Floppy Tongue Joy

DoubleYous!

2012-02-28T21:28:00.001-05:00

I has seen some other dogblogs where they does a special feature on a certain day of the week. I knows this is technically Tuesday, but still I submits my photo for ~~Wordful Weddings~~ ~~Wonderful Weakling~~ ~~Woobie Woobies~~.... um, the day in the middle of the week where we posts only pictures! I calls it "DoubleYous," which is a word more suited to my customized mouth and tongue.

Me and Mama.

Already I has posted this on Face Books, but I no has a lot of pictures of me and Mama together (always she is holding the camera), so I posts it here too. Here we is napping in the suns! *wagwagwagwag*

A mountain adventure in which I is very brave towards horses, chickens and children

2012-02-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

I has had a very active and important weekend, for Mama, Leah and I has gone to the mountains to visit some of Mama's friends. It was the first birthday party of an adorable baby named Ellis (almost as adorable as me!), and so in addition to the horses, dogs and chickens, there was lots of extra people, many of them very very small! 


I tries to hide in the shadows, but still they pursues me

I was very excited to has so many new things to pee on, and so many different kind of animals to show my bravery to. 

I supervises the poultries

I goes to meet a horse before Mama rudely carries me away

I does a lot of this all over everywhere!

What is this, a Reuben sandwich with freakishly long bread?

You will be pleased to know that I has only snapped at one baby and just a couple of kids. I was on my very best behavior! I did lots of barkings whenever Mama lefted me alone on the porch; I wanted to make sure none of those stranger babies was attacking her. For some reason the humans didn't like it when I tried to pee on the side of a baby seat with a baby in it. I no has an understand - I was outside, and also that was MY baby seat, ever since I saw it. Because I is a tolerant and magnanimous dog, I even letted the kids chase me and pet me. 

I is too fast for them!

But then I letted them catch me.

Still, I no is sure about all these hands.

Being the helpful dog that I is, the floor no even needed to be swept after the party, for I has cleaned all the cake crumbs off of it! It was such a delicious party that I no needed dinner that night. After one more shift on horse supervision duty,

Yup, everything looks good.

we packed up the next morning (after Mama and Leah rudely lefted me alone to go hiking; I barked a lot to let them know they forgot me). Me and Leah had a nice nap in the car, and when I woked up we were in a place called West Asheville, where Mama and Daddy used to live. We stopped to eat at this restaurant:

It is called the "Lucky Otter," but for this I no has an understand - clearly that is a two-headed dachshund on the sign. And since I is at least as brave and handsome as two dachshunds, and probably more, this place should be called "Lucky Reuben." 

I hope I is lucky enough to gets my own burrito!

And since I was looking very noble and also stylish in my sweater, Mama and Leah has took some pictures of me at the "Lucky Reuben."

I even gotted some beans and coleslaw in my dog bowl, but I ated it so fast that it no was possible to take a picture.

Today I is taking it real easy, since I had such a big and brave weekend. That is the best kind of weekend for me to have, for I is a big and brave dog! I hopes we go again soon.

Finally I reviews another book

2012-02-23T08:41:00.002-05:00

Magic Tree House Fact Tracker #24: Dog Heroes

Every morning this week my human sister Leah has woked up early before school to do research. It no is even for school; she just loves to do research! She uses this very fascinating book to learn about Dog Heroes (like me!), and she takes notes on the most interesting parts. It has mountain rescue dogs, detective dogs, and even a brave dachshund (like me!) who helped rescue people on September 11.

I suppose it is true that this book is on the first grade reading level, but also it is a fine piece of non-fiction, carefully researched and presenting with alluring illustrations, especially of the brave dachshund (has I ever mentioned that I is also a brave dachshund?). I recommends it to you all!

My big and brave snow day!

2012-02-20T10:46:00.002-05:00

Finally the snows has come to North Carolina! I was positive that I no would like the snows, or ever go in them, for I has a memory of the coldness of last year, and I no wants to repeat that. But since we has had such a warm winter, and still it is warm today, I has had an exciting adventure in the snows! The best way to show it, I is thinking, is with pictures:

I no is sure about this.

I was too busy being brave to actually go down the hill.

How warm this day is!

It is like "Where's Waldo," except it is "Where's Reuben?"

Here I bravely chases after Leah's sled!

I is a North Carolina sled dog!

I no complains about my wet belly even!

Look how good a climber I is!

Daddy, next time you goes hiking you needs to take me!

They says not to eat the brown snow. I agree, for here I tries to kick it all over.

What a noble dog!

Has I told you before that this pole is MINE?!

We has had a very fun time, and I was the bravest dog ever to go out in the snows with no sweater even! Mama and Daddy and Leah had to stop sledding when all the snows turned to muds. So now I is inside on my comfy bed, enjoying the suns that melted all the snows this morning. I hope you has all had a good snow day too! But only if you has had snow.

A lovely afternoon in the suns

2012-02-15T16:22:00.000-05:00

I has heard of this thing called "Wordless Wednesday." While I is hardly ever at a loss for words, especially concerning the topic of myself, I takes this opportunity to post some lovely pictures. This afternoon I has had an adventure in the backyard. It involved daffodils, the sun, and a whole lot of Adorable.

Put the puppies to bed before reading, for this is scandalous!

2012-02-13T11:05:00.001-05:00

What I has to tell about today no is for the ears of young kittens and puppies, so if any of those is nearby, probably you should tell them to go watch Clifford or that other show with the dachshund and the octopus. What it is called? Anyway, I is a very fine and upstanding kind of dog, and I no wants to offend my readers with any indecencies. However, also I is a journalist, and therefore I must tell all the truths, for this is my calling.

I stays up late into the afternoons, doing my calling.

Is the puppies and kittens gone?

IS THEY?!

I can has the bouncer throw you out, you knows.

Good.

You may has seen pictures of me chewing, chewing hard on my dog bed. This is some very important work that I does, but there is more to it than meets the eye! What I actually does is a pattern that goes like this:

1. Chew chew chew chew
2. Hump hump hump hump
3. Chew chew chew chew
4. Hump hump hump hump

Yes, it is shocking, I knows. I no knows how to explain the mystique of my lovely soft bed. Here is more shocking news: I has TWO of them. Truly, I bares my soul for the whole worlds to see. I has a red one upstairs and a blue one downstairs, but they no knows about each other (I is fairly sure of that).

This is the chewing part; it is very hard to photograph the humping part.

Mama has a theory that maybe, in the life I was doing before I came to live in my beautiful house, that I had a job very different than my job now, which of course involves being a fierce watchdog and also an adorable one too. When my family adopted me I was still "intact," and how I loved to show my intactness to all kinds of different things! People's legs, the couch, my boxer/pit neighbor Milo (now those is some freakishly long legs)... and any dogs that I met out and about on my walks. This has made Mama wonder if my job before was a breeder position. I no is telling, but if that is true, they was one disreputable company I assure you. Does anyone has the number for Better Business Bureau?

Anyway, after I went to the vet and got really really sleepy and came home later and was still really really sleepy, I found that when I came to my senses, I no had the desire to prove the great magnitude of my intactness. Something was... missing in my life. Still I continued to hump many other things and animals and people, but before long I no wanted to do that either. It is a little depressing.

But then, my 2 dog beds arrived and for those I is so very happy! I spends many hours a day doing my humpings and chewings. They goes like this, in case you has forgot:

1. Chew chew chew chew
2. Hump hump hump hump
3. Chew chew chew chew
4. Hump hump hump hump

Also I loves my red one too!

One time Mama has even taken a very undignified video of this occurrence, but I has too much class to post such a thing on the internets. Now Hatfield, on the other hand.... he no has class at all, so I works very very hard to keep that video out of his paws.

