Sunday, October 21, 2012

my resume and cover letter

a photo of my personal Self


To: Dr. Julie Hersberger, program director, Reading Education Assistance Dogs (R.E.A.D.)
Re: Reading Therapy Dog position with R.E.A.D.
Cover letter typed by: my mama, because I has paws instead of fingers

Greetings Dr. Hersberger,

Please allow me to do an introducing of myself. I is Reuben, a smart and handsome dachshund of undetermined years who weighs a very respectable 12 pounds. I is writing in reference to the Reading Dog position I saw posted on the internets. I is highly interested in pursuing a career in the field of dog-reading, and I believe I has the credentials to be an excellent candidate for this very important and noble job.

Does you know that children who is learning to read with therapy dogs does 12% better than children who reads to cats (actual statistic may differ slightly with regards to cats)? Probably you does, since you is hiring reading dogs all of the time. I is very interested in learning the tricks of the trade – like placing a paw on the page for encouragements and licking a children when they is stuck on a word. Because dogs is such pleasant creatures, when children read to us they learns to develop positive feelings about the actual act of reading – something they may has previously been anxious about. According to the Library Journal, children who spend 20 minutes reading to dogs over the course of five or six sessions can raise their reading skills two levels!

I is a rescue (not a search-and-rescue) dog, and I has accomplished many brave and amazing things in my long and distinguished life. However, I no feels like telling you or anyone else what those things is. I was adopted from off of a street two years ago, and you can refer to my attached resume to learn more about all of my wonderful reading dog qualifications. According to Therapy Dogs International – the governing body responsible for R.E.A.D. certificationings, as you knows – therapy dogs is born, not made. They must be:

ü  Friendly and outgoing to peoples
ü  Tolerant of other dogs
ü  Non-aggressive towards other pets

This no could be describing my behaviors more. I is very courteous to peoples; always I issues a warning bark and/or growl before I tries to bite them. This demonstrates how biting is truly a last resort for me. My bite history will clearly show that I has done way more barking and growling than I has done actual biting. I is a problem-solver and a diplomat.

I displays amazing tolerance when it comes to other rude dogs invading my personal territories. Almost all of the time I let intruder dogs off with a mere series of warning barks, just as I does with peoples. Also you will find that my humping practices is very ethical – I limits those activities to inanimate objects, usually. And I swears to you I no knowed how old that girl puppy was. She told me she was 18 months old; how I was supposed to know that she was lying?

Moving on… Non-aggression towards other pets. I will tell you that I has the unfortunate circumstance of a cat living in my house. Often when I is barking and chasing this cat, I actually catches him. But I shows very clear restraint by doing nothing to him when I catch him. To be honest, I no knows exactly what I is supposed to do at that point. Does I bite him? I no wants a mouthful of fuzz, so I has a very strict and humane catch-and-release policy when it comes to other pets.

Now I would like to further demonstrate how I, Reuben, embodies even more of the ecksheptinal expeshial experenshial good qualities of a reading dog. Loyal? Absolutely – I is so loyal to my mama that I defends her honor at all times. I follow her everywhere, which sometimes results in me getting stepped on. It is a small price to pay for knowing that my mama is safe at all times. How I ensures her safeties, you ask? By barking ferociously at all other creatures who come near to her. Surely this kind of bravery will make me an excellent reading dog.

Hardworking? That is me in a nutshell. I works very hard at sleeping; also at guarding my toys from all kinds of peoples who is wanting to steal them. In the library, I would build on this knowledge of protection and bark viciously at anyone who comes too close to the books. I is a very helpful dog.

And lastly, I is a very good listener. When I is outside in the yard and Mama calls my name – Reuben – to come inside, I listens to her. However, I no always feels the need to act upon her words. When it is convenient for me, I saunters in when she calls for me. Usually it is convenient for me when she is offering treats.

Perhaps you is familiar with the popular children’s book Dewey: There’s a Cat in the Library! My very own people sister had read this book to me, and I must say, I was shocked at the lack of helpfulness showed by the cat. Always this cat was distracting the children from their work, and tackling the Christmas tree, and other kinds of annoying things that cats does. Frankly I believe the wrong animal has been chosen to live in bookstores and libraries. From now on all libraries should adopt a library dog, for we is superior creatures and also less likely to use circulating materials as scratching posts or litter boxes.

