Some questions asked to me by various little peoples

First of all, I would like to wish all of my friends a very lovely Day of Labors. This is a day that we has in America to celebrate how hard we all is working. We celebrates it by no doing any work. It is meant to make up for all of the non-laboring kind of days they has in Europe that we no has here. Like leave for maternities and paternities, and many generous vacation days where we can relax and then return to the office as more productive workers.... so fellow Americans, you better live it up today. You has a lot of vacationings to accomplish in this 24 hours, I hopes you is all making the best of it!

This is me, laboring hard at my vigilant nappings. Notice how I also is camouflage. 

Often times when I is walking about the neighborhoods, or when my people sister's friends is coming over, childrens is having many questions about me and all of the wonderful things that makes me so special. So I has compiled a list of questions asked to me by various little peoples:

Q: "OMG look, a cute wiener dog!"
A: That no is even a question, so I no will dignify it with an answer.

Q: "Why does his tongue always hang out?"
A: Thank you for this insightful question, little peoples. My tongue always hangs out because I has a very customized mouth composed of nine tooths and one floppy tongue. My tongue is too amazing to be contained by only nine tooths, so as a result, it does many floppies out the side of my mouth.

Q: "What happened to all his teeth?"
A: Well, this is sad, but the peoples who was raising me before no tooked good care of my dentals. As a result, my tooths died and felled out. And also some of them was pulled out by the unfortunate people known as "Vet."

Q: "What can he eat?"
A: What an interesting question, small people. If I asked you this question, probably you would say something like "pizza and ice cream and macaroni and cheese and potato chips and french fries and cookies!" And my answer would be the same. I will eat anything I can get my tongue on. Some interesting things I has eated recently include a whole watermelon (which I spent 20 minutes attacking and gotted about one bite of watermelons, thank yous very much), chicken baby foods (when I was sick), red pepper eggplant soup and a Capri Sun pouch (Mama tooked that away from me before I could finish it). Though my regular diet is mostly wet dog food from a can.

Q: "Is he a puppy?"
A: Hmmm, is I a puppy.... allow me to answer this with a question of my owns: Is you a drooling baby in a diaper who no can walk and cries for his mama all days and nights? You is? I is sorry to hear that, as the dignified senior dog that I is, I find that very sad.

Q: "Really, he's not a puppy? He's so little!"
A: I is going to pretend that you no said this, and instead I will bark and growl fearsomely.

Q: "Why does he always bark and growl fearsomely at me?"
A: Remember that part where you called me a puppy? It has to does with that. If you is one of the few small peoples who no has called me a puppy, it is because you is intruding on my territories and I feel you may pee on my bush at any minute. This would be an act of war, by the ways.

Q: "Can I pet him?"
A: Certainly you may, provided you sign this wavier first. It says that you no will sue my mama if I sinks my fearsome tooth into your little hand. Oh, you has to be able to read it though. So if you is under the age of kindergarten, you sadly no may pet me. Sorries.


These is some of the most common questions I gets from little peoples, can you tell how much I enjoys spending time with childrens?

I loves them especially when they has treats!