A invasion of Reuben's home and attack on his chewies, plus some newses

This past week's adventuring involved me, my chewies, and a foster dog named Charlie.

This is the Charlie that I referred to earlier.

Notice how I is situated higher on the couch than he is. This is because I is top super mega alpha dog, and Charlie is annoying bed-pooping stuff-destroying not-alpha dog. Does you see my yellow squishy peanut here? Probably you no can even tells that it is a peanut on account of how Charlie chewied it to pieces! Here is some more of his handiworks. Or should I say, mouthyworks:

Not only was peanut defiled, but octopus as well.

Does you sees this?! It is my new humpy bed with holes chewed all up in it!

This was octopus B.C. (Before Charlie)

This was peanut B.C. Put it down people sister, it is MINE.

This was octopus and peanut, A.C. (After Charlie):

nooooooooooooo

I is pleased to report that Charlie has caughted the mid-Atlantic wiener dog express and is now nice and comfy in his foster home with Furever Dachshund Rescue. He made a great exciting for the week, even though he pooped in some various beds and ran out the door on Mama's first day of work and she felled over trying to catch him and scraped her knee and went to first day of new job with bloody knee. And even though I is a very busy dog, perhaps I can make time in the futures for some short-term fosterings who I can boss around and show that I is alpha dog extreme. 

This brings me directly to my next point, and it is thusly: Mama has gotted new job at the public library! She is now library assistant, which she will does while she works on her master's degree. Also this means that between her works there, and the stuffs we does for Almost Home Dachshund Rescue, and her classes, and also time for ME (and people sister and Daddy), and hitting the gym (yeah right Mama, this is totally happening), she has very little time for me to sit in her lap while I types up my dogblog. And as we all knows, it is difficult for me to reach the numbers and letters on my internet-enabled typewriter unless I is sitting in her lap. 

So what all of this means? Well, it means I no will be around Blogville as much as I would like to bes. I tries to catch up on my friends' adventurings whenever I can, but there is so many of you and you is such prolific cat and dogbloggers, that always I is falling short of doing visitings of everyone I wants to see. And for this I has sorries, but there no is much I can does about it now. Also I would like to point out that my chewing and napping schedule has gotten way out of hand, not to mention my peeings. Oh, the peeings! So many peeings.

This is an example of how tired all of this makes me. I is a senior dog, after alls.

Love from me,

Reuben

I gets a visiting from White Fuzzy next door

Friends, a great travesty has occurred this evening. Apparently the thunder boomers in the distance has given the White Fuzzy next door a frightened, for he has hopped over the wall and come into my yard, probably for disrespectings.

Is you doing poopings in my yard? IS YOU?!?

Next door they gots about eleventy hundred dogs. Mama says it is five, but she is wrong, for they does enough barkings for eleventy thousand.  But they is good backup for my intruder patrol, and they holds down the fort at night when I is doing sleepings in the big bed. Vigilant sleepings. This is the first time, that I knows of, that White Fuzzy has jumped over the wall. He is still a puppy, so I guess he finally gotted his big boy legs.

It is nice to finally meets you in person, White Fuzzy.

It turned out that White Fuzzy is a very polite kind of dog, who let me sniff him, and no even did one barking while he was on my properties.

Please hold still; I no can gets a good sniff when you is moving.

 He read some of my pee-mail, which I appreciates, and no even left any pee-mails of his own in my yard. Maybe he is a girl kind of dog....

Let me double checks that undercarriage smell again.

He and/or she tried to play with me, and I no even hated it!

You has freakishly long legs, but I has a tongue!

I think I no will minds it if he/she comes over for occasional visitings.

We does make a pretty fearsome team, I must admits.

  Then it was time for White Fuzzy to go home.

Goodbye White Fuzzy, thank you for visitings!

Hehehe, White Fuzzy no left on his/her own - Mama gaved Daddy some treats and he waved them right in front of my nose and hers! Or his. Whatever.

Daddy, if you has treats I follows you anywhere!

