the beautiful story of the love between a Dog and his Chewy

Some male dogs is falling in love with female dogs, I has noticed. However, this is something I no has an interest in for two reasons: 1) The vet has stoled my nuggets and B) my two Humpy Beds (both Red and Blue) is more than enough for my manly pursuits. It takes a lot of work to keep them happy, let me tells you.

What's that, Blue? No, I no has a red Humpy bed upstairs, what is you talking about?

No friends, the love I feel is pretty much all reserved for my mama and my chewies. So please do an allowing of me to present the beautiful story of the love between a dog and his chewy.

Once upon a time there was a brave and handsome wiener dog named Reuben. He loved chewing almost as much as he loved eating. One day he was chewing so hard that he felled asleep with his chewy in his mouth.

Bacon....zzzzzzz.....chewy......zzzzzz.......

Then his Mama very rudely woked him up with a flashy box.

I hope you has a good reason for this, Mama. Like bacons.

She no had a good reason, she was just being rude.

You is getting a little close to Chewy, Mama, and it is MINE.

 Reuben hugged his chewy to his stout and manly chest.

It's you and me against the world, Chewy.

He knowed that as long as Chewy was by his side, there was nothing he no could accomplish.

Except for getting my tongue back in my mouth.

Until the brave and handsome wiener dog felled asleep once again and his Mama took his chewy away. Something about how it was making him "psychotic" and "unbearable to live with."

zzzzz.....Daddy..... stealing chewy......must bite him..... zzzzzz....

The End.

A fairy tale by me, Reuben, a brave and handsome wiener dog.

BREAKING NEWSES: I is going to live!

I ated some chicken broth! And cream cheese! I peed outside and I found my blue chewy. I growled at Mama when she gotted too close to my treat! Mama had a great worry for me - she says she will never does anesthesias of me again. Not even for my tooths! I no eated for almost THREE DAYS. Surely I will look back on this one day and do laughings. Not yet though. It is too soon. I is going to live!!!

Update on my surgicals

Well friends, I gots both good newses and bad newses about the dental surgicals I had on Thursday. Here the good newses is: I gotted to keep all nine of my glorious tooths, and losted not even a single one.

This is me, trying to make a breaking for it.

But instead the nurse gotted me, as you can see.

So Snaggletooth and all of the others is safe. The doctor putted some stuff on my fistulas to close them up too. However, I no has been able to enjoy my nice clean tooths, for I is so very sick from the sleepy medicines they gaved me.

When I first camed home I paced back and forth and whined to alert Mama to the fact that I was about to start some pukings. But it no worked, and so I did many, many pukings all over her bed. Then I throwed up a hairball the size of a tennis ball. It was the biggest hairball Mama ever sawed in her life! She called the vet and they said it was a head-scratcher. Mama scratched her head too, until she discovered all the brown fuzzy fluff from blue Humpy Bed that was strewn all about the floor. Before my surgicals I ated a ton of Humpy Bed stuffing, I has now been busted for that.

That night (Thursday) I no wanted to chase the kitty, chew my chewy, pee on things or has a treat. In fact, I no wanted to eat at all, which is very unlike my stoutly robust self. Mama had a great worry, especially when I no would eat the next morning, and she took me back to Vet for a shot to fix my stomach.

I is all out of floppy tongue joy.

Now it is Saturday morning, and still I no has eated a single thing since Wednesday night. I no has been moving much either. Mama uses blue Humpy Bed (who is now pretty well de-stuffed) to make me more portable; she carries me outside to pee and into the kitchen so I can drinks some waters. I no seems to be in pain to her, but I looks like I is in a different world. A floaty, anistheesius kind of world. I is on my back with my foots in the air and my tongue flopping out.

Vet gave Mama a few medicines to start me on today, but she no can does that until I decides I want to eat something. Now if you will do excusings of me, I is going back to my sleepy medicine world....zzzzzzz.....

Reuben's Sunday Morning Newses Show

Good mornings and welcome to our Sunday morning edition of "Reuben's Week Ahead." Last week had uneventfuls, so now we turns our attentions to the next seven days. With me this morning is my highly annoying Cat Weather Reporter, Hatfield. How it looks out there, Hatfield?

"Well Reuben, the grass is still wet, so small and unmanly dogs like you should pee on the back porch yet again. How many days in a row is that now, Reuben?"

"That is none of your businesses, Stinky Cat. How the traffic is out there?"

