A fairy tale about Reuben, by me, Reuben.

Once upon a times there was a brave and handsome wiener dog named Reuben. One day when he was sleeping, his mama said to him "Reuben.... wannagoforawalk? goforawalk?" His humble and modest answer was a robust scampering across the floor, nails clicking at very high speeds. However, Reuben's mama had a forgetful and she no could find his leash. Or her camera. Reuben was too excited to not goforawalk, so Reuben's mama picked him up and they bravely journeyed to a magical and faraway place - the park across the street.

I is much bigger than this, by the ways

Once they had forded the wide and dangerous street, Reuben being carried like the important dog that he was, he was set free to roam off-leash in the park! The smells was dizzying, there was one here - and there - and another one over there - hold on, he needs to check that first spot again - and still another one there. And at all of these critical spots he nobly lifted his leg to define the boundaries of his kingdom.

this is a file photo.

Brave Reuben was sniffing his way through the park when suddenly he camed across a great field of bumpy obstacles. They was everywhere, coating the ground like dew! But they no was dew - they was brown and lumpy and there was eleventy million of them. Reuben forged ahead through the dangers, stepping on bumps and slip-sliding around. Finally he emerged from the great bumpy forest.....Mama, be quiets! I no knows what "acorns" is, but these certainly no was that.... now where was I..... oh yes. He emerged and then saw the item he has been questing after, the holy grails, if you will: a half-eated ham sandwich on the ground!

just like when I had ground sandwich at the cookout!

After one really good sniff he snapped the sandwich up into his fearsome jowls. It was delicious. suddenly his mama, who had turned into a dragon, swooped down and carried Reuben off! He bravely held the ham sandwich in his mouth for as long as he could, but it is a very difficult thing to does when you has almost no tooths, like magnificent Reuben. The dragon carried Reuben for 87 miles.... no Mama, it no was ten steps, it was 87 miles!.... before finally setting him down on the ground. Reuben was so dazed from the whole experience that he forgotted all about the ham sandwich and went to sniff something else. Then the dragon-Mama camed back, carried him back across the street and into his castle, where she feeded him bacons from a package in the food cabinet. Then he went back to sleep. Vigilant sleep.

zzzzz.... sandwich....zzzzz.....dragons....zzzzzz......acorns... no, not acorns.

The End.