my resume and cover letter

a photo of my personal Self

To: Dr. Julie Hersberger, program director, Reading Education Assistance Dogs (R.E.A.D.)

Re: Reading Therapy Dog position with R.E.A.D.

Cover letter typed by: my mama, because I has paws instead of fingers

Greetings Dr. Hersberger,

Please allow me to do an introducing of myself. I is Reuben, a smart and handsome dachshund of undetermined years who weighs a very respectable 12 pounds. I is writing in reference to the Reading Dog position I saw posted on the internets. I is highly interested in pursuing a career in the field of dog-reading, and I believe I has the credentials to be an excellent candidate for this very important and noble job.

Does you know that children who is learning to read with therapy dogs does 12% better than children who reads to cats (actual statistic may differ slightly with regards to cats)? Probably you does, since you is hiring reading dogs all of the time. I is very interested in learning the tricks of the trade – like placing a paw on the page for encouragements and licking a children when they is stuck on a word. Because dogs is such pleasant creatures, when children read to us they learns to develop positive feelings about the actual act of reading – something they may has previously been anxious about. According to the Library Journal, children who spend 20 minutes reading to dogs over the course of five or six sessions can raise their reading skills two levels!

I is a rescue (not a search-and-rescue) dog, and I has accomplished many brave and amazing things in my long and distinguished life. However, I no feels like telling you or anyone else what those things is. I was adopted from off of a street two years ago, and you can refer to my attached resume to learn more about all of my wonderful reading dog qualifications. According to Therapy Dogs International – the governing body responsible for R.E.A.D. certificationings, as you knows – therapy dogs is born, not made. They must be:

ü  Friendly and outgoing to peoples

ü  Tolerant of other dogs

ü  Non-aggressive towards other pets

This no could be describing my behaviors more. I is very courteous to peoples; always I issues a warning bark and/or growl before I tries to bite them. This demonstrates how biting is truly a last resort for me. My bite history will clearly show that I has done way more barking and growling than I has done actual biting. I is a problem-solver and a diplomat.

I displays amazing tolerance when it comes to other rude dogs invading my personal territories. Almost all of the time I let intruder dogs off with a mere series of warning barks, just as I does with peoples. Also you will find that my humping practices is very ethical – I limits those activities to inanimate objects, usually. And I swears to you I no knowed how old that girl puppy was. She told me she was 18 months old; how I was supposed to know that she was lying?

Moving on… Non-aggression towards other pets. I will tell you that I has the unfortunate circumstance of a cat living in my house. Often when I is barking and chasing this cat, I actually catches him. But I shows very clear restraint by doing nothing to him when I catch him. To be honest, I no knows exactly what I is supposed to do at that point. Does I bite him? I no wants a mouthful of fuzz, so I has a very strict and humane catch-and-release policy when it comes to other pets.

Now I would like to further demonstrate how I, Reuben, embodies even more of the ecksheptinal expeshial experenshial good qualities of a reading dog. Loyal? Absolutely – I is so loyal to my mama that I defends her honor at all times. I follow her everywhere, which sometimes results in me getting stepped on. It is a small price to pay for knowing that my mama is safe at all times. How I ensures her safeties, you ask? By barking ferociously at all other creatures who come near to her. Surely this kind of bravery will make me an excellent reading dog.

Hardworking? That is me in a nutshell. I works very hard at sleeping; also at guarding my toys from all kinds of peoples who is wanting to steal them. In the library, I would build on this knowledge of protection and bark viciously at anyone who comes too close to the books. I is a very helpful dog.

And lastly, I is a very good listener. When I is outside in the yard and Mama calls my name – Reuben – to come inside, I listens to her. However, I no always feels the need to act upon her words. When it is convenient for me, I saunters in when she calls for me. Usually it is convenient for me when she is offering treats.

Perhaps you is familiar with the popular children’s book Dewey: There’s a Cat in the Library! My very own people sister had read this book to me, and I must say, I was shocked at the lack of helpfulness showed by the cat. Always this cat was distracting the children from their work, and tackling the Christmas tree, and other kinds of annoying things that cats does. Frankly I believe the wrong animal has been chosen to live in bookstores and libraries. From now on all libraries should adopt a library dog, for we is superior creatures and also less likely to use circulating materials as scratching posts or litter boxes.

Provided there is treats afterwards, I is even willing to undergo extensive bathing to remove my danders and allergens before setting foot in the library. This should indicate my very high level of interest in and dedication to the R.E.A.D. program. Thank you for taking the time to read this extremely long cover letter. I has attached my resume for your review and I looks forward to meeting with you (I promise to growl and bark mildly upon this first meeting).

Sincerely,

Reuben, a dachshund

*********

Reuben’s Resume

Name: Reuben Stroble

Address: My house and my yard

Best method to contact me: call my name when holding a treat

Best time of day to contact me: whenever I no is sleeping; this is a very small window of time

_______________________________________________________________________

Education

Housetraining

Skills

ü  Peeing outside

ü  walking on a leash

ü  serving as a foot-warmer

ü  chasing cats

ü  eating

ü  sleeping

ü  chewing

Experience

200? – 2010: being a dog; doing general dog stuff

September, 2010: Adopted by my mama

Employment

The Kitchen

September 2010 – present

Position: floor cleaner and dish washer

Responsibilities: licking the floor and/or plates to ensure no foodstuffs is left on said surfaces.

Pay rate: foodstuffs from the floor and/or plates

Volunteer work

Listening to people sister read books out loud if I happen to be in the room and feel like paying attention. Kindergarten – 2^nd grade (current)

References

The Cat. You may not contact him.

My mama. You knows where to find her.

 _________________________________________________________