"There's been an early morning rush of Nocturnals returning home for a good day's sleep. A person walking by caused quite a stir by the stupid dogs in the vicinity, and the Dog Alarm for "omfg a person is walking by" reverberated throughout the neighborhood, causing an early-morning backup on the Cat Expressway, also known as the runoff drainpipe that goes under the road."

"Thank you for those uninteresting and factually inaccurate reportings, Hatfield. Now we turns our attention to a big developing story: my dentals. Tomorrow I will be unceremoniously dropped off at Vet and given sleepy medicines. Right now it's anyone's guess as to how many tooths Vet will steal. Also of note will be the sewing up of the fistulas on my gums. Monday's shaping up to be a horrible day."

"Sorry to hear that Reuben; should I get out my violin and play a sad little song for you?"

"Your feed is supposed to be turned off, Hatfield. Does I has to fire more producers this week? I hopes not. Speaking of Hatfield, I will be laughing all week and for the rest of infinities at the way Mama now has to shove a pill down his throat twice a day. Vet said his thyroid level was through the roofs and he gots to take medicines every day. I think his Annoying Level is the real problem here, howevers."

"Reuben, you know Mama's been putting pre-surgery antibiotics in your food, right? You are also eating pills twice a day."

"Producers, you is now all fired. Now we turns our attentions to Wednesday, a big day here in my house. At last the long summer has come to an end and people sister Leah will be returning to schools. We expect to see a sharp dropoff in games of Let's Dress Up the Dachshund. Also expected is a steep rise in car ride rates, with increased opportunities for barkings in the school pickup line. In other news, today marks the last day of the Blogville Olympicals. We all has a sadness that the glorious events is coming to an end. However, reports from the scene indicate that the athletes is looking forward to a much-needed reprieve from the Flashy Beast. For some on-the-scenes commentary of the closing ceremonies, we turns to me, Reuben:

"Wow, I is so overcome with emotionals, I no even knows what to say! All of the athletes and hosts worked tirelessly, training for centuries and even weeks to bring us the finest series of events I ever has seen. I is so impressed by how the dogs and catses worked together and never has I had more fun than doing chasings of all those catses. I no can wait for 2014!"

"Tune in tomorrow for the latest newses regarding my tooths. I is hoping to keep Snaggletooth, the best tooth ever, but I no has an optimistic for that. If you will do excusings of me, there is a Stinky Cat named Hatfield I needs to go chase. This is Reuben, signing off for the day."

zzzzzzzz.....

A Public Service Announcing and a floppy tongue lady dog

Last Wednesday I posted some photos of my cousin Tater Tot. We no looks very much alike, for I is a dog and she is unfortunately a catses. Today I introduces you to my floppy tongue cousin Winnie.

What does you mean we looks nothing alike? We is obviously twin cousins.

Perhaps I has taken some liberties with the definition of "cousin." Cousins can be based soley on specific characteristics, like a tongue. So yes, that is the correct definition. Anyway, Winnie is a hospice dog at Wisconsin Chihuahua Rescue who has many beloveds. She is thirteen years old (maybe I is that old too, I no knows), and she gots some medical problems, most obviously how she has losted all of her tooths (I still gots nine left). All the volunteers loves this pretty lady, and I loves her too. Her tongue flops bravely to the side - just like mine!

This is a file photo from Christmas, my tongue looks great!

All I is here to say is that while floppy tongue beauties like me and Winnie is the adorablest thing ever, we has our floppy tongues because we no gotted good dental care in our youths. If you is a breed of dog who is prone to tooths problems, like one of those listed belows, please go get your dentals taken care of! If you is currently the President of the United States, please you can write "universal dog dental health coverage" into whatever bill you is about to sign?

• Toy Poodle
• Yorkshire Terrier
• Maltese
• Pomeranian
• Shetland Sheepdog
• Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
• Papillion
• Standard Poodle
• Dachshund
• Havanese

(source)

and just for good measures:

This has been a Rare Public Announcing from me, Reuben.

PeeS. This year's Blogville Olympicals has truly been the most awe-inspiring yet. This is because it is my first year, and I has a great awe for the many talented and brave contestants! 

PeePeeS. Mama says my dental surgeries is scheduled for next week. In some unrelated newses, I will be hiding from her all of next week. 

Reuben reviews the organic Treats Factory (which is right next door to Vet)

Is we there yet? Is we there yet? Is we there yet?

When my mama promised me a trip to Treats Factory - the Organic one, no less - I had a great expectation for the outcomings. I was heartened when we first pulled up, for tuna is a very delicious thing to eat. 

Usually Tuna is for kitties.