I no is above circulating this photo of Hatfield looking stupid.

Today I has some news over which I has both bitter and sweet

2012-02-09T12:54:00.000-05:00

Truthfully, I eats anything - whether soft or hard, animal or vegetable, bitter or sweet. If it can goes in my mouth, the chances are that I eats it. That is the kind of dog I is! If you was a homeless dog of advanced years before you came to your new home, probably you would eat any kind of things too! But I digest... I mean, digress.

This is me, digressing peanut butter.

Here is the short and (freakishly) long of it: after much considerations, we has all decided it is best for Gretchen to go live on the family farm, out in the countries, with the man they calls "Grandpa."

The decision no was made lightly, for all the humans is loving her, and me and Hatfield also is tolerating her (kind of). After she has escaped through the kitty door for an adventure for the third time this week, we all knows how much she wants to be bounding through the woods on those freakishly long legs, chasing squirrels and visiting all her friends around on the other farms. Here she is a big-city dog, who has to live in the house and takes walks on a leash (she no likes the leash). Even she is not liking the dog park, for there no is any squirrels to chase or thick brush for camoflauges.

It is rare to gets a photo of her standing still outside.

If we leaves the kitty door open, then Gretchen runs away for an adventure. If we leaves it closed, then Hatfield the orange kitty is sometimes stucked outside in the cold and dark and wet (I no is especially bothered by that, but Mama no likes it for him).

Hatfield whispers: "Next time I puts YOU out in the rains."

Always Gretchen is trying to make me do very undignified things, like "play" with her. I no is a puppy; I is kind of more like a well-respected magistrate. So I does many growlings and barkings, and then she sits on me, and then I bites her with my fearsome tooth, and the next thing I knows I is at the vet getting another one of my precious tooths pulled out.

Always I keeps an eye on her. Except for when I is sleeping.

Here is another sad thing: The man they calls "Grandpa," his dog Lizzie has just gone to the rainbow bridge to chase all the cars she wants, and none of them can runs her over anymore. This has left him with a great sadness, to be all alone on the farm. He always is loving it when Gretchen does visits, and always she is having many happies to go visit him too.

And so, to make a (freakishly) long story short, this Sunday we takes Gretchen out to live on the farm. Mama has a great proudness for finally giving Gretchen the trainings to pee only outside (sometimes she has a few accidents though), and also she is doing most of her poops outside too (Gretchen, not Mama. Mama is doing most of hers inside, for some strange reasons).

Always I goes outside, for I is a good dog!

For as much as Gretchen is basically an annoying little sister who has the gall to has longer legs than me (freakishly long, if I has not mentioned before), she does makes things more interesting around here. So some I will be missing her, and some I will be doing a happy wiggly dance that she is moving out. Lucky me, I gets to visit her on the farm on Sundays too. As long as they has good foodstuffs in the house, that sounds like a good plan to me!

You no can tell ANYONE about the following photos, does you hear me?! I posts them only as a kindness and courtesy to Gretchen, because I is such humble and generous dog.

Gretchen on the loose!

2012-01-28T12:52:00.003-05:00

Before you is starting to freak out, we has found Gretchen already. But this morning, Mama left the back door open for a minute and Gretchen the doxador decided to has an adventure!

Leah made this beautiful picture, hoping that someone would see it and then call our address. Leah almost is as helpful as me! Mama posted a picture in her Face Books, the book that is for all of our neighborhood. Someone called her about a minute later and said Gretchen was in their backyard! The nice person said that Gretchen jumped right into her car! So me, Leah and Mama hopped in our car and went to go fetch. (Fetching, by the way, no is something I do. If you throws my chewy, I runs over to it and snaps it up with my fearsome tooths and takes it to my very safe place. Because it is MINE!)

So I goes along for the ride, and when we gets there, Gretchen has escaped again! So then we drove down the street and looked and looked. I is such a very helpful dog that I barked and barked at everyone we saw. Mama had to yell "has you seen a dog running around here?" real loud over the sound of my ferocious barks. Here is what I was really saying: "I is a very good dog and no went on an adventure today, but Gretchen is a BAD dog and probably is in many troubles!"

"Like OMG, I iz a very bad dog!!1!!11!"

But soon we came to some nice peoples walking down the street, and there is Gretchen, walking along with them! (Almost I thought I would be an only dog again. Which I must admit, no is a bad idea. All the attentions SHOULD be mine).

So that is the big news story of my day, and still it is only lunchtime (for humans - not for me, which gives me a great sadness). What the rest of the day holds for me, I wonder? I has no idea, but I does know this: since Gretchen NO IS getting any treats today, probably I will get double treats. So far I likes this day!

No works today!

2012-01-26T15:20:00.001-05:00

Today I does my happy dance, the one with the wiggly butt, for Mama has had some news. The place she was trying to work at - they says she no can work there, but that she has welcomes to apply for other positions in the future and they keeps her application on file. Whooo-hoo!

Actually, Mama has some frustrations now, and I no wants her to has frustrations. So I is sitting in her lap and typing away on my typewriter. That is something that I can continue to do now that Mama no will be gone a lot! 

I will continue to has lots of time for this!

Okay, sorry, sorry, I know I is supposed to be sad too. But frankly it is quite difficult when this lap is so warm. I is sure many of my furry friends will back me up.

I comes back to my dogblog

2012-01-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

Lately, too much of my times has been spent doing the Face Books. I has met some very handsome and dignified dogs there. Some is dachshunds, some is not, but they all is good dogs, like me! All the time, except for when we is bad (almost always I is a good dog). 

Sometimes I is posting my ideas and my musings and my beautiful pictures on the Face Books, instead of on my dogblog. I likes to share them with my new friends, and frankly there is SO many dogs on there, they no all has time to read all the different many blogs. But now I is missing Floppy Tongue Joy, so I has made a commitment to spend more of my times working on it. As long as it no cuts into the times for these things:

chewing my squeaky chewies
vigilantly sleeping
cleaning foodstuffs off the kitchen floor
peeing on things
belly rubs
barking at Hatfield
bravely standing behind Mama during vacuum activities
basement monsters
not playing with Gretchen

I spends a lot of time not playing with Gretchen, since always she is wanting to play, and I is simply too dignified for that thing. Oh, another thing is:

humping my bed

More to follow on that later. But for now, I leaves you with a lovely picture of Daddy carrying me in my bed: 

Do not think of trying to take my squeaky chewy, for it is MINE.

Tonight I is all out of floppy tongue joy

2012-01-18T19:52:00.000-05:00

Friends, I no has a lot of good newses today. Mama says we needs to stay positive, so here is one thing: When Mama and Daddy is cooking, I sniffs all around their foots for delicious falling foodstuffs. Always they is falling! Mama and Daddy use many garlicks in their cookings. You know how garlicks has those little skins all over them. They falls to the floor, and that is why I has a new nickname: "Garlic Nose." Always the garlick skins is stuck to my nose after dinners! It is adorable. 

It no is garlicks, but I think my tongue is stuck to my bed now.

But tonight I is having a great sadness. Daddy's daddy is a man they calls "Grandpa." (Actually, we has many grandpas in our family). This Grandpa lives on the farm where sometimes I go and do many, many peeings. Then I curls up and watches TV. Oh, also I eats all of Lizzie's food. But now, I no will be eating Lizzie's food anymore. Grandpa's poodle Lizzie has gone far away to the rainbow bridge. Always she was chasing cars, and not really paying many attentions to how dangerous they is. She gotted too close to the neighbor's truck. And you knows what happened next. Also I is sad for Gretchen; she loved to play with Lizzie. Gretchen does not know yet, but next time she goes to the farm to play she will have a great confusion, and then a great sadness too. 

