cities. So Gretchen went to live on Grandpa's farm, where she could run free in the wild. Then Grandpa's neighbors got big frowny faces, even though all she ever does is try to lick people to death and jump into their laps. So now she gots to be tied up outside, and she is a Very Sad Dog. I is looking into electric fence options to contain her annoyingness to Grandpa's properties.

I'm Gretchen and I'm Beautiful yet Highly Annoying

 I wrote the part about how she is highly annoying. This next photo is of me running into Grandpa's house to eat all of Gretchen's foodstuffs. It is blurry because I is so fast!

Food food food food food

Mama tooked Gretchen's foodstuffs away from me, on account of how I is a very stout kind of dog.

Mama, can I has the foods that you think is Gretchen's but really they is mine?

Below you will find Gretchen, too dumb to know about my attempts to eat all of her foodstuffs.

I'm Gretchen and I has many more tooths than Reuben. Hehehe.

Then I had to go back outside to pee on some stuff. This picture also has a blurry, but if you look closely you will see the best right leg extension ever executed on a pee spot cover up kick. 

See that red squiggly? It is Gretchen's leash, hehehehe

All these butterflies was hanging out,  but they no has beauties like mine!  

Is that butterfly prettier than me? No, it no is.

Then..... it was time..... for my Big Adventure!

Look how excited I is! My tongue is so long!

We started out in the fields so I could inspect the crops and fertilize the soil. See how Gretchen is on a leash? It is because she is so bad and runs off for hours and hours and the neighbors has a big angry. Hehehe!

I fertilized the soil by pooping on it!

Then my wild animal instincts emerged and I ran and ran and ran! I was pretty much the fastest thing ever.

Also I beat Gretchen at a race, but you no can tell from this photo.

I decided I no was stinky enough, so I rolled in something gross.

I must be the stinkiest Reuben I can be!

Then I had to shake. See how aerodynamic my ears is? I is a highly optimized shaking machine.

I loves to shake, the farm is a very good place for that.

Next I had to both inspect and supervise some of the plantses.

They all is looking good. Good to pee on, anyway.

 Me and Gretchen was tired dogs.

Also we was tongue twins. Best... picture.... ever.

 We felled asleep, except I felled asleep with Mama on this bed and Grandpa felled asleep with Gretchen on his bed. Except the next morning, things was looking rather different:

Something no feels right..... and it feels like Gretchen too.

Even though Gretchen tried to steal my Mama's bed, still I had a amazing farm adventure. Mama says I ranned so fast and was so happy that she will try to take me out there more often! 

In other newses, tomorrow I has my dentals at Vet. Aaaahhhhh! Probably it is for real this time; I no can escape with that whole "bloodwork thing" again.  Please think of me tomorrow while I is having my tooths stolen. I will try very hard to be brave. Actually I always is brave, I no even has to try.