I thought this might be the entrance, but we was actually headed to a nearby building. I was expecting something better than boring kitty tuna, so eagerly I entered the paradoxically-near-to-Vet Treat Factory. The first thing that greeted me was this:

Security, please remove these fuzzy things!

I had a big unimpressed with my first impression, to say the least. I continued on past the kitties, where I then saw this:

Hmm, I thoughted the treats would be less canned.

They had dry ones too.

Once again, this has unimpressives.

Where all the free samples is, I asked myself? I no even could find a single one! The only other foodstuff-resembling kind of thing I could find was this:

Oh Dog, please help us all.

Lean Treats? LEAN TREATS?! What the french toast is this? And no free samples? Probably because they is gross and no one wants them and they has KITTIES on the package!

Ok, I has to move on to another subject, for I has too many strong opinions about this. What I expected next was to be shown to a table where I could observe the intricacies of the factories and also nom on some seasonal delicacies. Oh how I was wrong.

This place gets a D- for atmospheres. 

This table is too freakishly tall for me! What kind of a Treats Factory is this anyway?! At this point I had skepticals and it appears in the following photo that I was hiding under people sister's chair. I no was! I was bravely sniffing the door, gathering informations to help me write my review!

The minamilist decor is so 1993.

The next thing I knowed, some horrible things was happening. Some peoples in pastel-colored clothes camed in. They stoled my nails and my bloods. And they tried to look at my tooths by putting horrible sticks in my mouth, which I absolutely refused to cooperate with. At this point I began to think that this was in fact the worst Treats Factory in the entire world.

These was my beautiful nails before the nail-stealing incident. 

As soon as I could I hightailed it out of there and got to the relative safety of Car.

These is the secret tooths that I was referring to earlier, which I no has a problem showing in Car.

With the unpleasant Treats Factory in the distance, my spirits began to perk up a bit.

Thank Dog I is done with this factory tour!

 As we droved away I even saw this:

Camp Bow Wow? Why you no tooked me there instead, Mama?

Overall I give this organic Treats Factory 1 star. The complete lack of treats, and lack of factories too, really detracted from the overall experience.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

The only good part was when these catses was afraid of me. I is a very fearsome dog! That is why this Treats Factory no gets an F.

Handsome picture of me.

In more unrelated newses, Mama says that you can see, from the above photo, how my mouth has problems. Snaggletooth is coming very far out from my gums and Mama says soon it may has to have extractions. I love Snaggletooth and I hopes to never ever let him go. He is very helpful in holding my jaw structure together. Mama says I has a fistula under the part of my beautiful nose that is dark and wet. And she thinks my tooths pain is causing me to be very rude to Daddy and doing bitings of him, and being even more overprotective of my Chewies. There even was a night or twos where I no would even eat dinners, and we all knows what a close thing to my heart dinners is. However, I hates going to Vet, so I is glad Mama has instead taken me to the Treats Factory, even if it was the worst Treats Factory Ever.

The End.

PeeS. I gotted some sausagey treats when I camed home, and they was way better than anything at that uninteresting factory!

I marks this place off the "must see" list.

Last day of the votings for the 2012 Petties

Friends, today is the last day of the votings in the 2012 Petties Awards. Perhaps I has mentioned that I, Reuben, has nominations for Funniest Blog or Blogger of the Year? I is a very modest kind of dog, so likely I no has. If you would like to support me, Reuben, on this very last day of votings, please do a clicking of the button below:

This is the button I was referring to earlier.

They no will announce the winners until September 7, which is about eleventy years away in Reuben years. So probably I will just go back to vigilant napping until Mama wakes me up for the award show. Seriously, they is having a awards show! Friends, I is up against 3 catses for the coveted title, and we all knows how I feels about catses. But in realities, those catses is much more established in their bloggings than me, Reuben, who only has done bloggings for less than one year. Which is like eleventy-hundred Reuben years, by the way. So I no is expecting a big win (although if I no was such a humble dog, I would say how much I totally deserves it and the judges should just give it to me based on my high level of adorableness). All jokings aside, I bears no ill wills to those catses and I has a great happy just for the nominations.

In other newses, I has been very growly and bitey in recent moments, Mama has a suspicious that my nine glorious tooths is hurting again and it maybe is time for more extractions. In an unrelated news story, Mama will take me to the organic Treats Factory on Thursday! She says it is very close to vet's office, but to no has a worry, for even though it might appear that we is going to vet, it no is true. Hatfield the orange kitty does has to go to vet though, for his thyroid test. Mama tolded him that they is going to the Fish Market; seriously how dumb is that kitty, hehehehehehehe!