There is more griefs in the house too. Our good friends at Ringo's Rat Tales is having a very tough time. I no knows all the details, but I does know that they has troubles, and Mama and Daddy is sad for them. My friend Lucy is their dog, and so I will try very very hard to no bark at her, or even pee in her yard. If my family had a sadness, I no would appreciate other dogs barking or peeing in my yard either. Even I no can give Lucy some delicious treats, because they gives her intestinal discomforts. All of us is trying to send happy energies to them. I hopes you has a few extra happy energies to send them too. 

So for now I curls up on Mama's lap and has many great ponders about life. I hopes all the sadnesses will pass so I can go back to being my floppy-tongue joyful self, and the humans can be regular selves too. 

Finding some warms in the January colds

2012-01-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

Good mornings to all my friends of the furry and less-furry varieties! The big news here in North Carolinas is that it is cold. Mama and Leah always is whining about how there no is any snow. And that gives me a confusion, because for a wiener dog like me, the snows attack my stout, beautiful self from above AND below. So whenever I has a chance, I tries to get my vitamin dees from the sun (though I prefers to get it from cheese. If you has any, please e-mail your street address and I will find it). 

I is nobly sunning myself in the back yards.

I is so comfy and then - BAM! Gretchen rudely licks me.

Here Gretchen tries to make this a picture of her. It no is.

Sometimes I get my suns through the window.

When there no is suns, I use Mama's lap.

Sadly, we has lost my only sweater that fits on my stoutly majestic wiener dog body. All I has now is a sweater that NO FITS. Sweaters for beautiful dogs like me has to come from a special store on the internets, I is thinking. What does you think about one like this? Very handsome! All I is needing now is some monies. There is lots of them in the couch, so probably I will has a new sweater very soon. Even Gretchen can get one too, I guess. I is a very kind and generous dog. Humble too!

I defend my territory from felines and octopi

2012-01-05T09:09:00.000-05:00

Many interesting adventures has been happening recently. So I has decided to squish them together into a photo essay. I calls it: "Reuben's photo essay." That way you will know it is MINE!!!

Kitty, you seem to has forgotten this is MY yard.

Just sniffing to make sure Gretchen no is a spy.

My tongue is still amazing!

What? No, I would never sleep in a box of new clothes!

Ok, maybe I did. What do you mean my dog bed is right there?

I attacks this octopus with brave ferocities!

I is very proud of my fearsome tooths. All 9 of them.

What adventures I will has next? You'll have to come back and see for yourself. I is still working on my "Small Dog's Guide to Braveries," for all the small dogs out there who no is as big and brave as me. Probably I has a new title now: Professor Reuben. I teaches all the basics of self-defense and bark-driven offense. Coming soon!

Kicking War!

2012-01-03T11:19:00.000-05:00

The big news of today is that it is FREEZING now in North Carolina, so Gretchen and I has worn our sweaters today for our walk. Also this is big news: we has had a kicking war in the park. We both peed on some very important leaves, and she was kicking to spread her pee smell even further, and I was doing that too, and believe me, there was a LOT of kicking going on. Dirt and leaves was flying through the air. I won the kicking war when I disqualified Gretchen for having freakishly long legs. 

This is an example of my very important works. 

Happy Christmases, everyone!

2011-12-26T11:09:00.000-05:00

I hopes everyone had a excellent Christmas or other pertinent holiday. I did! 

I gotted a new Chewy...

Here I growls real hard at Daddy.

I ated some peanut butter...

Why this treat is so difficult?

It gave me some thirsties, so I drank some water...

That feels better.

Then I ated some turkies. Except I ate them so fast that Mama no had a chance to take a picture. I has to eat them fast, or Gretchen might steal my turkies! MINE!

Then we all went out to the farm, where Gretchen was very rude to the other family dogs, Lizzy, Buffy and Maisy. I is thinking she has a jealousy for other girl dogs, since I is so handsome. I took a nice long walk with no leash.

Does you see me? I is in the middle, doing camouflage!

Leah gotted a very big present with some sleds in it. I no is sure of the implications for me and Gretchen if we gets some snow. On one paw, it would keep my belly warm when I takes a walk, and gives my legs a nice rest. I could just get out of the sled to do my peeings, then get right back in! On the other paw, I has a worry that Leah will push me down a big hill in the park. If she does, I surely will pee in her sleds. All three of them.

Mama and Daddy wants to sled, too.

I had some intestinal discomforts in Daddy's car. Probably due to the very large numbers of turkies I ate, and all of the other things that people were feeding me, or that felled on the floor. Daddy said he could not find all of his Christmas spirits after that happened. Always I is a very good dog and Gretchen is the pooper. See the crate in the background of Leah's picture? It is Gretchen in there, and it is because she is a pooper. So as you can see, I is still the better dog.

Gretchen gotted an octopus Chewy in her stocking, but she no has an interest and it is too puffy for my tastes. Hatfield gotted a catnip shrimp on a string. Kitties is so very strange.

Today I has a very busy schedule of napping, peeing on things outside, and catching foodstuffs that fall onto the floor. Time to get to work! Merry Christmases, everyone!

This is where Hatfield spent Christmas.

I gets a letter from a fan: my human sister Leah!

2011-12-19T20:30:00.000-05:00

My human sister Leah has written me a beautiful letter. I has almost no words to describe how beautiful it is. So here I is showing you the letter:

Does you see my tongue? Leah has drawn it very thoughtfully, right around my mouth area. There is my red leash and my green collar too! Maybe the most important thing of all is that she has drawn me doing something extremely important. Can you tell what it is? 

Just in case you can't, I tells you: I is peeing! I does it tirelessly to protect my territories, and from this picture I knows how much Leah appreciates all my hard works.

My busy afternoon in the sun

2011-12-17T16:49:00.000-05:00

Gretchen, stop posting on my dogblog! It's MINE!

By the end I was so sleepy that I couldn't even finish my rough draft. I is a very hardworking dog writer. I hope everyone else had a good afternoon in the sun, like me.

In one half hour, I goes almost one block! Almost.

2011-12-13T11:46:00.001-05:00

Mama has been extremely fussy on my walk this morning. She only could find one leash, so I gotted my very own walk, without even Gretchen pulling me along the whole time! She has freakishly long legs, in case I has not mentioned it before. 

My legs is the correct length.

Anyway, Mama no had much patience for the stately pace of my morning constitutionals. I no can see the big deal - in a half hour I went almost one whole block! Not around the block - I means one block. Almost. Some peoples is not having understands for the very important work I is always doing. So many dogs and other furry things walk through my neighborhood, and some of them does not realize that the whole neighborhood is MINE, especially the park. So I is tirelessly peeing over all their pees. 

Also, as I is a dog of advanced years and knowledges, sometimes my stout walk is interpreted as a "waddle." My friend Ralphie has pointed out to me that it is a very common mistake, and in some cases is also a mean thing that Gretchen writes on my dogblog when I is not looking. Truly, there is no end to my patiences in all of these things. What else Mama has to to today except take care of me? She has said something about "bank," "grocery store," "Christmas shopping," "dishes," "picking up Leah at school" - but I no pays much attentions to all that. 

Now that my walk is done, I goes back to vigilantly sleeping. I has a new project in the works: it is a guide to small and tiny dogs on how to be stoutly big and brave, like me. I is working very hard on it, so please come back and visit!

I is in a hopping around mood tonight

2011-12-07T20:38:00.001-05:00

Look what I has found! It is a blog hop, around which we is all hopping and hopping and hopping. Wait.... I think I has hopped too much. I is having a very uncomfortable feeling in my tummy now. Has you ever hopped too much like that? If you has, then you know what I means. Excuse me.