Provided there is treats afterwards, I is even willing to undergo extensive bathing to remove my danders and allergens before setting foot in the library. This should indicate my very high level of interest in and dedication to the R.E.A.D. program. Thank you for taking the time to read this extremely long cover letter. I has attached my resume for your review and I looks forward to meeting with you (I promise to growl and bark mildly upon this first meeting).

Sincerely,

Reuben, a dachshund


*********



Reuben’s Resume

Name: Reuben Stroble
Address: My house and my yard
Best method to contact me: call my name when holding a treat
Best time of day to contact me: whenever I no is sleeping; this is a very small window of time

_______________________________________________________________________

Education
Housetraining

Skills
ü  Peeing outside
ü  walking on a leash
ü  serving as a foot-warmer
ü  chasing cats
ü  eating
ü  sleeping
ü  chewing

Experience
200? – 2010: being a dog; doing general dog stuff
September, 2010: Adopted by my mama

Employment
The Kitchen
September 2010 – present
Position: floor cleaner and dish washer
Responsibilities: licking the floor and/or plates to ensure no foodstuffs is left on said surfaces.
Pay rate: foodstuffs from the floor and/or plates

Volunteer work
Listening to people sister read books out loud if I happen to be in the room and feel like paying attention. Kindergarten – 2nd grade (current)

References
The Cat. You may not contact him.
My mama. You knows where to find her.


 _________________________________________________________




19 comments:

  1. Now that is one impressive résumé!
    Benny & Lily

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a fun read! ;)

    Misty the long haired miniature dachshund and her mom Tanya

    ReplyDelete
  3. We think you're a shoe-in, Reuben!

    ReplyDelete
  4. That is a very professional cover letter and resume! They would be silly not to hire you!

    Poppy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Reuben! First time visitor here. That is quite an impressive cover letter and resume. You sound like quite an impressive dachsund! Love your writing style!

    Ann

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow! that was a very extensive letter and resume. We're sure you'll get the position........unless they contact the cat.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, I don't know who wouldn't hire you after reading that amazing cover letter and resume! Fantastic work Reuben!! Congratulations on the soon-to-be position!!! :-D

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow you will walk it with that letter. Hey Reuben we await the reply with baited breath. Have a lovely Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, Reuben, you might even be overqualified for that job! Good luck on your employment endeavor.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh Reuben, thanks for that laugh :D
    You are indeed very courteous, I am too, warning for bitings is very important, is they not? Id hire you for sure!
    Cotton

    ReplyDelete
  11. With a resume like that, how can they say no! Have a great day, Hailey and Zaphod

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well now Rueben if you DON'T get the job there is somethingy very much wrong with the hiring practice. THAT is an AMAZING Resume and Cover letter. Heck you could even be KING with all that you have done and do.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't know how you can;t get the job! Trues trues about the best time to call you!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. We wants to hire you Reuben! How many treats a week will it cost us? Your resume was very impressive.

    Hugs,
    Lily Belle & Muffin

    ReplyDelete
  15. Reuben ... if you don't get that job would you please come and read with my little girls and ME too? I have a fresh box of Zukes with your name on it. :)

    XoXo's
    Sarah & le Weens
    http://doxiejibberish.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear Reuben,

    Are you going to be a Reading Dog? Because that would be pawsome! My person wanted me to do something like this, or else the thing called "pet therapy dog", but people who walk funny or who are young like children make me do Big Barks. And sometimes Big Growls too. (This is because I am Rescue Dog. It is not my fault that I am nervous sometimes, I just can't help it.)

    So we did some Search and Rescue Dog training instead. I think this is much better, even though I will never be certified. I can still find my littlest person when she is hiding in the forest!

    I think you would be a very good Reading Dog. Good luck with your job application!

    Licks,
    Cobi

    ReplyDelete
  17. Impressive job, but why did you leave out "burrowing" from your list of skills? :)

    ReplyDelete

Due to many, many spams, you now has to does a registration to make a commentary. Sorries, friends! I truly does love to hear from you all. Just not from spammers.