Monday, September 3, 2012

Some questions asked to me by various little peoples

First of all, I would like to wish all of my friends a very lovely Day of Labors. This is a day that we has in America to celebrate how hard we all is working. We celebrates it by no doing any work. It is meant to make up for all of the non-laboring kind of days they has in Europe that we no has here. Like leave for maternities and paternities, and many generous vacation days where we can relax and then return to the office as more productive workers.... so fellow Americans, you better live it up today. You has a lot of vacationings to accomplish in this 24 hours, I hopes you is all making the best of it!

sleeping dachshund with his tongue hanging out
This is me, laboring hard at my vigilant nappings. Notice how I also is camouflage. 

Often times when I is walking about the neighborhoods, or when my people sister's friends is coming over, childrens is having many questions about me and all of the wonderful things that makes me so special. So I has compiled a list of questions asked to me by various little peoples:

Q: "OMG look, a cute wiener dog!"
A: That no is even a question, so I no will dignify it with an answer.

wiener dog graph

Q: "Why does his tongue always hang out?"
A: Thank you for this insightful question, little peoples. My tongue always hangs out because I has a very customized mouth composed of nine tooths and one floppy tongue. My tongue is too amazing to be contained by only nine tooths, so as a result, it does many floppies out the side of my mouth.

Q: "What happened to all his teeth?"
A: Well, this is sad, but the peoples who was raising me before no tooked good care of my dentals. As a result, my tooths died and felled out. And also some of them was pulled out by the unfortunate people known as "Vet."

Q: "What can he eat?"
A: What an interesting question, small people. If I asked you this question, probably you would say something like "pizza and ice cream and macaroni and cheese and potato chips and french fries and cookies!" And my answer would be the same. I will eat anything I can get my tongue on. Some interesting things I has eated recently include a whole watermelon (which I spent 20 minutes attacking and gotted about one bite of watermelons, thank yous very much), chicken baby foods (when I was sick), red pepper eggplant soup and a Capri Sun pouch (Mama tooked that away from me before I could finish it). Though my regular diet is mostly wet dog food from a can.

Q: "Is he a puppy?"
A: Hmmm, is I a puppy.... allow me to answer this with a question of my owns: Is you a drooling baby in a diaper who no can walk and cries for his mama all days and nights? You is? I is sorry to hear that, as the dignified senior dog that I is, I find that very sad.

Q: "Really, he's not a puppy? He's so little!"
A: I is going to pretend that you no said this, and instead I will bark and growl fearsomely.

Q: "Why does he always bark and growl fearsomely at me?"
A: Remember that part where you called me a puppy? It has to does with that. If you is one of the few small peoples who no has called me a puppy, it is because you is intruding on my territories and I feel you may pee on my bush at any minute. This would be an act of war, by the ways.

Q: "Can I pet him?"
A: Certainly you may, provided you sign this wavier first. It says that you no will sue my mama if I sinks my fearsome tooth into your little hand. Oh, you has to be able to read it though. So if you is under the age of kindergarten, you sadly no may pet me. Sorries.

These is some of the most common questions I gets from little peoples, can you tell how much I enjoys spending time with childrens?

dachshund jumps on little girl
I loves them especially when they has treats!


  1. Reuben just simply a brilliant post today pal. I found it very informative but my peeps was laughing like a crazy person. Have a great Labour Day.
    Best wishes Molly

  2. little people ask the darndest questions don't they?
    we get asked all the time if bailey is a puppy too. don't people know that not all little dogs are puppies?

  3. I try to avoid little people ever since the little boy next door asked if he could pet me and then hit me on the head. (Mom was overjoyed when he moved away.) You're probably smart to growl and act fearsome -- of course, you ARE fearsome -- little people are very unpredictable, so you must be careful if they come near you.

  4. We probably shouldn't say this but we all hate children! They always rush up and want to hug us and we want to bite them, ha.
    Sometimes people ask if Dip is a puppy and she is almost 11 years old. People are funny creatures.
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

  5. I love your answers!! I am sorry that you were with some bad people before, but I can tell by the tongue flop now you are just loving life!!

  6. Kids ALWAYS want to pat us! I, Daisy, will tolerate it. Bella hates people and as soon as kids hear that she won't let them pat her...they immediately go for her! They always ask if we're twins....I'm 9 1/2 and she's 3 1/2!

    Roxy of course loves kids...she has no class.

    Some of those kids deserve an ankle bite...but you get in trouble.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  7. We don't know who had our Daisy. When she was about 5 years old, she was left outside a vet's office, along with a few other dogs. Fortunately, that vet (I know they do terrible things, but they can also be heroes), made sure that Daisy went to a foster home with Coast-to-Coast Dachshund Rescue.

    Right about that time, Dino the Wonder Dachshund went to the Rainbow Bridge and there was a big empty lonely spot in our house. We learned about Daisy and she adopted me and my elderly mother to be her new mom and grandma.

    Sometimes, when you go through hard times, you finally end up in the home you should have had in the first place. And we live happily ever after.

  8. That was a very informative question and answer session. People often think I'm a puppy too, even though I'm almost 7 and a half! I think it's because I'm so spunky!


  9. Dear Reuben,

    The little peoples often ask questions about me too.

    Q: Oh no, it's a wolf! Run!
    A: That is not a question. But I'm glad you think I'm fierce. Grr.

    Q: Can I pet him?
    A: First, I'm a girl-dog. Second, you may pet me only if you have food. Do you have food? No? Then I'm just going to walk away. Too bad. Bye.

    I am glad you made me prepare. Now I have answers for next time they ask me a question.

    Licks and wags,

  10. Ahahaha...Reuben those are the bestest answers to dumb questions that I have ever heard!!! I can't stop laughing!! I love the waiver...I might have to steal that idea! You are awesome! :-D

  11. I ALWAYS here:
    Why is she so skinny? I am a perfect weight!
    Do they come in that color? Obviously, yes.
    How old is she? Almost 2.
    But she looks like a baby! So? Your point?
    What's her name mean? New Orleans LA
    Can I pick her up? Flat out no.

  12. Your camouflage is amazing! Or is it couchaflage? This was a very entertaining post, your explanation of Labor Day was great. Completely agree with Goose, you have the best answers to dumb questions.

    Maggie & Duke are shy and would prefer not to be molested by strangers. It is strange how many people will try to pet them when they are obviously trying to get away or hide behind me or Mr.Man. He has said "would you like me, a total stranger, to grab YOU?" That usually stops them pretty fast.

  13. Excellent post, Reuben! WE think this should clear lots of question up. Happy Labor Day! xoxo

  14. It appears we have something in common as I am so not a fan of those wee human beasts all mugging my large and wanting to get to know you first self and darting about and squeeeing like little rodents. I think that you handled their tiresome questions quite well.


  15. Great Q and A post, Reuben!
    Hope you had a nice Labor Day!

  16. Great post, Reuben.... We don't like little peoples in our house either... :)

    Shelle, Milo, Dixie and Newby,

  17. Great answers Reuben! Little peoples sure do ask a lot of questions huh?


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