WOW! That is a lot of spams for Reuben.

I has my crazy eyes on you, spammers.

Since my last post there has been some.... spam-related developments. Unfortunate ones. It appears my dogblog is enjoying a newfound and highly annoying popularity with more and more spammers every day! They have greatly increased the amount of insightful commentaries deposited onto my dogblog - just in the last 5 days! I think it is because very few peoples, let alone dogs, truly takes the time to address the questionings and concernings of spammers the way I does. They is a very misunderstood group I is now seeing, desperate for attention and also for the three copper coins they gets into Nigerian bank account when someone clicks on their sketchy and probably illegal fun and enlightening links.

Spammers now is flocking to me, Reuben, for advice on many different kinds of things, and offering advices of their own, and my burgeoning populatities has given me a great amount more of blog-monitoring duties. These has begun to encroach on my chewing and napping schedules, and as a result I has had to make a change to my commentary moderations. That change being mainly that now all commentaries will be moderated.

It is a great burden to be the pioneering soul that I is, willing to take time out of my busy day to address the concerns of spammers. Now I faces unusual dilemma: if I requires user registration in order to post commentaries, no longer will my loyal spam readers be able to break through, and no longer I will be able to has more of Reuben's Q&As with Spammers! So for now, I does commentary moderation in order to control the flood of auto-translated vomit lovely fan mails of which I has recently become a frequent recipient.

Now if you will does an excusing of me, I is very tired after a long night of whining and also stepping all over Mama to make her carry me downstairs for a drink of water, after which she no could go back to sleep for eleventy hours. If I no gets 19 hours of sleep a day I gets crabby! I think Mama never gets enough sleeps, for often she is crabby. I's sure that has nothing to do with my frequent thirsties in the middle of the night.

More waters. NOW.

Pee S: Mama had my increased thirsties checked out at vet, and Vet says I is in perfect health, as usuals, and Mama no needs to worry about it other than for how much sleeps she is losing due to me waking her up in the nights.

Another of Reuben's amazing Q&As with spammers

Good evenings, Stinky Monkey and I welcomes you to master peace theaters. 

Greetings friends, it is time for an installment that is very dear and near to my heart. Since many of my blog readers is spammers, I feels a obligation to take a sampling of their commentaries on my postings and respond in full. So without further adoo, here is a transcript of my latest discussion with my favorite spammers!

I is so excited; I is on needles and pins for your commentaries!

Q: You should be a part of a contest for one of the finest sites on the internet. I am going to highly recommend this web site! Here is my web blog :: terrific pictures of a golden retriever. - Hksbddgynfauea Simon  

A: Well thank yous very much, I is one of the finest sites on the internet. Now, terrific pictures of a golden retriever.... ok spammer, it is my turn to ask you a questioning. Can you tell me why that approximately 87% of the spams on my dogblog is about golden retrievers? Seriously, there is a LOT of thems, which I has left our forthwith due to redundancies. Has you even taked the time to notice that I is a brave and noble dachshund? Next questioning.

Q: For many stud owners, that is when it is scheduled to appear in court next month. I managed to get the lower class masses to serve the [inappropriate words removed]. He always says they are pieces of satire. - Windowsqeeeefeeeef John

A: Clearly you is suffering from severe mental illness. Not to worry friend, I has about 87 mental institutions on speed dial. We will get you all fixed up real soon. Hang in there buddy, I feels for you!

Q: It daydreams, wanders and drifts among loosely and tenuously connected thoughts... -Garth McSpam

A: Garth. That was a haiku. Next questioning please.

Q: And slowly one day you would also be into ashes as you smoked more than the limit. - Matt Spameron

A: Sorry spammer, you has walked right into this one: I's pretty sure that you is the one who has smoked more than the limit. Next please.... yes, down in front?

Q: Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It if truth be told used to be a leisure account it. Glance advanced to far 

added agreeable from you! However, how could we keep up a correspondence? my blog post ... seo services india  - Iagentnetwork Blount

A: Obviously you has been reading my dogblog, as auspishous is one of my most favoritest words! My favorite part is how it rhymes with suspishous. However, I believe you has spelled it wrong. Please buy a dictionary. Who's next?