Today I is engaging in sabotage

2011-12-02T08:38:00.001-05:00

I has received some worrisome news this morning. Mama said she is having something called a "job interview" today. I no has all the details, but I is thinking it will mean less belly rubs, fewer warm laps, and not as many long walks where I can sniff and pee on everything I want. 

I remembers when Mama was having this "job," and that is exactly what happened before! Why she wants to leave me alone with Gretchen all day long? I did my wiggly happy dance when her store closed down and she gotted to spend many many days with me in her lap. I is in her lap right now. Where I will sleep all day if Mama is at this "job?"

This is the correct place for me.

From there it gets worse, even. If Mama and Daddy is having more monies, maybe they will be going to more shows and restaurants and other places where dogs is not allowed. I no can let this happen.

So here is my idea: when Mama no is looking, I is going to roll around on all her nice clothes and pee on them too. I will get Hatfield the cat to pull them down from the closets, then I will go to work. Maybe I will poop on them too. I will see how I feel at that time. 

I is an excellent roller.

I will keep you posted on this sabotaging operation. I no can let Mama return to works! She's my Mama, MINE! All MINE!

Happy Thanksgivings!

2011-11-24T12:01:00.001-05:00

Oh, what a glorious day... I gets to have all my people in the house all day, I gets to smell the turkies in the oven all day, and then because I is such a patient and waitful dog, I get to eat the turkies later. Maybe stuffings too, and pumpkin pie. Mama has gotten something called "Tofurkies." And for that, I no has an understand. Also I has never seen her eat my dog food, so maybe she is not liking meats very much? That could only mean more for me, so that works out great, I is thinking!

She is eating strange and untasteful things, like this.

 Because I is feeling gracious and charitable today, I is going to be talking about Gretchen. She is my girlfriend and also we lives together. Except she is bothering me all the time. Always she is wanting to "play," and she no is understanding that I is a very dignified wiener dog of gracefully advanced years who no "plays." One of these days, I is sure she will understand that based on my fearsome growling.

A rare moment of us having nose-rubs.

Oh, but I is being a good dog today. So, I will tells you she is what they calls a "doxadore." How you is spelling that? Maybe it is "dachshador." Anyways, she is a dachshund/lab mix, and while I has the softest coat in all the worlds, she has the smoothest. Also she is having some markings on her back that looks exactly like a harness!

Gretchen says "cheese." Wait - you gots some cheese?

Maybe I has not specified, but Daddy has a farm way out in the countries that we gets to visit a few times a week. There no is any fire hydrants, telephone poles, or smells of many other dogs. Instead I smells the wild animals, so of course I still has much work to do there, peeing on things. When we is there, Gretchen loves to bound joyfully through the woods, chasing squirrels and picking up new friends I think they is calling "ticks." She and I is both visiting the neighbor's dog Sugar, a guardful rottweiler almost as ginormous as me!

Gretchen is almost as good-looking as me.

When I is out there, I does lots of wandering and peeing, as I has stated. But again, due to my advanced years, I is getting tired and wanting to go in the house and eat all of Lizzie's food (she is grandpa's fuzzy poodle). One time I has hidden in the car and fallen fast asleep, and gave Daddy a great worry about where I was. So now, often I spend much time in the house when I visit, walking about stoutly, eating Lizzie's food and sleeping. What a good dog I is!

Oh, and Gretchen is a good dog too. Mostly. Since I is such a handsome and kind wiener dog, I is sharing my turkies with her on her first Thanksgivings with us. You are welcome, Gretchen. Also, please stop pooping on the floor. 

I gots a new activity. PS: There is basement monsters involved.

2011-11-18T08:45:00.001-05:00

"Basement monsters?" you may be saying to yourself. Yes my friends, it is all true. There no is a need to worry though, because I is doing a great job keeping my family safe from their terror!

See how I is watching Gretchen and Hatfield? I is like a hawk.

A few days ago Mama noticed Gretchen being very very curious about one particular spot in the floor of the living room. Right where there is a vent and a little hole for wires.  Because I no is the kind of dog to let Gretchen has all the fun, I waddled over to get a good sniff of the situation. My conclusion? There is furry little monsters living in the basement ceiling. Which happens to be under the living room floor.

Now I will be honest, because I always is: things can be getting a little bit boring around here, now that the outside has developed chilliness. I spend lots of time sleeping vigilantly and chewing on my chewies. MINE. Also growling at Gretchen and snapping with every one of my nine tooths. She is always wanting to play or something, but she no has an understand that I is a very dignified wiener dog who no has time for puppy play. I take my job of house protector very seriously. 

I hides in the shadows, then I goes in for the kill.

Which is why I is taking this issue of basement monsters very seriously. I no is exactly sure what they is, but they is very quiet. Mostly I know they are there by their scent, which believe me, no is particularly pleasant. I spends many minutes tracking them back and forth across the floor. Also sniffing and barking at the vent where they has set up camp in MY HOUSE. 

I think they has nocturnals, so right now I is just sitting on Mama's lap and typing. But I is warning you right now, basement monsters, if you is having internets to read this: I no will rest until you has evacuated MY vent, except for during the day when you is asleep, and for during the night when I is asleep upstairs. Consider yourselves lucky that I is a lowrider wiener dog who no can jump off the bed or walk down the stairs. But I is watching you. Almost all the time.

Here is some beautiful pictures from my weekend

2011-11-13T11:28:00.001-05:00

Mama has taken some amazing photos of me lately, of which I must share with all the internets. I no has lots of interesting news though - I has been chillin in my sweater, peeing on leaf piles, chewing on my chewies, sleeping in Mama's lap,  riding in the car (almost I can see out the window!), and eating all the foodstuffs I can find on the ground. Just the other day I found a half of a hoagie roll in the park, and I ated it all up! I no can imagine who would leave it there for me, but they is one nice human being. Are you ready to see some photos? I'm sure you is.

How majestic I is.

Watch out for the floor, tongue!

How this got in here? These are MY pictures, MINE!

I has a perspective.

I is very limber. With my tongue.

Has you noticed yet that my tongue is magnificent?

Here, I is waiting for someone to drop their muffins.

My ears in action. They is very aerodynamic!

And this - wait... Gretchen, this is MY dogblog. MINE.

I is ready for my close-up.

I know you has muffins somewhere. Where they is?!?!

Me and Gretchen is sundogs. Also we is waiting for muffins.

I never gotted muffins so I went back to sleep.

Happy veterans day, only a little bit late

2011-11-13T11:21:00.001-05:00

I would like to give thank-yous to all the brave dogs who has served during wars. Also to the brave humans too. My (human) Daddy was in the Marines, probably about 100 years ago, before Mama even knowed him. I is very glad that he came home all safe. From one brave dog to many others: Keep us the good works. You has my support.

Helpful? Why yes, I is.

2011-11-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

You may not be knowing this about me, but I is an extremely helpful dog. For example, when Mama cleans the kitchen, I stay right by her foots the whole time so I catches all the delicious foodstuffs that fall off the counter. I eats them, and due to my diligent and delicious work, Mama no has much to sweep off the floor. 

I is very patient!

Another way I is very helpful is at laundry-folding time. When Leah and Mama sit down to fold, I rolls all over the piles that they has already done. Also the piles they has not done yet. Of course it is very important for my scent to be on everything in the house, yard and neighborhood. I is a little frustrated that the stupid laundries keep getting cleaned. It must be out of Mama's control, because she has to know how much works it is for me to re-scent all the clothes, sheets and towels. I think she is having an epic battle with the one they calls "Washing Machine." She puts the laundries in dirty, but the Machine always wins by spitting the clothes back out clean. I can only imagine Mama's frustrations with this.

My works is never-ending.

