Saturday, October 22, 2011

Me and Gretchen fights like dogs and cats

This morning, right after a breakfast of crunchy deliciousness, a terrible thing has occurred. Being that Gretchen and I is wiener dogs, we loves our foods more than almost any other thing. In my opinion, Mama no gives us enough! I has to be working on my insulation for the winter. Being that Gretchen and I was irritated by not having more foods (Mama says something about "portion control," whatever that is), we had a enormous tussle and Gretchen SAT ON ME using her giant freakish legs.

Well, I no is a kind of dog who takes this, so I puts all my strength into biting her with my fearsome tooth. Unfortunately for me, Gretchen's body is more solid than I expected, and my tooth decay is a little more advanced than I had a knowledge of. So when Mama came over and pulled her off of me, she saw that I has a bloody mouth and a very loose tooth. 

Thankfully it was NOT my snaggletooth, which has almost as much magnificence as my tongue. Before the tussle I had four teeth in the fronts. Now, when I go back to the vet on Monday, I will has only three fronts. And I no is happy about that.

I still has both of these teeth, thanks goodness.

So after the mighty tussle Mama and Leah took me to the doctor. Also, despite what you may has heard, I was shaking because it was VERY CHILLY in the office. I no was frightened at all. But I sees how you might think that, given the amount of shaking I was doing. If I had my sweater on, I no would shake at all. Really. In fact, I was so brave that I tooks my shot with no having any problems. The doctor gave Mama some medicine for me (blech), and paid on the way out, and said "you is a very expensive dog, Reuben." Though I no knows what that means.

I made extra sure to pee really good on the fence in front of the offices. It's my fence it's my fence it's MINE! I peed on it a couple times before Mama picked me up and put me in the car. I CAN get into the car all by myselfs, I just no feels like doing it. Ever. If I ever feels like doing it, I will lets you all know.

I has to go back to the doctor on Monday, as I said befores. After all that I STILL has my loose and bloody tooth, mostly because I no lets anyone look in my mouth. EVER. They will has to give me anesthesias. That is the only way I will lets people look in my mouth, because I no can help it when I is asleep.

Now I is tired of typing, so I plans to go lie in the sun for a long whiles. I is feeling ok, but I no has a particular like for Gretchen at this time. The vet said "Reuben, don't go getting into fights with dogs bigger than you!" I no knows what she is talking about, since I is definitely the biggest dog in the neighborhood. Gretchen is lucky I hurted my tooth like that - if that no had happened, SHE would has to visit the vet instead of me. Mama says she has a headache now. But it is hard for me to care about that, since I has a toothache.


  1. Hope you feel better soon :)


  2. Thank you, Kim. I is feeling much better today. I has my bark back too! Mama said this vet is costing lots of monies, so she will call a different vet for removing my beautiful tooths. I will keeps you posted.

  3. Dear Reuben,

    I learned about you from my friend, Angie. She has a blog about rats. I must admit, I'm not fan of rodents, but I like their silly costumes. However, I DO love dogs, and you're officially one of my favorites in the canine kingdom. What a magnificent tongue you have!!! All the other dogs must be so jealous. I bet you protect the neighborhood with a fierce wonder. I'm so sorry to hear about your tragic injury. I hope you keep all your other "tooths" for a long time to come. I will be visiting my friend (and her adorably strange rats) in November. I hope to meet you in person. I'll tell all my friends about your fascinating talents. After all, how often does one learn of a dog that can type?



  4. Becca, it is true: I is one amazing, magnificent, talented wiener dog! I will give you many licks when I meets you in November. You does understand that I has to bark at you first though. But please, you must no take offenses to that. It is only a formality. Tomorrow I will know more about the tooths situation and I will keep you posted.

  5. Thanks, Ellie. We is actually sensation far better these days. We offers my personal start barking back again as well! Mother stated this particular veterinarian is actually priced at plenty of charges, therefore she'll phone another veterinarian with regard to getting rid of my personal stunning tooths. I'll retains a person submitted.

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