Q: Ι just cοuld not depart уоur site before suggesting that Ι rеally enjоyeԁ thе usual info an individual proνіde on your 

guestѕ? Is gonna bе back incesѕаntly to cheсk out new posts My blog utility bucket truck. - Royaldicelottery Jenkins 

A: O.....M.....D..... How you knowed that exactly what I needed was a utility bucket truck?! It is like you has readed my mind! I has a plan to do this robot battle thing against Daddy on his tractor, and clearly I has just found the ticket to winning that match! 

Q: Unlike the free market the black market cannot be regulated to control inflation and validity of transactions. She 

was an experienced smoker, quite younger than me. - Oceangreenoffers Waddell

A: I think I has made a serious mistake somewheres in the course of my bloggings. A lot of peoples, like your fine self, seems to be mistaking me for a people. Does you know what percentage of dogs is smokers? I's pretty sure it is less than 8.7%. Your marketing tactics is wasted on me, smoking spammer! 

No tries to lure me in with your bacons, spammers. Is clever ploy though.

Well spammers, this has been an enlightening and thought-provoking conversating, but unfortunately our time is up. Please continue to leave your insightful commentaries - and I knows you will, for nothing has stopped you yet, not even my "comment moderation on posts older than 10 days!" Seriously though, my filters is catching all of your commentaries and sending them directly to a special folder with your name on it, so you can rest assured that they will all be available for perusal at my leisure and for comedic purposes! It has been a pleasure. 

I no understands what this means. But seriously, you knows it's true.

Pee S: A big thank you to Spam Name Generator, who helped me make totally false names for find the correct identities of my lovely spammers.

More funs with spammers

The spams just keeps coming here at Floppy Tongue Joy, and I for one no could be happier. Those of yous who has word verifications turned on, and you knows who you is, is really missing out. In casing you missed my last post about my favorite spammers, I will lets you know that I receives spams that Blogger is very good at catching before the comments is published. Still I gets e-mail when I has new comment, and so these lovely nuggets of wisdom comes straight to my inbox! Is I a lucky dog or what?

Almost as lucky as when Daddy gaved me this steak bone!

What I likes to does is gather all of my spammers together in a room to has a Q&A session with the author, which is me, Reuben. Clearly they is big fans of Floppy Tongue Joy - for example, this guy named "Anonymous" leaves tons of commentaries! What a dedicated reader. So here is the transcript of my 2nd edition of Reuben's Q&As with Spammers:

"A tastier and richer dark chocolate will eventually destroy the foundations of what sustains a committed relationship.  Most of these scenarios dont mean for sure that the relationship bottoms of his shoes, which is highly offensive in the region." - Spam Yankee

Mr. Yankee - and I knows you is a mister and not a misses, based on your lack of knowledge about women, chocolate and relationships  - your commentary is highly offensive to my region. My mama is expert on dark chocolate, and let me tells you that when Daddy does something wrong, bringing her dark chocolate is a very good way to sustain the committed relationship. I will agree with you on one point though - the bottoms of Daddy's shoes is offensive. Next question, please.

"What's up every one, here every person is sharing such experience, so it's fastidіouѕ to rеaԁ thіs weblog, аnd I useԁ tо vіsit thіs blog everуԁay. Also visit my web-site colon cleanse boise id." - Spam-Wow Guy

OK, that no is really a question, but I rolls with it. In fact, I has question for you: what is a We Blog? Maybe it is some kind of crowdsourcing resource for colon cleanser salesmans from Boise? I suggest you share your colon-related experiences on that kind of website instead of here. Who is the next questioner..... yes, you there in the back?

"This is not something that you want to take lightly. Making fun of yourself may be ether good or bad based on the way you do it. Do not sign onto your dating profiles from public computers, and keep your computer's security software updated."  - Spamerella

These is very good advices, Spamerella, thank you for sharing thems. Two things I certainly never makes light of is a) internet safety and 2) making fun of peoples. I would never make fun of peoples. Catses on the other paw is different story. Next question?

"Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author. I will always bookmark your blog and may come back at some point." - The Spamburgler 

My my, you always bookmarks my dogblog, and even you might come BACK to visit me someday? If only I could be so lucky! Next question, yes, you there, man with crazy eyes.

"Taking your date to your partner? And you ARE To improve the match and cheer for your children to naturally adapt to the old food. . Anywhere you are going on. All the while they remember you and we still don't know yourself then you can send messages and you will have a huge amount of confidence which people over the last.. Turn your mundane online Dating a neighbor and not to marry a non-believer? Connection between you to ensure singles make out in Ventura, Cali." Sir Spam-a-Lot

I thinks you no has been reading my dogblog very often, for if you was, you would know this is PG-rated site! Maybe you only is getting keyword match for my posts about my humpy beds - Red, Blue, and New. What I feels for my humpy beds - all of thems - is real and true lovings. Except for when I is attacking thems. Other than that, it is a deep and heartfelt kind of love. Never does I simply "make out" with humpy beds. I is in it to win it, sir.  Looks like we has time for one more questioning.... yes, you there, front and center."

"Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it's driving me insane so any assistance is very much appreciated. payday loans no credit check online pay day loans online payday loans instant cash loans online payday loans online the payday no credit check payday loans Feel free to visit my web-site guaranteed payday loans."  - I Spam a Cinematographer 

Well, you has certainly said a mouthful there, Mr. Spamatological. The name of the plug-in I uses is.... oh wait, I no has one. The reason for this is so I makes sure to never miss a commentary from an insightful and apparently endlessly wealthy lender such as yourself. Mama is expecting 1 million dollar paycheck very soon; I will be contacting you privately on the details of you advancing us those monies immediately. 

Thank yous very much for this enlightening experience, spammers, and please, keep the commentaries coming! 

For non-spammers, today is the last day to enter Reuben's Frosty Paws giveaway. I no can takes any entries after midnight, Eastern time, February 1, 2013. I no can waits to do an announcing of the winners tomorrow! 

A Q&A with some of my favorite spammers

Recently I has been getting some interesting spam commentaries on my dogblog. Of course, they no makes it to publications, since my lovely Blogger filter catches all of thems, but still I gets a pee-mail when a new spam commentary comes in. I thought it would be interesting to gather all of my favorite spammers into a forum to has a discussion. So I did. And here is a transcript of the Q & A portions:

Uggh I is so tired of spams; can I has roast beefs instead?!

"With overnight payday loans you can fetch the loan amount in varied ranging from $100 to $1500 with the time period of 14 to 31 days."  -Spamasaurus Rex

Thank you for your question, Spamasaurus Rex. But.....Fetch?! Okay, clearly you no has been reading my dogblog for very long, if at all. I no is the kind of dog to does a fetching. I make my mama do all of the fetching for me. Next commentary, please.

"I read this post completely regarding the comparison of hottest and preceding technologies, it's amazing article." - Spammy McSpammerson

Hello Spammy, what an interesting commentary. Yes it is true, I is a dog of many technologicals. I has even figured how to connect my typewriter to the innertubes! You is correct, my technologics skills is amazing. I should talk more about this in my dogbloggings. Next please..... yes, you there in the back? 

"οbѵiouslу lіκe your web-site but yоu need to tаκe a look at thе spellіng оn ѕеveгal of youг posts. Manу of them aгe rife with sрelling problems and I find it very troublesome tο inform the truth nevегthelesѕ I will surelу come again agaіn." - Abraspam Lincoln

Excuse me for a moment.... I's sorry, Abraspam, I no can stop laughing..... ok, I gathers my Self together to discuss your commentary. Ahem. Now. You seems to be saying that my spellings  no is perfect. So I invites you to come back another time, like when you has learned how to use capital letters and punctuations. Next!

"great pics!!!! very country side effect, love your outfit so chic and lovely!!!"  - Spamanda Bynes

Well thank yous very much, Spamanda, my cavedog sweater IS both chic AND lovely. And yes it is true, some of my stories is set in the countrysides, since I is both a city dog and a farm dog. I is very impressed to find a spammer who has actually been reading my dogblog. Next questioning, please?

"Sweet history. Tends to make me personally desire to be greater. Thanks for expressing. You happen to be amazing." - Sarah Silverspam

Yes it is true Sarah - I is amazing. Really there no is any more to be said on that subject, I think that pretty much covers it. Next questioning..... hold on, is you..... Charlie Spam?!

"I loved as much as you'll receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike. Review my page ... watch two and a Half men."

.....

Now look here Charlie Spam - you has sanked pathetically low to be leaving dogblog comments that sneakily redirects to reruns of your extremely awful sadly cancelled show. What's that? Oh, your show is still running? But you no is in it? Hmmm, I no can imagine why. But seriously, does you has nothing better to does than spam up my dogblog? That is very sad, Charlie Spam. Very sad. But not sad enough for me to care that much.


____________________________


Now I would like to know from you, dogblogger friends; does you gets spams on your dogblogs too, and if so, is they as insightful and interesting as the spams on mine?