Oh, I almost forgot about vacuums! "Vacuums" is a very strange word to begin with. Why it has two "u"'s? But beyond that, the Vacuum Cleaner is a formidable foe, and mysterious as well. Being the strong, brave wiener dog that I is, I no has a frightened of it. In fact, I stay right behind Mama's foots the whole time she is pushing the vacuum, just in casing she is needing me to jump out and give the Vacuum a taste of my fearsome tooths. I always make an appearance when I hear the vacuum start - the world is a very dangerous place, and I must keep my family safe, no matter what hardships I has because of it. I could be sleeping vigilantly instead of doing any of these chores, but I does not. That is the kind of helpful dog I is.

This is me, right before I eated this pumpkin.

After I eated it, the vacuum came out of hiding.

I clarifies some earlier contents

2011-11-03T09:12:00.000-04:00

You may has noticed that in some of my previous posts, I has severely downplayed my very large size and fearlessness. There is a reason for that.

It is because I is a very kind and caring dog, and also I is very humble. I no wanted to make other dogs feel bad about how big they are, or how brave, since I am pretty much the biggest, bravest dog ever.

However, I has come to realize that I no can contain my largeness and my braveries anymore. And so because I is also a very truthful dog, I tells it like it is.

Aren't I a good dog?

Yes, I is.

Also, I is adorable.

Also I is a book reviewer

2011-11-02T09:29:00.003-04:00

You may has noticed that I has been curiously silent over the last few days, including Halloweens. Part of the reason is that I was very unceremoniously left out of the trick-and-treating. Everyone went to a place that was crowded with hundreds of people, maybe even dozens. Mama said I would go insane from barking. This maybe is true, but since Leah dressed up as Dorothy, I no has an understand why she did not take me as Toto. I even dressed up as the Tin Man the other day, and still I got no treats-and-tricks. 

I is a very intelligent dog, as I'm sure you has noticed. Another reason I has not been around the last few days is because Mama is reading a new book, and she has read some of it to me. It is the first book I has ever read written by a dog, and I is very much impressed with the volume of his works. One day I hopes to write a book too, and maybe mine will sell more copies even than his. 

This dog thinks very deep, like me.

There is more informations about the book here. One part I will tell is that the dog has a reincarnation. He has remembers from his past life! This has got me to thinking. I is not a spring chicken kind of dog, and if I has had reincarnations, it was many many years ago, or even days. I has been probing back into the deep recesses of my large mind. It is all very interesting. 

While this dog (he has different names in the book) does have the right kind of dog attitude, about being amazing and extremely important (like me), my only criticism is that he no speaks the dog language quite correctly. I'm sure he is working on improvements for his next book, which I will be making sure that Mama buys for me. I loves this book so much that when she is finished reading it, I no will even chew it up. That is how much I loves this book.

I also has some more dog books to review. I is very intellectual and a spectacular writer myself, so it is only fair that I share all my knowledges with the rest of the world. So check back to my dogblog for more of thems. 

Now it is time for my walk. Mama is trying something new today - I gets my very own neighborhood walk, all by myself! Gretchen likes to go very fast and hardly pees on anything, so I is always being rushed along. It makes my job a million times harder, let me tell you. When I get back, Mama will walk Gretchen to the dog park. I no is jealous of that - I no wants to scare all the dogs there with my frightful barks and fearsome tooths. Really, I is a very kind-hearted dog. Also my legs are not freakishly long, like Gretchen's are, and so I is having a tired feeling before we even gets there. I is feeling like I will have some really good sniffs today. Everyone has put out their green bins and brown rolling carts for me, and so this is always my favorite day for a walk.

Long-tongue dog has a long tongue

2011-10-29T10:53:00.001-04:00

Well, it has finally happened: I has found a dog with a tongue longer than my own. I know, it is a shocking occurrence, and it shows what an equitable and kind dog I am to admits that. You is an amazing dog, Puggy!

I misses my buddy Simon

2011-10-29T09:59:00.000-04:00

I has not seen Simon for many, many weeks. Maybe even many days too. Stacey is the photographer who found me in the streets in Greensboro, and Simon is her vizsla dog. He no has a dogblog, but Stacey has taken some beautiful pictures of him. He is almost as beautiful as me!

I is so beautiful, Gretchen no can help kissing me.

Important update on my tooths

2011-10-28T11:13:00.000-04:00

This morning I is having a sleepy feeling in my head and body. Mama put some medicines in my food, and it tasted weird, and now I no can see my typewriter so well. 

Yesterday I had some down time before my surgeries, so I redesigned my dogblog. It looks much better now. I is a professional!

I has had two more tooths removed and the remaining nine tooths cleaned. I has had lots of bleeding and also sleeping on Mama's lap. But ever since I ate my yucky-tasting food this morning, I no has any feeling at all!

Everyone at the vet of course loved me. I has some new blog fans, and that gives me an excited feeling! I think. Wait, no, I no can feel anything right now. I will likely be excited later.

This is what my mouth looked like the day before my surgeries:

Here you sees some of my eleven tooths.

Here is some others of my eleven tooths.

These is the only pictures ever taken of my mouth insides. I was in a yawny kind of mood, and the batteries no were dead on Mama's camera. But now they are.

Mama took this shot on her phone camera last night. I no even has a remember for that. It is very grainy, but my tongue looks magnificent:

I still has Snaggletooth!

I no is up to any photographs today, especially not ones showing the beautifulness of what is now my nine tooths. Even though I has this silly floaty feeling and not much of a painful, you still no can see inside my mouth. It's MINE!

So I will leaves you with this. It is some of my hard work from a few days ago. I no has an understand why Mama no appreciates it. I worked and worked and worked on this the whole afternoon while she was gone!

Then I was so handsome, nothing else even mattered:

Now I will be laying down in my dog bed. My typewriter keys is blurry and my soulful brown eyes no will even stay open.

I no is a stuffed animal

2011-10-26T17:30:00.000-04:00

My mama's friends from Ringo's Rat Tales came to our house the other day and... well... some indignifications has occurred.

I is going to bite those ruby slippers right off Dorothy's feets.

Here I is still the Tin Man.

About this, I no is happy. Leah says I is a funeral person.

You know what? I is not even posting the rest of them. Not even for evidences of indignifications. Instead, I posts a shot of me and my magnificent tongue.

I is a lap dog when I no has anything to pee on.

In fact, I is typing this from Mama's lap right now. Of course I is a very busy dog, so I gets my naps whenever I can. Maybe I will post some more shots later. Right now it is time to lie on the couch and watch something called "Wizard of Ozzes." It is a pretty good movie, though of course Toto is not as big and frightsome as me. But he does a good job anyways.

I has another trip to the vet

2011-10-26T00:38:00.000-04:00

Yes, today Mama took me to the vet. Again. But this time we went to our Greensboro vet. I went there all the way back when I was a rescued dog! She pulled out many of my tooths last year (I was having an anesthesia, so I no was aware of it), and on Thursday I go again to has even more tooths pulled. Mama and I is hoping I will get to keep Snaggletooth, as it is a very important part of my Reuben-ness. Mama says she will still love me, even if Snaggletooth has to go. We no can find out until I is down for the count on the operating table. Why? Well, has you tried to look in my mouth lately? If you has, I has also probably bited you. No offense, but it is MY mouth.

Mama got lost on the way there. She said her GPS gave imaginary directions, but I thinks Mama no is a very good navigator. 

I told you we should have gone south.

Really there is no good reason to post this picture, other than the fact that it is of me and I looks pretty good.

I like how the sun illuminates my beautifulness.

We got there a half hour late, and this was me in the exam room:

It has some interesting smells, let me tells you.

I was a good dog, and I no peed on anything in the whole room, even though it smelled like other dogs who might think they are bigger than me. Of course that no is true.