*Smartness is overrated anyway*

I no has written much about it yet, but I has been on the edge of my seats watching the amazing competings of the Blogville Olympicals. I has appeared in a few events myself and I has a great appreciation for Mayor Frankie and all the hosts for the time they spends to make this the best blog-related Olympicals there ever was!

I hopes the next Olympicals has an ear-flapping event

Important update on my tooths

This morning I is having a sleepy feeling in my head and body. Mama put some medicines in my food, and it tasted weird, and now I no can see my typewriter so well. 

Yesterday I had some down time before my surgeries, so I redesigned my dogblog. It looks much better now. I is a professional!

I has had two more tooths removed and the remaining nine tooths cleaned. I has had lots of bleeding and also sleeping on Mama's lap. But ever since I ate my yucky-tasting food this morning, I no has any feeling at all!

Everyone at the vet of course loved me. I has some new blog fans, and that gives me an excited feeling! I think. Wait, no, I no can feel anything right now. I will likely be excited later.

This is what my mouth looked like the day before my surgeries:

Here you sees some of my eleven tooths.

Here is some others of my eleven tooths.

These is the only pictures ever taken of my mouth insides. I was in a yawny kind of mood, and the batteries no were dead on Mama's camera. But now they are.

Mama took this shot on her phone camera last night. I no even has a remember for that. It is very grainy, but my tongue looks magnificent:

I still has Snaggletooth!

I no is up to any photographs today, especially not ones showing the beautifulness of what is now my nine tooths. Even though I has this silly floaty feeling and not much of a painful, you still no can see inside my mouth. It's MINE!

So I will leaves you with this. It is some of my hard work from a few days ago. I no has an understand why Mama no appreciates it. I worked and worked and worked on this the whole afternoon while she was gone!

Then I was so handsome, nothing else even mattered:

Now I will be laying down in my dog bed. My typewriter keys is blurry and my soulful brown eyes no will even stay open.

I has another trip to the vet

Yes, today Mama took me to the vet. Again. But this time we went to our Greensboro vet. I went there all the way back when I was a rescued dog! She pulled out many of my tooths last year (I was having an anesthesia, so I no was aware of it), and on Thursday I go again to has even more tooths pulled. Mama and I is hoping I will get to keep Snaggletooth, as it is a very important part of my Reuben-ness. Mama says she will still love me, even if Snaggletooth has to go. We no can find out until I is down for the count on the operating table. Why? Well, has you tried to look in my mouth lately? If you has, I has also probably bited you. No offense, but it is MY mouth.

Mama got lost on the way there. She said her GPS gave imaginary directions, but I thinks Mama no is a very good navigator. 

I told you we should have gone south.

Really there is no good reason to post this picture, other than the fact that it is of me and I looks pretty good.

I like how the sun illuminates my beautifulness.

We got there a half hour late, and this was me in the exam room:

It has some interesting smells, let me tells you.

I was a good dog, and I no peed on anything in the whole room, even though it smelled like other dogs who might think they are bigger than me. Of course that no is true.

The vet poked and prodded and stuck needles in me, and the nurse vet violated me with her thermometer. Remind me to pee on her car next time. Everything on my long wiener body checked out good, except I has to come back for the mouth surgeries on Thursday. Of course, everyone in the office loved and adored me. It happens everywhere I go, so I no is amazed by that anymore. I is always posing for pictures and having many childrens rub my soft fur the wrong way. Sometimes it is hard to be me. 

Being me is a lot of work.

Oh, one last thing. This poster was in the exam room:

.....

It is true that Mama has no been happy with all the delicious foodstuffs I get from Daddy's dinner plate. "He has one dinner already, he no needs two!" she says. So she reminds him to no give me the tasty morsels, and then gives me a dog food bowl that frankly is a little smaller than I would prefers. Also I has walks in the park every day. So I finds this picture of me and Hatfield to be very rude. Hatfield and I is very good insulators, and also I think there was some Photo Shops involved. My collar is green, and Hatfield no has a collar even! We no has any of these diseases and is in excellent health. So I is checking with my lawyer to see about a defamation case. In case you forgot, Hatfield has a legal expertise:

His courtroom presence leaves much to be desired though.

Now it is very late, and I must get busy on my sleeping. Tomorrow I will posts some of the horrible pictures that Angela and Mama took of me all dressed up. Also I will be showing them to my lawyer, because I thinks that might be illegal in some states. I will keeps you all updated on how my case is progressing.