Then, because there is some big kind of steppings that my correct-sized legs no can climb down, White Fuzzy followed Daddy back to his and/or her house, and I was lefted all alone.

Excuse me, I believe there was a promise of treats..... WHERE IS THEY?!

But then Mama said "Reuben, wannatreat? wannatreat?" And I responded by doing the fastest run I knows how to does. It is very fast!

*treats treats treats treats treats treats*

White Fuzzy went home and I gotted a sausage, so I gots to say, my life is pretty good.

Please no forgets that you can vote every 24 hours for me, Reuben, in the 2012 Petties awards. I has a great proud for my nomination for Funniest Blog or Blogger of the year!

Important news update on rude animals who think they lives in my house

Friends, we gots a lot of important things going on in the local news here. I does my best as a journalist to provide a unbiased interpretation of the events taking place in the backyard.

My top story this morning is "angry birds." I no knows why humans want a game for this, since I has my very own game of angry birds in the backyard and trust me, I wish I could uninstall this freeloader birdhouse. Here I has tooked a screenshot:

Yes friends and other newswatchers, these birds has set up nest in the wall right above my back door. They was here last year, and here they unfortunately is again. When it was just the mama bird, she no really was angry, just very very messy. Now that she has borned her chicks, all I hear all day long is screeching from those little hungry angry birds! They gots a lot of nerve to move into MY house without asking my permissions. They is crafty too, for they has chosen a place so high that neither Hatfield the orange kitty or I can get in there to eat them. The squawking is interrupting my vigilant sleeping, which is, of course, one of the most important things I does.

See how I is awake here? I should be asleep. Vigilantly asleep.

In other news, basement cat has been spotted in my basement, and in fact I spots (and smells) him on a daily basis. We gots all these fat kitties in the neighborhood who has very nice and warm homes. Instead of hanging out in them, they hangs out in my basement.

Daddy, you could end this torture by fixing the basement door.

In this picture you sees me monitoring their activity from the outside of the house, but every time I tries to sneak in there, I is stopped by the treacherous large pile of Daddy Junk. Also, Mama tends to pick me up and carry me back inside when I gets in an exploratory kind of mood. So these stinky cats is up to no good underneath my very foots, and all I can does is bark at them through various vents on the indoors and outdoors of my house.

It is a grave burden to has the correct-sized dachshund legs that I has. Some dogs with freakishly long legs might be able to jump up and eat those birds, or leap over the Daddy Junk. It is the price we dachshunds pay for being so adorable. Truly, my work no is ever done. This is me, Reuben, signing off for the mornings.

Finally I reviews another book

  

Magic Tree House Fact Tracker #24: Dog Heroes

Every morning this week my human sister Leah has woked up early before school to do research. It no is even for school; she just loves to do research! She uses this very fascinating book to learn about Dog Heroes (like me!), and she takes notes on the most interesting parts. It has mountain rescue dogs, detective dogs, and even a brave dachshund (like me!) who helped rescue people on September 11. 

I suppose it is true that this book is on the first grade reading level, but also it is a fine piece of non-fiction, carefully researched and presenting with alluring illustrations, especially of the brave dachshund (has I ever mentioned that I is also a brave dachshund?). I recommends it to you all!

I defend my territory from felines and octopi

Many interesting adventures has been happening recently. So I has decided to squish them together into a photo essay. I calls it: "Reuben's photo essay." That way you will know it is MINE!!!

Kitty, you seem to has forgotten this is MY yard.

Just sniffing to make sure Gretchen no is a spy.

My tongue is still amazing!

What? No, I would never sleep in a box of new clothes!

Ok,  maybe I did. What do you mean my dog bed is right there?

I attacks this octopus with brave ferocities!

I is very proud of my fearsome tooths. All 9 of them.

 What adventures I will has next? You'll have to come back and see for yourself. I is still working on my "Small Dog's Guide to Braveries," for all the small dogs out there who no is as big and brave as me. Probably I has a new title now: Professor Reuben. I teaches all the basics of self-defense and bark-driven offense. Coming soon!