The vet poked and prodded and stuck needles in me, and the nurse vet violated me with her thermometer. Remind me to pee on her car next time. Everything on my long wiener body checked out good, except I has to come back for the mouth surgeries on Thursday. Of course, everyone in the office loved and adored me. It happens everywhere I go, so I no is amazed by that anymore. I is always posing for pictures and having many childrens rub my soft fur the wrong way. Sometimes it is hard to be me. 

Being me is a lot of work.

Oh, one last thing. This poster was in the exam room:

.....

It is true that Mama has no been happy with all the delicious foodstuffs I get from Daddy's dinner plate. "He has one dinner already, he no needs two!" she says. So she reminds him to no give me the tasty morsels, and then gives me a dog food bowl that frankly is a little smaller than I would prefers. Also I has walks in the park every day. So I finds this picture of me and Hatfield to be very rude. Hatfield and I is very good insulators, and also I think there was some Photo Shops involved. My collar is green, and Hatfield no has a collar even! We no has any of these diseases and is in excellent health. So I is checking with my lawyer to see about a defamation case. In case you forgot, Hatfield has a legal expertise:

His courtroom presence leaves much to be desired though.

Now it is very late, and I must get busy on my sleeping. Tomorrow I will posts some of the horrible pictures that Angela and Mama took of me all dressed up. Also I will be showing them to my lawyer, because I thinks that might be illegal in some states. I will keeps you all updated on how my case is progressing.

I is soft like a bunny

2011-10-24T09:58:00.000-04:00

There is something else you should know about me. I never has mentioned it before, since I has so many amazing characteristics, but - I has the softest fur you has ever seen. Many dogs has that coarse, wiry dog hair, but I has hair like a bunny rabbit which has just been shampooed. Also, I no has a need to be doing lots of hair care to make me so beautiful. My fantastic fur no needs to be washed hardly ever; Mama says that is a good thing. If you no knows me better, you would think I has a frightened in the bathtub, due to me shivering a lot. But just like in the vet's office, it is only because I has a chill, and not at all due to frightfulness. I prefer to no be wet. I will not even go outside when the grass is wet - that is how much I hates to be wet. Again, I must stress that this no has anything to do with being afraid. I is a complex dog of discriminating tastes, and I simply knows what I likes. If you would like to rub my soft fur, I will allow you to give me one belly rub. But remember, I is a very busy dog. There no is time for every peoples who want to touch my splendid fur.

I is soft enough to be a pillow. See?

Me and Gretchen fights like dogs and cats

2011-10-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

This morning, right after a breakfast of crunchy deliciousness, a terrible thing has occurred. Being that Gretchen and I is wiener dogs, we loves our foods more than almost any other thing. In my opinion, Mama no gives us enough! I has to be working on my insulation for the winter. Being that Gretchen and I was irritated by not having more foods (Mama says something about "portion control," whatever that is), we had a enormous tussle and Gretchen SAT ON ME using her giant freakish legs. 

Well, I no is a kind of dog who takes this, so I puts all my strength into biting her with my fearsome tooth. Unfortunately for me, Gretchen's body is more solid than I expected, and my tooth decay is a little more advanced than I had a knowledge of. So when Mama came over and pulled her off of me, she saw that I has a bloody mouth and a very loose tooth. 

Thankfully it was NOT my snaggletooth, which has almost as much magnificence as my tongue. Before the tussle I had four teeth in the fronts. Now, when I go back to the vet on Monday, I will has only three fronts. And I no is happy about that.

I still has both of these teeth, thanks goodness.

So after the mighty tussle Mama and Leah took me to the doctor. Also, despite what you may has heard, I was shaking because it was VERY CHILLY in the office. I no was frightened at all. But I sees how you might think that, given the amount of shaking I was doing. If I had my sweater on, I no would shake at all. Really. In fact, I was so brave that I tooks my shot with no having any problems. The doctor gave Mama some medicine for me (blech), and paid on the way out, and said "you is a very expensive dog, Reuben." Though I no knows what that means.

I made extra sure to pee really good on the fence in front of the offices. It's my fence it's my fence it's MINE! I peed on it a couple times before Mama picked me up and put me in the car. I CAN get into the car all by myselfs, I just no feels like doing it. Ever. If I ever feels like doing it, I will lets you all know.

I has to go back to the doctor on Monday, as I said befores. After all that I STILL has my loose and bloody tooth, mostly because I no lets anyone look in my mouth. EVER. They will has to give me anesthesias. That is the only way I will lets people look in my mouth, because I no can help it when I is asleep. 

Now I is tired of typing, so I plans to go lie in the sun for a long whiles. I is feeling ok, but I no has a particular like for Gretchen at this time. The vet said "Reuben, don't go getting into fights with dogs bigger than you!" I no knows what she is talking about, since I is definitely the biggest dog in the neighborhood. Gretchen is lucky I hurted my tooth like that - if that no had happened, SHE would has to visit the vet instead of me. Mama says she has a headache now. But it is hard for me to care about that, since I has a toothache. 

This morning, I has some sad news

2011-10-19T10:01:00.001-04:00

It is true that Kanga no was my best buddy, most of the times. But how I loved to bark at her and scare her with my big mean scary wiener dog bark. Last night our neighbor came over and told Daddy the very sad news that Kanga has went to the Great Beyond. I no has a knowledge of what attacked her, maybe a very mean dog or raccoons, who has been hanging around here lots and frankly I no likes the looks of them. I is a little mad at myself because I no was there to protect Kanga. But she was next door in the neighbors' yard, where she was very much of the time, and I no is allowed to go there. Kevin and Diane fed Kanga lots of noms, and they petted her and she sat on their car a lot. And rolled in their driveway. 

Mama, Daddy and Leah all has a sadness today. Also does Hatfield. Again, I no is a big fan of orange kitties, but as you can see, sometimes I lets my guard down and has a comfortable with them: 

Kanga had very good insulation, like me.

I will miss Kanga. She loved food, like me. Mama said that in college she talked to a pet psychic (they prefer the term "animal communicator"). She wanted to make Hatfield stop spraying all over the house, and he no had an interest in that. Then Mama asked Kanga to stop eating so much. And Kanga said, "Why I would do that?" That is a smart kitty, if you asks me. I hope she is having many happies and making lots of biscuits on a soft, warm blankie. Happy trails, Kanga.

Proof no is needed, but I provides it anyway

2011-10-18T09:32:00.001-04:00

Just in casing there was any question about the magnificence of my tongue, I submits these photos as evidence of the contrary (Mama says I is a very contrary dog):

I has been very busy

2011-10-18T00:52:00.002-04:00

I has been a very busy wiener dog since returning from our vacation! I had to pee on everything in my neighborhood, again, because it is all mine and other dogs no can has. Also, I has been doing lots of digging and dirt-kicking out at Dad's farm. I no has ever seen a place with softer dirt. I am amazing at digging and kicking it. You know what? At the beach I had many kicks and digs too! There was sand in many various places, although I no has an experience of seeing this "ocean." Some humans decided the shore no was good enough for wiener dogs, so I is not allowed on that particular beach. It is due to the inferior sand, I is sure. 

I had many enjoyments taking walks near the beach house, and in the nature woods, with Gretchen and Mama. There was a lot of work to do, since I no had peed on anything there ever before! And I gave a terrible fright, I is sure, to the dog next door. Mama called him Dino Dog:

No need to has a worry, I no hurted him even once.

Here's me kicking the fantastic forest dirt:


Notice how I has kicked up a lot of dirt with my back legs. Also, I has very good form due to my perfectly crouched hindquarters.

Sometimes Leah had to walk not only me, but also me and Gretchen. I think she no has a particular like for that.

I no can imagine why.

I rolled in the grass.

I has a warm belly.

I slept in the sun.

Gretchen was there too.

