Monday, March 18, 2013

Another of Reuben's amazing Q&As with spammers

reuben the dachshund with his stinky monkey
Good evenings, Stinky Monkey and I welcomes you to master peace theaters. 

Greetings friends, it is time for an installment that is very dear and near to my heart. Since many of my blog readers is spammers, I feels a obligation to take a sampling of their commentaries on my postings and respond in full. So without further adoo, here is a transcript of my latest discussion with my favorite spammers!

spam in Reuben's inbox
I is so excited; I is on needles and pins for your commentaries!

Q: You should be a part of a contest for one of the finest sites on the internet. I am going to highly recommend this web site! Here is my web blog :: terrific pictures of a golden retriever. - Hksbddgynfauea Simon  

A: Well thank yous very much, I is one of the finest sites on the internet. Now, terrific pictures of a golden retriever.... ok spammer, it is my turn to ask you a questioning. Can you tell me why that approximately 87% of the spams on my dogblog is about golden retrievers? Seriously, there is a LOT of thems, which I has left our forthwith due to redundancies. Has you even taked the time to notice that I is a brave and noble dachshund? Next questioning.

Q: For many stud owners, that is when it is scheduled to appear in court next month. I managed to get the lower class masses to serve the [inappropriate words removed]. He always says they are pieces of satire. - Windowsqeeeefeeeef John

A: Clearly you is suffering from severe mental illness. Not to worry friend, I has about 87 mental institutions on speed dial. We will get you all fixed up real soon. Hang in there buddy, I feels for you!

Q: It daydreams, wanders and drifts among loosely and tenuously connected thoughts... -Garth McSpam

A: Garth. That was a haiku. Next questioning please.

Q: And slowly one day you would also be into ashes as you smoked more than the limit. - Matt Spameron

A: Sorry spammer, you has walked right into this one: I's pretty sure that you is the one who has smoked more than the limit. Next please.... yes, down in front?

Q: Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It if truth be told used to be a leisure account it. Glance advanced to far 
added agreeable from you! However, how could we keep up a correspondence? my blog post ... seo services india  - Iagentnetwork Blount

A: Obviously you has been reading my dogblog, as auspishous is one of my most favoritest words! My favorite part is how it rhymes with suspishous. However, I believe you has spelled it wrong. Please buy a dictionary. Who's next?

Q: Ι just cοuld not depart уоur site before suggesting that Ι rеally enjоyeԁ thе usual info an individual proνіde on your 
guestѕ? Is gonna bе back incesѕаntly to cheсk out new posts My blog utility bucket truck. - Royaldicelottery Jenkins 

A: O.....M.....D..... How you knowed that exactly what I needed was a utility bucket truck?! It is like you has readed my mind! I has a plan to do this robot battle thing against Daddy on his tractor, and clearly I has just found the ticket to winning that match! 

Q: Unlike the free market the black market cannot be regulated to control inflation and validity of transactions. She 
was an experienced smoker, quite younger than me. - Oceangreenoffers Waddell

A: I think I has made a serious mistake somewheres in the course of my bloggings. A lot of peoples, like your fine self, seems to be mistaking me for a people. Does you know what percentage of dogs is smokers? I's pretty sure it is less than 8.7%. Your marketing tactics is wasted on me, smoking spammer! 

spam with real hormel bacon!
No tries to lure me in with your bacons, spammers. Is clever ploy though.

Well spammers, this has been an enlightening and thought-provoking conversating, but unfortunately our time is up. Please continue to leave your insightful commentaries - and I knows you will, for nothing has stopped you yet, not even my "comment moderation on posts older than 10 days!" Seriously though, my filters is catching all of your commentaries and sending them directly to a special folder with your name on it, so you can rest assured that they will all be available for perusal at my leisure and for comedic purposes! It has been a pleasure. 

spammer diagram
I no understands what this means. But seriously, you knows it's true.
Pee S: A big thank you to Spam Name Generator, who helped me make totally false names for find the correct identities of my lovely spammers.


  1. Reuben, you are hilarious! We'd buy tickets to the utility bucket truck/tractor face-off. :-D

    Susan and Wrigs

  2. MOL MOL MOL!!! We enjoyed this post, Reuben. We also enjoyed the pic of you and your sock monkey. Happy Tuesday, handsome!

  3. Epic Reuben. I had my niece read your blog and she thought you are one special spam buster.


  4. Reuben, I always look forward to your analysis of spammers. You are a master!!

    Loveys Sasha

  5. Yes Reuben you are a pawsome Spam Buster. LOL, you crack us up!
    Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  6. great spam buster, spam is quite a pain

    urban hounds

  7. Enjoy your spam busting. We haven't had spam....just stuff that isn't spam in the spam folder. We're feeling left out.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  8. Nice work, Reuben!! You really put those spammers in their place and made us laugh, too.

    Your pal, Pip

  9. Reuben you FRIED those SPAMmers. You opened their Can and WHUPPED their
    @$$es fur SURE. Bravo Buddy. WE Love your SPAM JAMMIN Posts.

  10. Blo*dy spammers - there should be a button you can push to annihilate them all. At least you had a good laugh at their expense Reuben!
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

  11. Oh Reuben this must be funny cause Momz is down on the floor making funny noises and holding her sides with tears in her eyes...Your spammers are far more insightful than mine...Can you tell me how to attract such literate spammers please...BTW, according to spam name generator my spammer name is Inez Darling


Due to many, many spams, you now has to does a registration to make a commentary. Sorries, friends! I truly does love to hear from you all. Just not from spammers.