Friday, November 18, 2011

I gots a new activity. PS: There is basement monsters involved.

"Basement monsters?" you may be saying to yourself. Yes my friends, it is all true. There no is a need to worry though, because I is doing a great job keeping my family safe from their terror!

See how I is watching Gretchen and Hatfield? I is like a hawk.

A few days ago Mama noticed Gretchen being very very curious about one particular spot in the floor of the living room. Right where there is a vent and a little hole for wires.  Because I no is the kind of dog to let Gretchen has all the fun, I waddled over to get a good sniff of the situation. My conclusion? There is furry little monsters living in the basement ceiling. Which happens to be under the living room floor.

Now I will be honest, because I always is: things can be getting a little bit boring around here, now that the outside has developed chilliness. I spend lots of time sleeping vigilantly and chewing on my chewies. MINE. Also growling at Gretchen and snapping with every one of my nine tooths. She is always wanting to play or something, but she no has an understand that I is a very dignified wiener dog who no has time for puppy play. I take my job of house protector very seriously. 

I hides in the shadows, then I goes in for the kill.

Which is why I is taking this issue of basement monsters very seriously. I no is exactly sure what they is, but they is very quiet. Mostly I know they are there by their scent, which believe me, no is particularly pleasant. I spends many minutes tracking them back and forth across the floor. Also sniffing and barking at the vent where they has set up camp in MY HOUSE.

I think they has nocturnals, so right now I is just sitting on Mama's lap and typing. But I is warning you right now, basement monsters, if you is having internets to read this: I no will rest until you has evacuated MY vent, except for during the day when you is asleep, and for during the night when I is asleep upstairs. Consider yourselves lucky that I is a lowrider wiener dog who no can jump off the bed or walk down the stairs. But I is watching you. Almost all the time.


  1. You are a great protector!


  2. I think Gretchen secretly appreciates the protections you offer with your 9 teeth and your barking!

  3. Thank you, Kim. I think I does a great job as a guard dog!

    Alison, Gretchen had BETTER appreciate all I does for us. What would we do without me?

  4. Reuben,
    this is your friend Ralphis. I no likes to read you saying you waddled. That must have been jealous Gretchen talking because we both know you no waddle. You walks stoutly. And you are now walking extra stoutly to show those basement monsters you no scared of them.

  5. Ralphie! I has missed you. I has been informed about recent breaches in my securities, and believe me, I is changing my secret words and updating my softwares. Which is all very difficult to do on a typewriter, as you may imagines. From one stout brave dog to another.


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