Mama saw many wildlifes at the beach. All I can say is that those wildlifes are lucky they did not see me, because I is so big and scary. These are the wildlifes I no saw:

Dad says the squirrel has an endangered, and there is only 150 left on the whole world! I say that my tail is more magnificent than this squirrel's tail, or any squirrel's tail. Mama says the wild ponies no came near the humans, which is probably good. If a wild pony saw me, it would run very far away in fear. So would the vulture. And the seagulls (Leah calls them eagles). And the egret. And the sea birds, running back and forth all day long and hardly ever peeing on anything! I think they no has an intelligence. 

Oh, and on our last day I went with Gretchen and Daddy to a seafood restaurant on the harbor. There I also had a lot of work to do, because I had to make sure every person who walked by got to hear my impressive barks. It was lunchtime on a very beautiful day, so I was very busy. Daddy no seems to appreciate all my hard work to keep the family safe from dangers. I barked at every single thing that moved, but he kept putting his head in his hands and saying "Sorry folks, I know he is a big mean and scary dachshund," and of course that is true. When Mama and Leah came back from the bookstore, Daddy handed me right over and said "they're all yours now." Mama is so lucky to have me! I kept hearing people say "hush puppies," but I no paid an attention. Also I think they were conversating about some delicious fried cornmeal that Leah was nomming all up. Also my strong leadership inspired Gretchen to do lots of barks too. Sometimes we can make a good wiener dog team. But mostly I has to bark at her all the time. She no can seem to remember that it's my chewy it's my chewy it's MINE!!! 

So this past week I has of course been very busy peeing throughout the neighborhood and uploading my beach photos. But next time I think I will demand to see the ocean. From what I understands, it has lots of sands nearby that need to be digged up. It is true that a wiener dog's work no is ever done.

I has big adventure news!

2011-10-01T17:40:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow morning, the peoples and the dogs is leaving for the beach! Mama no knows if I has beach experience, and I no is telling that secret. She says there is wild horses at a beach called Chinquoteague. I no is afraid! I will bark and bark at any wild horses who tries to steal my chewy. I knows it will be my job to protect the family from any dangerous horses, and so I has an excitement about this trip. Mama says there is lots of different animals on this island, so I has many more creatures to bark at. I will has a lot of work to do there. Since I no has peed on ANYTHING in Chinquoteague yet, I will be very, very busy peeing on Chinquoteague. So I no will has time to update my dogblog until we come home. I is very excited for Beach Adventures, and I will gives all the news about it when we comes home!

A Amazing Fire Hydrant

2011-10-01T17:19:00.001-04:00

This is a very interesting picture from the last year fair. Mama tells me it is fair time again. Not that I would have a knowing of that, since there no is dogs allowed at the fair. Maybe I will come to the front gate and pee on it. That is what I think of that.

Leah's school class took a trip to the fair last year, I thinks it is called a "kindergarten." This is her lovely teacher, Mrs. Payne, and her friend Ringo, who has a ratblog about his pet rats. They has a gigantic wardrobe and loves to change clothes all the time! I is having my wardrobe soon, because it is fall and I needs to keep warm at all times. That is why I make sure to eat as many foods as I can. It is for insulation. 

Can you tell I has good insulation?

What is in a name?

2011-10-01T16:32:00.001-04:00

 Today I has news about my new girlfriend. Her name no is Ingrid anymore: it is Gretchen. It has been only less than a week, but already she comes when mama calls "Gretchen!" I no comes when she calls "Reuben!," because I is usually busy sniffing very important things. Actually, Gretchen sometimes no comes when called - like when she runs into the street and rolls over for belly rubs. In the middle of the street. Mama has a confusion over that one. I likes my belly rubs too, especially on the warmness of the front stoop, but the road no is a particular good place for belly rubs.

I has just discovered that there is another Reuben Stroble in the world. He no is a pastry baker from Germany, like he sounds, also he no is a delicious sandwich. He is a police officer from a faraway land called Canadia. Since he no is a pastry baker or a sandwich, I no has a particular interest.

On the other paw, I has excellent skills to be a police dog. I is so large and frightful and scary that I will stop all the crime and make everyone give me belly rubs instead of doing crime. And if they no give me belly rubs, I will bite them with all 11 of my teeth, because that is how many I has. And that is enough teeth to chew a dental chewy stick; it only takes one half hour for me to chews it all. Mama took a video of me chewing my stick yesterday. She says she will put it on the internets soon. In these pictures, you can see what a good job I am doing of attacking the chewy stick. Also, you can see my magnificent tongue.

In other newses, I has a new dog bed and a new monkey chewy! I loves both of them. Do not forget that they are MINE. Gretchen has a new bed and chewy too, but she no has a particular interest in those things. She has enough legs to jump on the couch to sleep, so that is what she does. Since that means more chewies for me, I is ok with it. 

This is Hatfield. He is an annoying orange kitty.

2011-09-23T17:34:00.001-04:00

Today, I has a story to tell. It is a 100% true story that happened yesterday in the living room. It will make you laugh, cry and get rid of your orange kitties.

It began in the kitchen. Hatfield was sleeping in his basket. 


Since everything else in the house is mine, I lets Hatfield have this basket.

When he saw Mama, he looked not too sure about things.


I has a bad feeling about this.

Leah decided to carry him into the living room.

Hatfield thinks he is too dignified for all this. But he no is.

Due to the cuteness of basket kitty, Mama took some pictures.

I no think this is a big deal.

This is not cute at all either.


You can tell how much Hatfield likes this from the look in his eyes. He loves it.

Leah should be giving attentions to me and not to him.

Then Ingrid had a curious and decided to interrupt the photo shoot.


Hatfield has a curious too.

Right here is where you can tell that Hatfield no is pleased with this situation. 


Hatfield, I think, has a suspicious.

Ingrid came close to gently sniff the orange beast.

RRRAAOOOOWWWWWW

Ingrid now has an afraid of Hatfield.  I now has even more reasons to bark at orange kitties.

The Ends

P.S. Ingrid is fine, she no has blood or anything. Just only a mortal fear of Hatfield.

Very Important Business

2011-09-22T10:05:00.001-04:00

I will let you in on a secret, but you must promise to no tell anyone, especially any cats, and even more especially any orange cats. I is a spy and I is always looking for new top secrets. I is like the dog spies in the Cats & Dogs movie, except I has better acting than all those humans combined. 

Kanga thinks I does not know she is following me. But I does know. She no is a good spy.

Secret Agent Reuben was sent to live in this neighborhood to sniff out some new developments. I no has an idea what those developments are, but I take my mission very serious. The orange kitties are also spies, I think, for an evil overlord cat. I has so much drama and intrigue, but you would never know it based on how I appear to be sleeping all the time with my tongue flopping out. Do not be fooled by my clever sleepy disguise! 

I no can give out more information at this time - I no can compromise my very important mission. I had some good progress on my walk today. Ingrid came too, and the longer she is here the longer I think she no is a spy. However, she maybe wants to steal my Chewy, the turtle squeaky one. So I keeps an eye and a tongue on it at all times. What I can tell you is that the tree on the corner is definitely home to some spying activity and I had an extra good pee on it today. I'll check back tomorrow to make sure the tree is still mine. 

Now I gives lessons!

2011-09-21T08:47:00.000-04:00

Yes, it is true that my tongue is magnificent, as is my snaggletooth. But now I is not only big, courageous and beautiful, I is a teacher too! If you no believe me, look at this blog. I no has been to a dog show (though Mama says she will take me to a wiener roast next year, so long as no wieners are actually roasted. I has suspicions). But they sound kind of silly. What kind of judge would see my immeasurable tongue and not give me trophies? No one would even take such a competition seriously unless I was getting a first prize.

