Hungry Birds? Not on my watch!

If you happens to follow me, Reuben, on Face Books, you may already know of the brave and fearsome act I has performed the other day. What it was, you asks?

Actually, it no was this at all.

Howevers, the monster chickens from the farm has sent a new terror into my house and I was forced to kill it. One so shockingly terrifying that you may need to put the puppies to bed before viewings. Beyond terrifying actually. It is THIS:

Don't try to pretend like you no is scared.

Friends, you may remember the Angry Birds problem I has above my back door. In case you has forgotten, it looks like this on the outside:

GROSS

And this is the look of it on the inside:

Actual birds may differ

They has been squawking up a storm all through the day, and since they is in my wall, I hears every single squawk during my vigilant nappings. But I no can figure out how one of thems got into my closet, which is not even a little bit near their nest of horror.

I was hanging out, sniffing around for some foodstuff crumbs on the floor, when I smelled something very very wrong. It smelled like feathers. And bird poop. So I tracked it into the closet, and after probably hours and hours of barkings, or maybe even minutes, I caught the Hungry Bird, killed it, and brought it proudly into the Crate for chewings.

***********photo removed due to unpleasants***********

Mama said "oh Reuben, what you has caughted, you brave and smart dachshund? It is a mouse?" And I proudly showed her that it no was, and then she started with the screamings, and she sounded annoying like the Hungry Birds, and then she pushed the Crate with me in it all the way outside and rudely dumped me and my prey out on the ground. 

Why she no cares when I kills this squeaky octopus too?

Friends, what kind of way this is to treat a hero like me, Reuben? Fearless protectors such as myself no gets the respect we really deserve. And by respect, I mean treats. But later Mama gived me a treat, and now that is all I can remember.... Birds?.... What? What you is talking about? I is thinking of bacons and biscuits, actually, now I goes into the kitchen to see if there is any for me. Oh man I love treats!