Friday, August 3, 2012

Reuben reviews the organic Treats Factory (which is right next door to Vet)

Is we there yet? Is we there yet? Is we there yet?
When my mama promised me a trip to Treats Factory - the Organic one, no less - I had a great expectation for the outcomings. I was heartened when we first pulled up, for tuna is a very delicious thing to eat. 

Usually Tuna is for kitties.
I thought this might be the entrance, but we was actually headed to a nearby building. I was expecting something better than boring kitty tuna, so eagerly I entered the paradoxically-near-to-Vet Treat Factory. The first thing that greeted me was this:

Security, please remove these fuzzy things!
I had a big unimpressed with my first impression, to say the least. I continued on past the kitties, where I then saw this:

Hmm, I thoughted the treats would be less canned.
They had dry ones too.

Once again, this has unimpressives.
Where all the free samples is, I asked myself? I no even could find a single one! The only other foodstuff-resembling kind of thing I could find was this:

Oh Dog, please help us all.
Lean Treats? LEAN TREATS?! What the french toast is this? And no free samples? Probably because they is gross and no one wants them and they has KITTIES on the package!

Ok, I has to move on to another subject, for I has too many strong opinions about this. What I expected next was to be shown to a table where I could observe the intricacies of the factories and also nom on some seasonal delicacies. Oh how I was wrong.

This place gets a D- for atmospheres
This table is too freakishly tall for me! What kind of a Treats Factory is this anyway?! At this point I had skepticals and it appears in the following photo that I was hiding under people sister's chair. I no was! I was bravely sniffing the door, gathering informations to help me write my review!

The minamilist decor is so 1993.
The next thing I knowed, some horrible things was happening. Some peoples in pastel-colored clothes camed in. They stoled my nails and my bloods. And they tried to look at my tooths by putting horrible sticks in my mouth, which I absolutely refused to cooperate with. At this point I began to think that this was in fact the worst Treats Factory in the entire world.

These was my beautiful nails before the nail-stealing incident. 
As soon as I could I hightailed it out of there and got to the relative safety of Car.

These is the secret tooths that I was referring to earlier, which I no has a problem showing in Car.

With the unpleasant Treats Factory in the distance, my spirits began to perk up a bit.

Thank Dog I is done with this factory tour!

 As we droved away I even saw this:

Camp Bow Wow? Why you no tooked me there instead, Mama?
Overall I give this organic Treats Factory 1 star. The complete lack of treats, and lack of factories too, really detracted from the overall experience.

The only good part was when these catses was afraid of me. I is a very fearsome dog! That is why this Treats Factory no gets an F.

Handsome picture of me.
In more unrelated newses, Mama says that you can see, from the above photo, how my mouth has problems. Snaggletooth is coming very far out from my gums and Mama says soon it may has to have extractions. I love Snaggletooth and I hopes to never ever let him go. He is very helpful in holding my jaw structure together. Mama says I has a fistula under the part of my beautiful nose that is dark and wet. And she thinks my tooths pain is causing me to be very rude to Daddy and doing bitings of him, and being even more overprotective of my Chewies. There even was a night or twos where I no would even eat dinners, and we all knows what a close thing to my heart dinners is. However, I hates going to Vet, so I is glad Mama has instead taken me to the Treats Factory, even if it was the worst Treats Factory Ever.

The End.

PeeS. I gotted some sausagey treats when I camed home, and they was way better than anything at that uninteresting factory!

I marks this place off the "must see" list.


  1. Oh Reuben, I am so sorry that the organic treat factory did not live up to your very reasonable expectations. I'm glad that you at least got some yummy treats when you got home.


  2. Instead of marking it off the list, maybe you should have just "marked" it! HaHaHaMeow!

  3. You've been HAD, Reuben....ROYALLY!! The VETs always try to camouflage themselves with those fake treat bags!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  4. Reuben cruelly tricked I'd say. At least you escaped home. Have a great Friday.
    Best wishes Molly

  5. We are so traumitized this morning Reuben just reading about your adventure! We are so sorry that someone played Tom Foolery with you. You better go back and read Chapter 5 again in your How to Be a Good Spy book. Bcuz we think you missed the part where it said "when it seems too good to be true...."

    We hope that your tooth is gonna be OK.

    Lily Belle & Muffin

  6. Thanks for the warning. We are never stepping a paw into a fake treat factory
    Benny & Lily

  7. We agree with was a cruel trick! You should have at least gotten to stop at the treat factory! That would have been the right thing for your humans to do!

  8. oh i am so sorry the organic treats factory turned out to be the v-e-t. that was a dirty trick your human played on you. at least you got some sausagey treats when you got home :)

  9. Oh wow---your Mama maybe tried not to scare you--so that's why she said you were going to a treat factory? :) I love how described everything even tho--well--there were kitties and no treats. I hope Snagglepuss is taken care of--just remember--your Mama loves you...really. :)


  10. I think you got hosed Reuben. hehehe

  11. Sorry the "treat factory" was such a disappointment. I'm also sorry your tooth hurts you. I hope it feels better very soon.

    your pal,

  12. That was definitely a 1 star or no star treat factory. Glad you got sausagey treats when you got home!

    Hope your Snaggletooth and nosey are feeling better soon.

  13. Just like any other pet. :) I know you hate cats but I must mention this... our kitten says she's going to get you for scaring those little cats. And she also says she hates treat factories too. ;D


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