I loves praise and adoration, so to anyone else who wants to write about me: you has my permission, so long as you point out how brave and strong I am about every other line.

I no can tell a lie

2011-09-20T16:53:00.001-04:00

Much like a human who I think is named George Barkington, I no can tell a lie. 

Look at this face. How I can tell a lie?

I has a feeling that Ingrid came here to steal my family. It's my family it's my family it's MINE!!! So, I no has been the most hospitable dog in the last few days.  I really enjoy sniffing her and sleeping near her for extra doggy warmth. But when she gets too close to my Mama I has a fit! Sometimes I has a fit when Ingrid gets too close to me - she's taller than me, so I has to pretend to be very big and scary and let everyone know that it's my house it's my house it's MINE!!! You no can tell the big dogs (especially NOT Ingrid), but I is a very small and tiny wiener dog who sometimes has a frightened of big dogs. That is why I bark so loud and so frequently! I has to look like one tough wiener. Ingrid no is that big... but still, I has a frightened.

Today we had a ride to school with Leah. Mama drove us back home and then we did a walk. I made sure to mark everything, so Ingrid knows exactly what is mine, which is everything in the neighborhood. I pooped in a neighbor's bush, like a good dog. But Ingrid no is a good dog! She pooped on the living room floor - twice - right after we came inside. Mama was mad and it was stinky. Which gave me a glad feeling, because she got in trouble, hehehehe! Then, after Leah came home, Ingrid escaped from the backyard and headed towards the street. Now, I has done that before too - there are squirrels to chase, other dogs to meet and lots of stuff to pee on. So for that I has an understand. But since she is much faster than me (she has long, very un-wiener-like legs), she can has many adventures in the time it takes me to have one adventure.

This will show you how much I is a jealous dog. Mama and Leah sometimes play a game where Mama lifts Leah is the air and swings her back and forth. It's called "Jealous Dog." When Leah is in the air, I no has an idea if my mama is safe, and I no has an idea why Mama is picking her up instead of me. So I bark and bark and bark and then jump on Leah when Mama puts her down (I has short legs, but I do the best jump I can). They think it's funny but it no is funny. I is a very busy dog, protecting the house at all times. I has lots of work to do! Even when I am sleeping, which is most of the day, I is still working. I listen for danger and then bark at it. I must sound big and scary, since I is a tiny wiener dog who no has many teeth. 

That is all for now. I will now go back to sleep until dinner. I no will let Ingrid steal my dinner. It's my food it's my food it's MINE!!!

Sorry, ladies - I is in a relationship

2011-09-18T10:35:00.001-04:00

Yes, it is all true. Last night Daddy brought us an Ingrid! He says he wants her name to be Greta; my big sister Leah says it should still be Ingrid. I don't care what her name is, 'cause I call her BEAUTIFUL.

She is two years old (I is a old man with a floppy tongue). Ingrid had a surgery on Thursday, so she is still a little sleepy. Of course, I am sleepy all the time. Last night we snuggled up on the couch with all our people and no orange kitties. I does have a jealousy though - Ingrid whimpers when she no can find Daddy, and I no understands why she no whimpers for me! My majestic tongue can be intimidating I think, so I will give her some time to get used to my floppy tongue joy.

This is how much I loves her!

We has big plans for today. Mama and Leah will take us to the park for adventures! I no can wait to show my new girlfriend everything that is mine: my telephone pole, my tree, my other tree, my fire hydrant, my bridge, my bush, my pile of rocks, my other bush, and of course every herb plant in the front yard. I hope she doesn't think they are hers, because they are mine. MINE!!!

I still is a little growly towards Ingrid, a little bit. She is taller than me, just like every other dog in the whole entire world. Also she may be a spy. I must protects my family at all costs! But I am joyful to has another wiener dog in the house, especially one as beautiful, soft and sweet as Ingrid.

And here we are again, and - wait.... where did that orange kitty come from? It's my couch it's my couch it's MINE!!!

Welcome to my dogblog

2011-09-16T19:03:00.002-04:00

I no is exactly sure what Internets are, but I think they’re not anything I can chew on, pee on or lay on. And those are my favorite things. These are my other favorite things: getting belly rubs, rolling in the sun, eating, taking adventure walks and barking at orange kitties. And guarding my Chewy. It’s my chewy it’s my chewy it’s MINE!!!

My mama’s good friend from grade school (and other friends too) really like to hear about my fascinating adventures, which I has mostly every day. Peeing on the lemon balm plant is an adventure! It no matters that I do it every day. I’m trying to pee on the whole thing. It’s MINE!!!

Meghan asked my mama to make an adventure blog for me. My own dogblog! It’s MINE!!! But since I can’t chew or pee on it, Mama says I have to trust her that it has an existence. I no understands Internets, but if it leads to more belly rubs, I’ll do it.

This is my dogblog – Floppy Tongue Joy. This picture will explain why.

My majestic tongue.

A really nice photographer found me wandering the mean streets of Greensboro, N.C. I was dirty and thin and a fleabag. I had a mouth infection too; it hurt so bad I no had a bark (now I has a big bark).

Stacey took me home, bathed and fed me and gave me a blue and white snowflake blankie. Don’t touch my blankie – it’s MINE!!!

Then she went on a face book. Face books are on the Internets I guess, but since there no is food or chewies in any of those books, I has no particular interest.

The woman who owns my mama’s favorite vintage store saw Stacey’s post and re-posted it. Post? Is the mail lady here!? I love to bark when she comes!

Anyway, my mama saw Kit’s post (and Stacey’s pictures of me) and she got an excitement. Mama said she wasn’t even looking for a dog. We has two super-annoying orange kitties; Mama got them even before my big sister Leah was born. Hatfield and Kanga no had an excitement about me becoming a Stroble. I had an excitement about barking at them every chance I got! I does that now too!

Hatfield is very suspicious. Here he is getting ready for court.

This is Kanga. If she looks blurry, it is because she always has a spazz. Here she is getting a "White Belly."

For Hatfield and Kanga I no has a particular like. They gives me an entertainment though.

Then – on a face book again – Mama’s old friend Meghan said I should has my own dogblog to tell all the friends and family about my adventures. I no has an actual age, and I mostly no has teeth, so you might think I no has adventures.

But I does! I love to go to the park and figure out what all other dogs have been through recently. Then I pee on whatever they peed on to let the whole world know that this telephone pole is MINE!!!

I even had a trip to the dog park a couple times. But the other dogs are so big, I has a frightened and try to hide behind Mama. There’s lots of interesting sniffs there though.

Most mornings I help take Leah to school. I ride in the car with my nose just barely poking out the window. Then we come home and I has a walk, and I check on my very important telephone pole. It’s MINE!!!

This is my big sister, Leah.

Mama and Daddy say they has a new girlfriend for me! It was Leah’s idea – she no has human brothers and sisters, so she can has two dachshunds.

Her name is Ingrid and she’s from Greensboro too! I’ve been Reuben Stroble for almost one year. When Ingrid has an arrival, there will be two orange cats, three humans and two wiener dogs.

Alison, the same nice dachshund rescuer, got a stray Ingrid and my mama went through a face book and saw her. Jeez, is Mama in a face book all the time? (Right now she no has a job, so she has lots more time to give me belly rubs).

You may has noticed my majestic Snaggletooth and regal Floppy Tongue. Snaggletooth was just already there, but after mouth surgery (I losted 11 teeth!) I now has 11 teeth left. The rest of my teeth no can contain the amazingness of my Floppy Tongue.

This dogblog will be all about my very interesting adventures, of which I has one almost every day.

This dogblog exists because of Kit, Stacey, Alison, Meghan and my mama.

Happy tails!

(wagwagwagwagwag)

PS. It’s my blog it’s my blog it’s MINE!!!