Mama comes home and I surprises her.... unfortunately.

I almost no even can believe it - Mama camed BACK!

Stinky Monkey and me is almost too excited even to blog about it. 

Friends, I was beginning to has a worry that she would NEVER come back, after she and people sister left me alone for a WHOLE WEEK with DADDY and HATFIELD.

The horribly traumatic experience of No Mama ended like this tonight:

Mama: "Reuben, we're home!"

Reuben: "Wha.... so.... sleepy.... no can open eyes.... wait OMD it is MAMA!"

Then she scooped me up and taked me to the couch and she and people sister gaved me lots of rubs and lovins.

Oh, yeeaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Mama: "Reuben, you smell even stinkier than usual."

People sister: "Oh, I know what that smell is. It's cow manure."

Mama: .....

And then the next thing I knowed, I was in BATH getting rubbed with Hawaiian shampoos and conditioners!  All of my formidible stink went away. And does you know what else went away! Some FLEAS. Yes, when Mama gotted home I was scented with manure (from the farm) and sprinkled with fleas (probably also from farm). AND.... my bowl was full of the kind of foodstuffs that I HATES. I bet you thoughted that I no hated any foodstuffs! That should tell you how terrible this particular kind of kibble foodstuff is.

Mama says that Daddy has to sleep in doghouse tonight. What's that, Mama? He no actually has to sleep there? Is a "metafoor?" I no knows what that means. All I knows is that Daddy better close the barn door before the piggy escapes. And speaking of piggies.... Mama owes me a whole piggy on account of her leaving me for eleventy thousand years. She says she is working on it. We shall see, shan't we Mama?

At least I has one thingy to console me, and it is the lovely review of my book that Frankie and Ernie posted on their dogblog. Guys, it is like I always says: if I can make just one creature laugh in a day, then my day has been a success. Of course, there is many wisdoms in said book too, wisdoms that I is so happy to has shared with my buddies F & E. Tonight I will dream about frolicking with thems, and deading moles or something, just so I can forget the horrors of my BATH and TERRIBLE FOODSTUFFS and FLEAS and COW POOP.

Another installment of Book Reviews Written by a Wiener Dog

It is time again for another Book Review Written by a Wiener Dog.

This is the book I read!

You may has a remembering for another time when I sawed this book (at the 2012 North Carolina Wiener Roast):

Mama and Leah was browsing through the childrens' books about dogs (and unfortunately catses) at the public library, and they was very pleased to find a copy of Gretchen the Bicycle Dog. At first I no was pleased with the selection, for some of you may has a knowing for my feelings towards Gretchen, the freakishly long legged doxador.

Look how she sucks up to my people sister!

Even Gretchen and Gretchen is the same color of dog. Truly it is uncanny. Except for one big difference: Gretchen (of the book) has a wheelchair, and my Gretchen no has one. But you knows what? Not having the use of her back legs no stopped book-Gretchen from doing many fun and brave adventurings. There is pictures of her in the snow and the fall leaves, on the boardwalk at the beach, posing with many childrens, and even taking a swim!

This is the closest I ever comes to swimming.

Book-Gretchen hurted her back when she was playing with - and here you no will believe this - an ORANGE KITTY.

This is my Hatfield sniffing my Gretchen.

It really makes a dog think how if one thing in their lives had been just a little bit different - like if I was trying to kill playing with Hatfield and I hurted my back - I could be in a wheelchair too. After book-Gretchen had surgeries and her back no improved, she had to drag herself around using her front legs. And she got pretty good at it too! But then her peoples gotted her a wheelchair, and from then there no was any stoppings of  this adventurous dog.

Does you think if I had wheels I could get down there? I thinks so!

My people sister really enjoyed this book, as me and Mama both did too. She read it to me all by herself last night in bed. Gretchen the Bicycle Dog is a story of many heartwarmings. I thinks that dogs, and peoples too, who has lost their mobilities has a big appreciation for the fun adventures that might be around any corner. For they knows that even though they has to work a little harder at it, things could has been much worse for them, so they does countings of their blessings and just enjoys life and has happies. I think we all can has many learnings from book-Gretchen.

The End.

This has been another Book Review Written by a Wiener Dog.

Finally I reviews another book

  

Magic Tree House Fact Tracker #24: Dog Heroes

Every morning this week my human sister Leah has woked up early before school to do research. It no is even for school; she just loves to do research! She uses this very fascinating book to learn about Dog Heroes (like me!), and she takes notes on the most interesting parts. It has mountain rescue dogs, detective dogs, and even a brave dachshund (like me!) who helped rescue people on September 11. 

I suppose it is true that this book is on the first grade reading level, but also it is a fine piece of non-fiction, carefully researched and presenting with alluring illustrations, especially of the brave dachshund (has I ever mentioned that I is also a brave dachshund?). I recommends it to you all!

Also I is a book reviewer

You may has noticed that I has been curiously silent over the last few days, including Halloweens. Part of the reason is that I was very unceremoniously left out of the trick-and-treating. Everyone went to a place that was crowded with hundreds of people, maybe even dozens. Mama said I would go insane from barking. This maybe is true, but since Leah dressed up as Dorothy, I no has an understand why she did not take me as Toto. I even dressed up as the Tin Man the other day, and still I got no treats-and-tricks.

I is a very intelligent dog, as I'm sure you has noticed. Another reason I has not been around the last few days is because Mama is reading a new book, and she has read some of it to me. It is the first book I has ever read written by a dog, and I is very much impressed with the volume of his works. One day I hopes to write a book too, and maybe mine will sell more copies even than his. 

This dog thinks very deep, like me.

There is more informations about the book here. One part I will tell is that the dog has a reincarnation. He has remembers from his past life! This has got me to thinking. I is not a spring chicken kind of dog, and if I has had reincarnations, it was many many years ago, or even days. I has been probing back into the deep recesses of my large mind. It is all very interesting. 

While this dog (he has different names in the book) does have the right kind of dog attitude, about being amazing and extremely important (like me), my only criticism is that he no speaks the dog language quite correctly. I'm sure he is working on improvements for his next book, which I will be making sure that Mama buys for me. I loves this book so much that when she is finished reading it, I no will even chew it up. That is how much I loves this book.

I also has some more dog books to review. I is very intellectual and a spectacular writer myself, so it is only fair that I share all my knowledges with the rest of the world. So check back to my dogblog for more of thems. 

Now it is time for my walk. Mama is trying something new today - I gets my very own neighborhood walk, all by myself! Gretchen likes to go very fast and hardly pees on anything, so I is always being rushed along. It makes my job a million times harder, let me tell you. When I get back, Mama will walk Gretchen to the dog park. I no is jealous of that - I no wants to scare all the dogs there with my frightful barks and fearsome tooths. Really, I is a very kind-hearted dog. Also my legs are not freakishly long, like Gretchen's are, and so I is having a tired feeling before we even gets there. I is feeling like I will have some really good sniffs today. Everyone has put out their green bins and brown rolling carts for me, and so this is always my favorite day for a walk.